We Fixed Those Stephen Hawking Recordings.
And Possibly Made More.

February 28th, 2012 // 26 Comments
Stephen Hawking
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“They see me rollin’, they hatin’…”

On Friday, we posted a bunch of extremely accurate recordings of how Stephen Hawking works them hos down at the sex club by making them hover naked over his lifeless body a.k.a. the pimpest shit you’ve ever heard in your life. Unfortunately Chrome sharts the bed at the first sign of an audio embed, so a couple of you had some issues loading the page. But after tinkering around, we snagged a hold of the SoundCloud HTML5 player which should serenade your ears with the sweet, robotic timbre of a crippled physicist demanding he sees some labia dangling above his nose. So those are now fixed if you want to swing back for a listen, and there might also be some new ones after the jump because the second we traveled down this fucked up path there was no turning back, and I seriously wish I was joking. Once you make a robot voice command strippers/prostitutes you don’t want to do anything else but make a robot voice command strippers/prostitutes. It is our gift, our curse…

Side Note: I’m off for the day to celebrate my birthday (And, yes, this is how I decided to spend it so far.), but you’re in the smooth, soft delicate hands of Photo Boy and I’m not just saying that because his job requirement involves wearing a glove full of vaseline. He was born with a natural nimble.. ness? Nimblety? He’s ambidextrous is the main point here.

- The Superficial










Photo: Getty


  1. Dude of Dudes

    Funniest shit Ive heard in quite a while. The Poker Face one is hysterical.

  2. Boobies

    Happy Birthday Fish!

  3. Science, bitches!

  4. Pretty sweet way to start your birthday, I think. My gift to you? Google “homemade fleshlight”. Have a good one, Fish!

  5. Jill_Ess


  6. Eddie Baby

    Hawking’s next book: “A Brief History of Trim”

  7. Holland

    Have a great B-day!

  8. forrest

    please give the man a break, folks.

  9. Lita

    These are freaking awesome! Happy B-Day Fish!

  10. Brooke

    Happy birthday, Fish!

  11. whiskeyafternoon

    these recordings are the fucking truth. yes!

  12. Do_Freebird

    You do realize that unlike a quadriplegic, Hawking can feel and is actually capable of rgasms? All he needs is a butt plug, four inches of metal pipe an inch in diameter, and a taser set to low stun..

  13. whiskeyafternoon

    “choices” is awesome

  14. vekfan

    As a Physicist he’s actually over-rated, it’s just his condition that’s made him well known, the player works too. Also happy bday Fish.

    • Nekkid Dawg

      And you attest to this because of you unparalleled expertise in quantum cosmology? Please enlighten us.

    • ….And you say this to make yourself sound cognizant, unfortunately for you it had the opposite resolution.

    • vekfan

      You really want to play ‘whose dick is bigger’ on the interwebz? If either of you were educated in ‘quantum cosmology’ you wouldn’t highlight your stupidity in such an obvious fashion.

  15. Frank Burns

    Happy birthday, Fish!

  16. Jay

    Keep up the great work Fish, Happy Birthday

  17. smingle


  18. Dear Fish, I’m drinking one extra martini after work today in your honor. If Photo Boy does all the posting tomorrow, we’ll know it was a good birthday. Best wishes, Fred

  19. TurkusMaximus

    Fish, you save me sometimes. You really do (sniffles). Hope you had an awesome birthday!

  20. poppymoss

    OMGWTFCANDLEWAX!! We share a birthday! This totally beats Robert Sean Leonard….

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