Let’s Get Stephen Collins Out of The Way

So here’s everything that’s happened since our last Stephen Collins post where he allegedly told his wife he’s glad they didn’t have a son because he wouldn’t be able to “keep his little penis out of his mouth,” and we all threw up because that’s literally the most fucked up shit I’ve ever heard in my life. I already want to curl back up in the corner again. So let’s get this out of the way and then stare at boobs and butts. We ride!

Jessica Biel

Apparently back in 2000 when Jessica Biel posed topless for the cover of Gear (above), Stephen Collins called it child pornography, and according to The Frisky, he also didn’t want his kid to “get the message that that’s okay.” Unlike the time he allegedly made a 10-year-old girl touch his penis. That’s well and good.

Oh, By The Way, He Actually Was A Real Minister

According to People’s breakdown of his divorce, Stephen Collins was a lay minister – Not what it sounds like. Although kind of in this case. – at an Episcopal church because going full Catholic priest would’ve been way too obvious. He might as well have put on a robe and said, “Okay, great, where are the kids?”

There’s $14 Million On The Line In The Divorce

Late Tuesday night, Stephen’s lawyer claimed that Faye Grant was trying to extort more money out of the divorce by blackmailing Stephen with the tapes of him allegedly confessing to molesting several children. However, Faye’s lawyer has since fired back that she’s never asked for more than half of the estimated $14 million, and only asked for a trust fund for their daughter and a charitable donation to benefit sexually abused children. As for whether any of that’s true, who the fuck knows? But if she was trying to blackmail him, why would she turn the tape over to the police first? That part doesn’t make sense. Nor does the part where he was the one that blindsided her with the divorce and thought that’d be a good time to allegedly confess to molesting kids. And especially the part where he said he’d put a baby’s penis in his mouth which didn’t send her screaming out the door. Unless the next words out of his mouth were, “Wow, this is great LSD,” and even then.

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Photo via The Frisky