Steve Jobs Died (1955 – 2011)

October 6th, 2011 // 74 Comments

As most of you noticed, Photo Boy has been handling the site while I’ve been dealing with a family crisis. And now that crisis has come to a head because there’s something I need to come clean with after all these years: Steve Jobs is my dad.

Okay, he’s not, and now I’ve just made light of two very serious situations because I’m a soulless cockface. On that note, I’m just going to go ahead and skip the laudatory paragraph about using the iPhone on the can a.k.a. nirvana. People reports:

Steve Jobs, the wizard behind Apple who put the Mac, iPod, iPhone and iPad into the hands of millions of religiously devoted consumers around the globe, died Wednesday.
He was 56 and had battled pancreatic cancer since 2004.
“Apple has lost a visionary and creative genius, and the world has lost an amazing human being,” the company said in a statement. “Those of us who have been fortunate enough to know and work with Steve have lost a dear friend and an inspiring mentor. Steve leaves behind a company that only he could have built, and his spirit will forever be the foundation of Apple.”

Pancreatic cancer, huh? One day there’ll be an app for that.

Rest in Peace, Steve.

Photos: Getty

superficial

  1. DKNY

    So if Jobs is your dad… does that make you Fish Skywalker?

    • Mitch

      Lame.

      And another thing. Steve Jobs died from AIDS which I predicted would happen a long time ago on my own blog.

      mitchhaase wordpress com

      • the whole enchilada

        Listen loser: This is the 21st century people with money don’t die from AIDS anymore. We now have drugs to keep them alive. Your head is so far up your ass it’s coming out your mouth.

  2. JabbaWho?

    Sorry for your loss Fishy

  3. Joe

    A friend of mine told me how amazed he was that Jobs lived so long after being diagnosed.

    Not me.

    Jobs was likely wealthy enough to receive the absolute best treatment available as well as regular screenings most of his adult life.

    I’m never that amazed by the rich and famous living years longer than the rest of us average schmucks when they are diagnosed with a terminal disease.

    • I’m smelling some liberal bias here.

      Read a little about Job. He didn’t come from money. He earned every penny.

      Moral of that story – work hard, have a vision, be rich.

      • Capitalist Pancake

        Seriously. I don’t have much sympathy for the spoilt rich who come from so much money that they have no concept of how the real world works, but anyone who has the balls to build something from nothing or what could have been a totally normal ho-hum existence gets my respect.

      • PopeyesChicken

        +10billion gigawatts, Eric

      • Venom

        Eric, you basically made an anti-liberal comment by praising Jobs who was one of the biggest liberals out there.
        Interesting…

      • jenyjenjen

        I don’t know who “Job” is to read up on. But if you’ve done so much reading you’d know his name at the very least, it’s Jobs.

      • eatme

        …umm, yeah, way to take what joe said off on a tangent

    • That was his choice, Joe. The moral still applies. Work hard, be rich. What you do with your money afterwards is up to you, but don’t cry if you never did a thing and don’t have any.

      • hsft

        No the moral doesn’t apply.

        If that were true then every person who worked hard would be rich. But there are too many people who bust their ass and work 2, sometimes 3 jobs just to make ends meet. Your Calvisitc-god-rewards-the-pious-with-prosperity bullshit is just that: Bullshit. Fact is, Jobs was a fucking anomaly. A one in a million shot that and he knew that.. THAT was why he held the politics and world view he did so stop trying to bastardize his legacy to fit your propaganda.
        Fucking Fucktwit.

      • Harry Doyle

        Just working 2-3 jobs isn’t “working hard”. Working hard (educate yourself, work from the bottom up) to get the job that pays is what the phrase means. Just cause you wait tables in the morning, flip burgers in the afternoon and sell wrapping paper at night will never afford you the rich life you may desire. Think about it, you will understand one day.

    • Jackie

      Calm down guys. Joe didn’t criticize. Read his comment again. All he said is that he’s not surprised the guy lived so long. Is it a criticism to point out that someone’s rich and can afford excellent treatment? I don’t think Joe was making any kind of statement at all. Simply pointing out the obvious. On an unrelated note, Harry Doyle is obviously privileged enough that his parents could buy him an education if he thinks someone waiting tables and flipping burgers is not working hard. I guess paying your own way through school, working to fund the pursuit of your passion on your days off or simply trying to feed your kids is simply laziness. Maybe these people should get off their asses, quit bitching and buy themselves some success. What you’re basically saying is that achievement isn’t really achievement if you had to work to get it.

