Steve Johnson: ‘This How You Do Me, God?’

November 29th, 2010 // 56 Comments

After missing a game-winning touchdown against the Pittsburgh Steelers yesterday, Steve Johnson, who’s apparently the Kanye West of NFL Tweets, took to Twitter last night where he actually cursed God for not helping him win a football game:

I PRAISE YOU 24/7!!!!!! AND THIS HOW YOU DO ME!!!!! YOU EXPECT ME TO LEARN FROM THIS??? HOW???!!! ILL NEVER FORGET THIS!! EVER!!! THX THO…

While people like Steve Johnson and Bristol Palin might start considering theses losses a sign God doesn’t exist, I’m actually becoming more and more convinced he does, and thankfully, is focusing on shit that matters. Like making this happen. Regardless, Steve Johnson clearly has no one to blame but himself here. Unless, of course, this happened:

STEVE: Aight, Lord, I’m gonna throw this bitch at the ground, then you gonna use your magic to make it fly back in my hands. You in?
GOD: I’m in.
STEVE: *watches ball hit the ground*
GOD: Psyche!

UPDATE: Apparently they cool now.

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. brit boys are cool

    WTF?

  2. brit boys are cool

    Cool, I haven’t been first with a comment in years. Roll on!

  3. imagen

    Sorry butterfingers, it’s not God’s fault you can’t even catch a cold. This wasn’t the super bowl, not even close..seeing as your team is 2-9. What a drama queen.

    • sue

      I think everyone else is a drama queen for freaking out about his dumb twitter.

      • imagen

        I don’t see anyone freaking out. I see people calling out some egocentric prima donna athlete who blames God for his fuck-ups rather than his sub par skills.

      • sue

        People ARE freaking out because it’s all over the internet. Stupid people tweet stupid shit all day long. WHO CARES.

      • imagen

        Apparently you don’t really know what “freaking out” is. When someone of his standing makes a public statement on a public forum and when said statement is FUCKING RETARDED, it’s going to get attention.

  4. CH

    He should start praying for help with his grammar…

  5. Ray Sist

    Bucket of KFC never would have hit the ground.

  6. Al Roker

    old news is old.

  7. JesseJimmy

    Black athletes are funny.

  8. zeke

    guess what Steve……god doesn’t exist. it’s an old wives tale. a work of fiction. you dropped the ball, not some imaginary man in the sky.

  9. kindasketchy

    Actually, it makes sense. If you take the position that whatever magical, sky elf you believe in is responsible for one doing well (i.e. god got me that touchdown), then it suggests when things go badly it’s either because magical, sky elf wants that to occur. Or, maybe God just didn’t care because he took the Bills and the points and was going to win regardless.

  10. s'up bitches

    I blame God for my shitty job……and my Mother. Why hast thou forsaken me!!!!!

  11. mfb

    EVERYONE KNOWS GOD LOVES THE STEELERS!!!

  12. Pangulin

    “I been sitting here waiting for God to put some balls between my legs. So,far the ball is just laying there. Curse you, God for not giving me the ball(s) like I prayed for!”

  13. mcfeely smackup

    “God doesn’t like black people” – Kanye West

  14. Steve Johnson Buffalo Bills
    kayk
    Commented on this photo:

    If your going to blame a fictional character for your problems, blame THE fictional character.
    I blamed Micky Mouse for a girlfriends unexpected teen pregnancy once and it didn’t exactly work out.
    I didn’t shoot hight enough.

    Thanks NFL for this valuable lesson.

  15. s'up bitches

    God “does” him? Does God use lube? Since our Lord is a deity, is he naturally lubricated? Since the father, the son, and the holy ghost are one and the same, can they give each other a reach around? Would this be considered masturbation? We could start a whole new book on these revelations alone. We should call it “Superficials”.

  16. Amy

    I believe in God, but I doubt he gives a flying fuck about a football game.

  17. GreatJobFish

    Great job by Ben Roethlisberger yesterday when he pinned down the Bills defense and forced his touchdowns inside of them.

  18. Fucking footballs, how do they work?

  19. s'up bitches

    I checked out this guys latest twat. All I can say is wow. Watch out Shakespeare, there is a new writing genius in town!

  20. tally

    this superficial guy cant talk without mentioning jessica simpson

  21. erección

    If god exists, he definitely hates the Bills, and of course poor people.

  22. x

    “I PLAY W/PASSION AND EMOTION! I HURT WEN I DNT MAKE A PLAY BKUZ iKNO THAT’S WHA MY TEAM,FAM,N MY CITIES WANT TO SEE! N THAS A WINs N PLAYS!”

    This dude is an idiot and should be banned from any job where he could be perceived as a role model.

  23. Doc Schweinstrudel

    Wow, this is the first time I actually watched American football. Except for that small episode in Problem Child.

  24. Keyser Soze

    SOMEONE please tell this young tortured man there is no god, so he can move on.

    • Seriously. How do you blame someone that hasn’t been proved existence? Now I understand why they keep God so close….to blame him at the end when shit hits the fan.

  25. Rick Warren

    Actually, I’m so sick of atheletes thanking God for their win (instead of, say, the other players or their coach, or skill or luck) its nice to see the tables turned on God. If God caused you to win, why not blame him when you lose, too? Right on! Just points to the absurdity that God has anything to do with any of it.

    • McFeely Smackup

      True, that is a little refreshing to see. We get enough “Thank you Jesus!!” when people win, It’s nice so see some consistency with a “Fuck you Jesus!!” when someone loses.

  26. steak_knife

    yay! more sports stories from The Superficial. This site isn’t that gay afterall.

  27. booger'd

    The Onion is eerily prescient once again: Basketball Star Blames God For Defeat

  28. kanyesucks

    The Bills were 1-9! What difference did it make!!!!!!!

    Loser.

  29. kanyesucks

    Check that – 2-8.

  30. At least you spelled loser correctly.

    As for athletes and entertainers thanking God first and foremost … if I ever win an award I would:

    “First I would like to thank Darwin and Evolution for letting my genes evolve into the person I am today…”

  31. Heyzeus Hosay

    God’s too damn busy with Dancing With The Stars to bother with football, or starving kids, or Haiti in general. When will Christians realis/ze this?

Leave A Comment