Pancreatic Cancer, Huh?

By: The Superficial / August 7, 2014

Being asked every second of every day when the new iPhone is coming out would drive anyone to fake their own death, so here’s a wheelchair-bound, yet alive Steve Jobs in Brazil where he’d gladly risk a knife to the throat than talk one more second about diamond quartz screens. According to legend, he’s been known to take flight and knock iPads out of villagers’ hands while cawing like a bird. Gola pássaro da morte, the locals call him which roughly translates to “turtleneck bird of death.” Although, if you ask him, he’ll say it means “Steven-Claw” while scratching at the air. Superstition can be a powerful tool when placed in the right hands.

UPDATE: And here’s the official cover story which will rainbow wheel every Apple device if you don’t it accept as fact. Choose wisely.

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