    • FreshFacedRecuit

      Work smarter AND harder. Bust your ass doing meaningless work is what gets your ass stuck in the rut. If you believe in working hard = rewards you are only half right. The stuff they don’t teach you in school is to be a hustler and to be savvy. Book smarts and Calvinist BS is what the slaves learn. That’s why Jobs dropped out—he knew it was a dead end and took the risky route. If you want big rewards you better take risks. Jobs was just better at placing his bets on life.

      Thanks Steve for boosting AAPL. I an’t in college debt because of you!

  4. Jay

    My father has terminal cancer, whats kept him going this last summer is watching his beloved yankee’s on his new ipad2 in the hospital. R.I.P. Mr. Jobs, you have brought joy to many…………..

    • JImbob

      Jay, feed your dad Budwig Protocol daily, start now.
      yahoo message board flaxseedoil2

    • Carrie

      My father just passed from cancer, spent so much time in the hospital. He loved his ITouch and IPad, I second this comment… Rest in Peace Mr. Jobs…

    • Colostomy Bag

      With the Yankees p.s. hopes now dead, I hope your dad chooses to follow the Phillies and cheers on Roy finally win his ring. Doc gonna pitch a gem Friday.

  5. Aw, Fish… we love you because you’re a soulless cockface.

    Also, RIP Steve Jobs. My first computer was an Apple IIGS, after which I never owned an Apple again. Let’s face it, it was way easier to pirate PC games. But there’s no denying the man was a visionary genius.

  6. Steve Jobs Dead
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    What a genius to get people to buy half of a computer at twice the price.

  7. Cock Dr

    I’ve read that Jobs was quite the assinine cocksucker to work for.
    RIP

    • Pippy Longcockings

      When rich, asinine, cocksucker prick bosses die, they’re always called “visionaries”. Bill Gates is probably cumming in his pants right now.

    • LJ

      Yeah, Jobs had instituted the work five get one free policy that was active in Apple until the early 1990s.

      If you worked at Apple for five years you were required to take the fifth year off with full pay and benefits to do something else. After your year sabbatical you would return to your job.

      Sounds like a real cocksucker.

    • FreshFacedRecuit

      Dear Cock Dr,

      Are you a virgin?

      (If you don’t get the reference go here: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fwYy8R87JMA)

  8. Steve Jobs Dead
    Commented on this photo:

    “Invisible Everything iBurrito. You can only get it at the Mac Store.”

  9. Steve Jobs Dead
    Commented on this photo:

    I’ll stick to a PC — Ctrl+Alt+Delete is a much easier sequence.But thanks anyway. RIP

  10. Steve Jobs Dead
    Commented on this photo:

    It was really an iPhone for NBA players, but normal-sized people wanted to play with it too, so they renamed it.

  11. Phylyp

    Man, thank you for the first laugh about this, I’ve had it to here with the various adulatory stories online!

  12. Daily Moisturizing

    It’s only a matter of time before the peoople who take over run that company into the ground.

  13. Alex

    RIP Steve. You changed the world, dude!

    In other news, HOLY SHIT! The Superficial posted something before 12:00pm EDT. Thought I’d never see the day he’d best the daily hangover.

    • yeah changed the world for the worse. rent Revolution OS, see how gates and jobs ruined programming with this proprietary software bullshit. overpaid bastards, hope gates buys it next. sorry, but rot in hell

  14. InPoorTaste

    his casket will be glossy and will show the fingerprints of the pallbearers

  15. Darny Darn

    Damn this economy, we’re losing Jobs left and right.

  16. Andy

    Yeah joe, it costs money to stay alive. There are people who starve to death even today. It’s amazing how much longer you are living then those schmucks.

  17. Venom

    R.I.P. Steve.

  18. Slow-tech and iHype allergic though I may be, it’s sad to see one of the greats go. Dude did more in a lifetime than any of us will probably do in our next 17 hypothetic reincarnations.

  19. Dan

    Steve Jobs probably was a complete dick to work for, but the thing is he wanted things done right.

    You cannot deny his influence on society and culture. He helped change the way we think about technology and how it can serve us.

    I don’t think Apple will do as well without him.

  20. forrest gump

    …………THESE ARE THE PEOPLE WHO MAKE THINGS HAPPEN.
    sorry he is gone.

    ……………………………………………………thanks anyway for the good things.

