Stassi Schroeder Has A Sex Tape

During the taping of the upcoming Vanderpump Rules reunion special, Stassi Schroeder apparently admitted to having a sex tape, according to TMZ, which made her a trending topic on Facebook that I glommed onto because I’m a shameless clickwhore with no legitimate value and/or substance. And that, future generations, is why your news is delivered to you by a criminally inaccurate holographic penguin with three tits while you’re huddled in the midwest waiting to see which ocean drowns you first. (It’s the Atlantic.) You’re welcome.

Photo: Instagram