The Most Retarded Criticism of Stephen Colbert You’ll Ever Read In Your Life

April 11th, 2014 // 80 Comments
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While tons of headlines were written yesterday about Rush Limbaugh predictably accusing CBS of declaring “war on the Heartland of America” by choosing Stephen Colbert to replace David Letterman, former Breitbart editor Ben Shapiro fired off a piece on his Truth Revolt blog accusing Colbert of – wait for it – political blackface. I’m not even going to be cute here. If you don’t get why equating a racist caricature that dehumanized human beings so they could continue to be subjugated with satirizing rich white people who control and/or influence every level of government is intellectually bankrupt with a moronic shitbag sauce, you should be repurposed into a chair so someone smarter than you has something to sit on while advancing us as a species which will be easy to do because you’ll be a chair and no one listens to chairs.

Conservative Writer Calls Stephen Colbert “Political Blackface” – Gawker

Photo: Comedy Central

superficial

  1. Joe Blow

    Yawn.

  2. Linda

    Dear Fish-You are awesome. Though I believe in everything you said, it’s that repurposing line that I am applauding. Fucking brilliant.

    • cc

      ‘you should be repurposed into a chair…because you’ll be a chair and no one listens to chairs.’

      Have to admit, that was awesome.

  3. P.T.S. Potential Trouble Source

    Fish? I did read both articles from the link, and just wow, I just can’t imagine people are truly that bigoted, un-informed/mis-informed and that easily gullible. Like I said yesterday, I am so proud and happy for S. Colbert to be “promoted” to primetime, however, I’m (justifiably I believe) terrified some douche bag 78 year old Senior V.P. at CBS (who probably jerks off to Rush and Ben Shapiro) will read those articles and make sure S. Colbert is so watered down that he is relegated to talking puppet head

  4. JC

    BUT BUT BUT!

    1. Nick Cannon did white face and oppressed me!
    2. Black people say the n-word all the time, and that oppresses me somehow!
    3. “Cracker” is just as bad as the n-word!
    4. Chicago!
    5. Jesus!

    Did I get all of the relevant talking points on this one?

    • P.T.S. Potential Trouble Source

      You forgot mandatory Health care

    • One of the last conversations I had with my folks was about the use of the N-word (and fuck all you Louis CK wanna-be’s out there. Go drop that “it’s just a word” rant on someone else). My father’s point was pretty much number 2 on the list with a splash of “Then why is it racist when I say it?” added in. “Well Dad, it’s probably because you generally put the words ‘Fucking lazy and/or ungrateful’ in front of it while yelling at the television.”

      We don’t speak anymore, for reasons that extend far beyond this little snippet. That was more the icing on the cake.

      • I really should use “the straw that broke the camels back” because icing is the best part of the cake.

      • Mick

        Daddy Issues, well that explains a lot. Let me guess daddy was to tough on you as a child? Awwwww did he take a way your binky when you were 8?

      • I’m of a mind that parents shouldn’t have sex with their kids or beat them until they vomit. But maybe that’s just tough love that I misinterpreted. What do you think Mick?

      • Mick

        Maybe it was your dad’s hot beef injections in your backside that made you the person you are today, you should probably be thanking him.

      • It certainly made me the man I am. If you ever find yourself in Raleigh, I’ll be happy to show you the unquenchable rage that I got from him you fucking trolling little cunt.

      • Phil, any chance Mick’s parents would go for a retroactive abortion? If they’re not still in witless protection, I mean?

      • Mick

        Phil, I see your channeling your other personality…this is good, we’re making some progress getting to the root of your emotional problems. Let’s keep it up, dig deeper into your feelings.

      • You know the sad reality part of this? This is the best part of Micks day. This is the absolute highlight of his day. For me? I’m gonna leave work early, go home and build some legos with my little guy, go see Captain America, have a nice dinner and work on my art project after everyone goes to bed. And little Mick will still be sitting here at 10 PM tonight clicking the shit out of refresh trying to get someones goat.

      • ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

        What kind of person confesses to being raped by their dad on a celebrity gossip site? Really, what is the point of that? You’re just asking for trouble.

        You’re the one screaming for attention here, Uncle Phil.

        And now that I think about it, your creepy, child-molester name only seems worse now.

        Your plans for today sound really suspicious in the light that you have cast upon yourself. “For me? I’m gonna leave work early, go home and build some legos with my little guy, go see Captain America, have a nice dinner and work on my art project after everyone goes to bed.” Does your “art project” involve multiple felonies?

      • Usually it’s just putting pencil to paper. Occasionally I get nuts and use some markers. Nice try Mick.