  21. I’m not going to join in the one-upsmanship of revisionistic eulogizing Steve Jobs.

    By every account, he was an almost unfailingly evil man. He treated his employees like shit, he treated his customers like shit, he even treated his own family like shit. His business ethics were nonexistent and accused everyone else of the flaws he proudly displayed himself.

    I also decline to give him credit for the successful products Apple produced during the time he was at the helm, from many of his OWN statements, he didn’t believe in them and they succeeded in spite of rather than because of him. (he thought video ipod was a stupid idea, he also said Apple wasn’t going to make an ‘ipod phone’ because that wasn’t their market).

    So sorry Steve, you built a legacy of being a dick…that’s what you leave behind.

    • eatme

      ..here, here. Anyone that calls him a visionary is rather technology clueless as EVERY apple development was first brought to market by someone else. Arguably apple did “it” best, or made it simple, or was first to bring out a fully refined incarnation, certainly had the most market penetration, but actually first? Never. Truly it was Jonathan Ive that defined the apple image for all you fanboys (and almost none of you even know who he is). I’m no microsoft lover, and not a unix/linux geek, just a pragmatic individual who actually knows the history.

      • eatme

        …and Steve WAS a dick. Big time. He learned many years ago to not let that hit the press, but he was a dick through and through (Breakout anyone? Truly, what a cunt). Sure, he looked all cool in his black turtleneck, but to me he will always be the douche with the moustache and bow tie that he would have always been had he not hired a stylist.

    • FreshFacedRecuit

      You must be a virgin McFeely. An IBM type.

      “Good Artists Borrow, Great Artists Steal” — Picasso

      http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CW0DUg63lqU

      • dotmatrix

        Nice schtick you have there, FFR, automatically calling anyone who disparages Jobs a virgin. Verrry clever. Speaking of virgins, have you ever seen the staff at an Apple Store? Or for that matter, the people lined up outside? And great artists may steal, but they don’t then insult and/or sue their victims.

  22. cc

    It’s hackneyed phrase, but this guy REALLY was a visionary. Dammit that he is gone.

  23. Steve Jobs Dead
    Martius
    Commented on this photo:

    Love you Steve!

  24. Sara

    Only you can make me openly laugh about otherwise sad situations. Keep up the good work, buddy.

  25. Helena Handbasket

    He was really handsome, hot stuff when he was younger. I’m talking Ashton Kutcher hot. Smart and hunky – whatta stud. Rich, too. I’m getting wet just thinking about the total package.

    That’s how I will remember him because I am the most superficial of all of you fuckers.

  26. Jobs actually wanted to die on Monday so that he could roll over in his grave when Apple released the 4S.

  27. Dani

    R.I.P Steve. My respect for you is incredible. Thanks for all that you have done.

  28. Steve Jobs is famous business, inventor, celebrity and icons of computer world his memories remain. Just like jewelry watches it remain forever.

    • eatme

      I bought a watch from jewelry watches and it fell apart the first day. jewelry watches had me ship it back at my own expense and then refused to replace or repair it. then the manager called me a nigger over the phone. fuck you, jewelry watches.

  29. DnS

    People, seriously. It’s not “Rest In Peace”, it’s “Rest iPeace”. Did he teach you nothing?

  30. dotmatrix

    He was like Edison, really good at taking other peoples’ ideas and getting everyone to think he came up with them.

    • dotmatrix

      Sorry, that’s not quite fair. At least Edison didn’t always turn around and sue those he had ripped off.

  31. slappy magoo

    I knew the latest Apple conference was a disappointment to a lot of people, but sheeeeshhh…

  32. iDied.

    That was horrible and iApologize. No really. iM serious. iT keeps happening.

  33. Steve Jobs Dead
    Motorboat Captain
    Commented on this photo:

    The economy is so bad even Apple is now jobless.

    BONUS JOKE:

    How is Obama like pancreatic cancer? They both killed jobs.

  34. Steve Jobs said, Each day as the last day of life, you will be free. Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Having the courage to follow your heart and intuition, your heart and intuition know what kind of person you really want to become in a sense.

    ShenTop_ One-Stop Chinese goods Procurement Service, her belief is the same with Steve Jobs .We also stick to be studying and learning, Growth is the most important is our belief.In administration,our company also pursue the Great Lean Management.
    http://shentop.net

  35. Steve Jobs Dead
    Commented on this photo:

    I love your personality AND apple miss you way .
    HCG Activator

  36. siggo

    “and the world has lost an amazing human being”

    Haha. This guy was a tyrant. He treated people like shit his whole life and got what was coming to him.

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