Stephen Hawking Is Still Hoping People Will Show Up To His Time Travel Party In 2009

December 3rd, 2013 // 9 Comments
Stephen Hawking
No Lady Doctor?
Stephen Hawking
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When we last left Stephen Hawking, he was expressing his desire that the 13th Doctor would be a lady, but alas, the world is a cruel mistress who won’t twirl his limp penis like a helicopter. He’s now moved on to more scientific pursuits like hoping people will eventually show up to his time travel party in 2009 because only a mind like Stephen Hawking’s could possibly envision luring travelers from the future to his house in the past and fucking them on top of a pile of hookers. Information that we should have never been told because there went our entire goddamn morning. You know what’s next.






(If this is the only meaningful contribution I leave behind on this earth, I’m okay with that.)

Photo: Getty


  1. Cock Dr

    If I play these at work it may create a disturbance.
    *turns up volume

  2. Frank Burns

    Who’d want to go to a party at his place? You know the dancing will suck.

  3. You know he wouldn’t pick up a 12 pack of beer or point out which woman has crabs selfish bastard.

  4. Sorry, but I won’t have been able to attend.

  5. JimBB

    If he’ll take me back to a time when I still had six-pack abs, I’m in.

    Ah, who am I kidding? I’d settle for a time when I could still see my dick.

  6. Slash

    I’m pretty sure if Hawking had access to a time machine, he’d go back to the time before his body stopped working (sometime in the 1960s) and screw everything that moved, smoke/snort/swallow every drug he could get his hands on and not stop until he required IV fluids and a blood transfusion.

  7. TimeTraveler

    Everybody knows, you can only go back in time to an alternate universe, not this one.

  8. Why 2009, the depths of the financial crisis when the whole world was miserable? Why not, like, before his ALS got bad so he could be young and (relatively) attractive and be like, “Hey, baby, I solved the universe and this is my party and I can actually do you.”

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