Stella Maxwell and Bella Hadid Doing Model Stuff

If you’ve stepped out into the Internet today, it’s impossible that you haven’t already heard the news that Matt Lauer has been fired for being yet another handsy piece of shit. Even if the only site you visited before coming here was VistaPrint.com, you probably saw that story next to a $9.99 pack of shitty business cards with his face on it. It’s fucking everywhere. Since I already posted on that this morning and am waiting a few more hours until the avalanche of other #MeToo’s bury Lauer in shame, we’re just going to take a breather with this gallery of two of the world’s most beautiful women —Stella Maxwell and Bella Hadid — looking naturally attractive and not getting sexually assaulted by anyone.

Take note, boys. If you don’t want to get pinned for sexual misconduct, watch your women from afar via T&A blogs (or maybe even a telescope, but that’s shaky territory) and keep your hands to yourself. How hard is it to do that? Honestly? Never has it ever crossed my mind to just toss my dick into someones hand that I found attractive and assume that’d go over well. Women aren’t vending machines (and neither are boys, Kevin — we haven’t forgotten about you), you can’t just chuck your sexual nickels at them and automatically expect some pussy soda to roll down the chute. Let’s move forward with a little more self-control, fellas. Maybe save it till you’re alone at home and have the freedom to masturbate to whoever your little lonely heart desires like the rest of us. It’s a great strategy for not getting fired from The Today Show (but you still might get a pass if you’re running for president…).

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