      • Mick

        Phil, I truly think you’!te starting to feel again from being numb for so long. You going through all the feeling, pity, interent tough guy, I’m better than you, etc. This is good progress. I see your daily posts on here, I know it’s a cry for help. Here, use this doll, point to where daddy touched you.

      • Phil, you’ll really want to avoid touching Mick’s “doll”. Just remember what I said about hand puppets yesterday – I guarandamtee you that Mick’s surrounded by about three years worth of jugs filled with his own urine, as well as poorly taxidermied specimens that are actually all missing pets in his neighborhood.

        And you really don’t wanna know about his collection of hemorrhoid photos.

      • @Mick
        You’re a disgusting piece of shit.

      • I have seen far more hideous posts under “ManWhoHasSeenAVagina” than I’ve ever seen under Uncle Phil’s name. “Mick” is new to me, but anyone who makes jokes about an adult raping a child… what the… ? Were you looking for 4chan and just stumbled into The Superficial by accident?

        This is a site for adults. Gentlemen: If you are going to post here, please ACT like an adult.

      • I am partial to ‘nail in the coffin’.

        #SaveTheCamels2014

    • If you really want to dig into it, when Cletus, Paula Deen, and Julianne Hough are dropping N-bombs in blackface it oppresses jack fucking shit.

    • Hugh G. Rection

      It cracks me up when somebody feels deprived because some black people use the n-word. What other characteristics of their lives do you want to emulate?

    • I think you only forgot STAND MY GROUND.

    • lmao!!! the last 2 got me

  5. Here's an idea

    You should just make the side a left wing activist blog and just cut out the T&A. Seems that’s what the site have evolved into.

    • Let’s see, the last week has had a couple of posts about Captain Janeway and then this one about Rush and his ilk denouncing a talk show host. That’s 3 posts out of like 35 in a week. Everything else has been Ultimate warrior, Selena/Beiber, and random Miami fitness models in bikinis; pretty much what a normal week has been around here forever.

      • But…but…the Ultimate Warrior post had a thing about the gays tacked on at the end! Sneaky sneaky Fishie, turning our love for 1980s wrestling—which was totally not in any way homoerotic—into another plea for libtarded tolerance!

      • Stop responding to these professionally offended people, who never comment on the site unless it’s to tell you that they will never comment on the site again. Or to show more T&A, as if there’s a shortage.

        They just want the attention, but instead of growing a personality, developing a sense of humour and making a comment people will enjoy, they do the only thing they now how to do: feign outrage.

      • Professionally offended, feigned outrage…… Yeah. None of those people here, definitely not.

      • Jesus, you’d think with all that practice they’d be fucking better at it by now.

      • I think we get it

        You think your guys jokes would be better as much as you comment on here and defend it so close to the heart.

      • Well, that explains it. Chronic incoherency resulting from an appalling lack of punctuation seems to be a stumbling block they’ll never be able to overcome.

  6. I Love Lamp

    Sure is lucky that nobody comes to this intellectual colostomy bag for political commentary. They boobies may bring ‘em in, but its the moronic opinions that’ll get em heading for the door!

  7. Greg

    i have no criticism of Colbert, I just don’t think he was very funny. Don’t get me wrong… I don;t think David Letterman has been very funny for the last 15+years. Sad part is, there hasn’t been a very funny comedian come along in awhile that doesn’t require a team of 30-40 people to write jokes for them. I miss the Richard Pryors, Sam Kinison, etc. just not much of those level type people around anymore.

    • ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

      Richard Pryor used writers. Most famously, Paul Mooney wrote for him. Interestingly, Pryor wrote for Mel Brooks and worked on Blazing Saddles (the studio wouldn’t let him star in it, which was the original plan). Pryor didn’t write the black jokes in the movie, as some seem to assume. Instead, he was primarily responsible for the Mongo gags.

      For a better example, try George Carlin, who wrote all of his own stuff. Gary Shandling told an anecdote on the awesome show, The Green Room w/ Paul Provenza, about how he got started in comedy by offering to write for Carlin, who wouldn’t take his material, but offered to look it over and was encouraging about the quality.

    • If you’d said Hicks or Carlin, I’d be wont to agree, but I’ve never found Pryor nor Kinison very funny to start with. I’ve laughed more at Colbert than the two combined.

      To each their own, though.

  8. Most conservatives are hypocrites and hypocrites don’t like it when you hold a mirror up and expose them as the hateful people they are.

  9. anon

    so true

  10. ” … and no one listens to chairs.” Well, except Clint Eastwood that one time.

  11. I gotta be honest. A guy is retiring from a show I haven’t watched in 20 years and is being replaced with a guy who for a fake conservative parody show that I haven’t watched in almost 10 years.

