Putin Shot Stephen Seagal’s Estonian Blues Career Out of The Sky

July 21st, 2014 // 14 Comments
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While the passengers of Malaysia Airlines Flight MH17 and their loved ones suffered a horrific tragedy last week that shook the international community, no one’s talking about the real victim in all of this: Steven Seagal. Once an aspiring blues musician about to make it big on the Estonian festival circuit, he’s now watching his musical dreams disintegrate like so many commercial airlines shot by missiles his bestest buddy in the world gave to a bunch of separatists. The Guardian reports:

The announcement of Seagal’s headlining slot at Augustibluus, a blues festival held the beginning of August in the western town of Haapsalu for over 20 years, was met with a swift outcry, with Estonian rock singer Tõnis Mägi calling for a boycott. Estonia’s foreign minister, Urmas Paet, told the Tallinn daily Delfi: “Steven Seagal has become active in politics in the last few months in a manner not befitting a world which honours states based on the rule of law.”

This was too much for the organisers of Augustibluus, who – after the downing of Malaysian Airlines flight mH17– announced Seagal would be dropped from their lineup.
“We hoped the Estonian public would first and foremost see Steven Seagal as an actor and a musician. It turns out what they saw was rather a politician and a henchman,” festival director Indrek Ditman said in a press release. “To many in Estonia, it came as a major surprise that the action movie hero is a blues musician. Likewise, the organisers and numerous others were unpleasantly surprised by his political views and public statements.”

On a more positive note, Steven Seagal has been invited to the Arizona Border Blues Bonanza provided he brings back one of them “Russia missiles” and teaches everyone how to aim it at Mexico. He said that’s a pretty tall order before smiling and pulling one out from behind Arizona’s ear. “Why do you think I was even over there? Besides power. Unstoppable power.”

Photos: Getty


  1. …and then Putin said “I like your hair, may I try it on?” and refused to return it saying it had been a gift.

  2. I believe this is what you were trying to say with your last sentence.

  3. j/k

    This had too much politics in it for me to follow. What side is Obama on so I can choose the opposite.

  4. Steven Seagal Vladimir Putin
    Commented on this photo:

    Vladimir Putin is the ugliest woman I have ever seen.

  5. blerg

    Is this a promo shot for a “jake and the fatman” reboot?

  6. I can’t help it … I would take Putin over Brad Pitt, George Clooney, John Hamm, Skarsgard, Tatum, Gosling, and 99.9% of the other ‘hottest’ male celebrities *combined*. He’s just … look at that face! That extremely powerful, intelligent, shrewd, puppydog face.

    I’m so broken.

  7. dontkillthemessenger

    Why were we so slow to realize that Steven Seagal was an agent for the Russians all along? He started out by slowly infiltrating all the White Castles and Just For Men aisles along the East Coast…

  8. Mel Gibson's Shrink

    Fish, you are so grotesquely misinformed and brainwashed about what’s going on in Ukraine by the American media and politicians, it’s not even funny. Stick to writing about dicks and boobs please. You clearly have no fucking clue about what’s going on outside your country – and how would you? That’s just how they like to keep you, dumb and gullible. You’ll eat anything they feed you.

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