Stephen Colbert Is A Satirical Jesus

April 1st, 2014 // 18 Comments
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For those of you, like myself, who live life glued to a glowing screen, shunning the outside world with its harsh sunlight and damnable fresh air, you probably caught wind of the horseshit #CancelColbert “controversy” which should’ve been written off the second it was endorsed by Michelle Malkin and her right-wing hack site Twitchy that equates retweeting an Onion article with thinking it’s real. /axegrind So here’s Stephen Colbert absolutely murdering his response while brilliantly pissing all over the media, Twitter and Comedy Central. Never in my life will I do anything this brilliant even counting that time I had sex with a Rhodes Scholar which never happened, and now I don’t know why I just said that. *retreats to hovel*

Stephen Colbert Responds To #CancelColbert – March 31, 2014

[Ed. Note: I'd embed this, but Comedy Central videos have a tendency to autoplay which some of you will react to with the same, if not more, vitriol as if I raped a family member. As you should. - SW]

superficial

  1. He’s a national treasure.

  2. Jake

    Colbert is more popular than Jesus.

    And at least Colbert leaves on Thursday and returns on Monday.
    “I’ll be right back” Jesus has been a no-show for 2,000 years now.

  3. D.

    Not with that ever present bent ear and eyeglasses.

  4. Mike Walker

    > equates retweeting an Onion article with thinking it’s real.

    Please… those dummies believed it. “I’ll pretend to be an idiot and retweet this article from the onion with feigned self-righteousness and disgust! Ha ha the jokes on them… oh wait.”

    Nice of you to try to help one of them save face though.

  5. Thanks for not embedding an autoplay video.

    Now if we can get rid of the ads with audio for our friends that haven’t figured out adblock plus, a freely available plug in for popular browsers that makes this site usable.

  6. Slash

    I especially liked the part where he reminded us (because we’re constantly distracted by shiny things, kittens and boobs and forgot) that Malkin is the one who wrote the book about how we imprisoned Americans of Asian descent during WWII but it was OK, because reasons. So not only did she throw the other Asians under the bus, she got paid to do it.

    So her license to scold other people for how they express opinions about race was rescinded 10 years ago.

  7. Dan

    Colbert is too good; his execution – fantastic. However, rape jokes (referencing rape as you did) are not cool. It subtly contributes to rape culture. Please be aware of that.

  8. cc

    Not available from my location? What THE HELL.

  9. Wow. He fucking smoked anyone and everyone that was too stupid to get the joke. And rightly so. Poor Jah-mez, though.

  10. RIP Jah-mez :(

  11. AtomicMountain

    Activists like Suey Park are such kill-joys.

    • Calling someone like that an activist is an insult to actual activists. The root of the word “activist” is “active”. Being irate is easy, getting off your ass to do something is hard.

  12. Helena Handbasket

    The world is full of Asians just waiting to be offended.

  13. Juniper

    WTF is Comedy Central’s problem with other countries besides the US watching their damn videos?

  14. Lacist plicks!

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