    I just don’t care. I don’t care about late night “comedy” talk shows that masturbate the ego of celebrity guests and famous babies. When they cancelled Firefly that part of me died.

  12. Witch Tripper

    Im amazed that he got away with something so racist because when a liberal does it you just call it satire. Pathetic double standard using hypocrites. At least you stopped defending Alec Baldwin so there may be some hope for you yet.

    • 1. Fish has always called Alec Baldwin on his shit.

      2. Context matters in satire. Please look up the word “context.” And “satire.”

      • LOL, when was the last time ANY Conservative got the benefit of the doubt on anything, or had someone defend them, in the media, on contextual grounds?

      • Hinkley Had a Vision

        It is hilarious how intellectually bankrupt you conservatives are. Intellectually bankrupt and completely sensitive about your clownish, obsolete political idealogy.

      • Always amused when juveniles parade their ignorance by parroting the academic hate speech about how “conservatives” are obsolete. Punks.

      • jblank, there’s a war in Iraq I’d like you to meet.

      • Yeah, because “legitimate” rape, magic secretions that kill sperm and prevent pregnancy, our geocentric solar system, only needing to take the Pill prior to sex and proof that God exists because bananas are easy to peel really deserved to be vehemently defended on “contextual grounds”.

        Now go look up “false analogy”.

  13. PassingTrue

    Generally, I think that Colbert is a pretty smart guy, even though I frequently disagree with him. Problem is I just never found him to be that funny. Letterman is also a pretty smart guy, but he really hasn’t been funny for some time and with the on-air confessions of sleeping with the staff, it all got kinda creepy. I recently watched Jerry Seinfeld with Letterman doing the “Comedians Getting Coffee…” bit and Letterman just came off as generally a loathing, uncomfortable person. The man makes a gazillion dollars, he’s had multiple bypasses and it seems like he has no joy beyond leaning over the desk with a “kids get off my lawn” attitude. I say this as someone who used to run home from school to watch his mid-day show that was irreverent, new and funny. It just isn’t anymore.

  14. ManWhoHasSeenAVagina

    #whiteguilt

    You were doing better, briefly, Fish. Now you’ve relapsed.

    I don’t watch Colbert much, the character is just too similar to the real right wing blowhards to not be a bit annoying. Apparently, he’ll be hosting The Late Show as himself though. Not that I have watched any of those late night shows in years. Aside from Leno, all those guys are acceptable in my eyes. I’ll just see the highlights once in a while online.

    Limbaugh is a turd deluxe. I’ve never heard of Ben Shapiro, but anyone who works for Breitbart is a dick. That said, get over your issues with blackface you fucking pansy.

  15. Dave

    My god the guy who writes for this site is a fucking self absorbed douche bag, any one who makes their career from reporting on nippleslips of young celebrities should not believe them selves to be in a position to comment on any political/social issues.
    Stick to what you know loser, gossiping about little girls celebrities you wish you could fuck.

  16. coljack

    Funny thing is – Shapiro’s right, but for the wrong reason. Colbert and Stewart are modern day minstrel shows, but that’s no mockery of the right. No, it’s admission of the right’s total victory. Liberals are so weak-willed, we all sat by while Clinton gutted Glass-Steagall, W. occupied a sovereign nation that hadn’t attacked us, Cheney/Rumsfeld/Ashcroft made us torturers by proxy, the Republicans seized control of the legislative branch through re-districting and the tax burden on the rich dropped to historical lows.

    But hey, look at the clowns sing and dance for us an hour a day. Now don’t we feel better about ourselves?

    That’s the best we got? Colbert and Stewart don’t threaten any of Shapiro’s privileged white buddies. We’re never recovering our democracy from the super-rich that own it now.

  17. Fish, take a breath. And realize “liberal” doesn’t mean “advanced”, it means “clueless”.

  18. Skippy3000

    Does the Fish writer not realize that 99% of his readers could care less about Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, or whatever other comedian he gets his political news from?t

    • AtomicMountain

      Yup. I come here to laugh at celebrities, not fawn all over them.

      Ok, Fish, we get it! You love white Progressive male celebrities!

      Geez, If you love them so much, why don’t you (legally) marry them?!

  19. Low hanging fruit. Hack on hack crime. Move along.

  20. AtomicMountain

    White Progressives (which I realize is redundant) insisted on Colbert. and CBS complied. (Don’t worry, though. They’ll give him a musician of color off-camera he can joke around with. You know, because they’re inclusive.)

  21. datroof

    Well, in Shapiro’s defense, he’s an idiot.

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