The Superficial presents Stars Gone to Shit

February 24th, 2009 // 158 Comments

Welcome to our latest caption gallery featuring a cavalcade of celebrities who decided why look beautiful when you can stuff your face, smoke a mountain of crack or stop paying for routine plastic surgery maintenance? Fortunately for them, natural talent is all you need to survive. – - Ha ha ha! Just kidding, they’re screwed.

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  1. Maggie From Buffalo

    Im sorry, people were saying that the outfit did nothing for her and that was the reason she looked so big, BUT, how do you explain that her arms doubled in size as well?

  2. Brandi

    Woody Harrelson is still sweet.

  3. Ryan Seawave

    You should do a with and without make-up special too.

    I think it’s good for today’s kids to see why you wake up with an ugly bird when the night before you went to bed with a stunner.

    Its not always about the beer goggles. This should be a warning to all men who are about to get married. Be very aware that if you dont keep an eye on the twinkies in the fridge then you too could end up marrying Paris Hilton only to find her turn into Paris Motel 8

  4. I’m her big fan. I have invited over 5.000 fans to a celebrity&millionaire romance site called’ MillMatch. C O M ‘ we built a big fan club for her at the forum, it is very hot, guys, let`s join if you are her fan too.

  5. linda

    Hey, I’m an open minded girl from UK, I’m­­ interested in exotic things, photography, dating and­­ sports…I have my photos on — T a l l h u b.C o m­­ —, I love tall guys!
    Do you love traveling and have­­ some experience? Just find me out.

  6. beefytee

    I think Lara Flynn Boyle may have cancer. That kind of moon face is indicative of a steroid that is often administered to try and shrink cancer cells.

    I could be wrong, and for her sake I hope I am…maybe she’s got really bad asthma, but she’s definitely on some kind of steroid.

  7. Brittney will always be hot. You know who is hot, it’s that girl from “The Big Bang Theory”. WAY HOT!

  8. Meh

    I still prefer the new Jessica..

  9. Savalas

    With some of these older clowns…the fact that they’re still alive after a couple decades of hard-living should count for something good.

  10. Dooly_J

    Sorry, but If that picture of Woody is indicative of how he looks now, he’s aging VERY well.

  11. Lionel Mandrake

    Alright – I laughed out loud at the “chimney sweep” line.

    P.S. I had no idea Helena Bonham Carter had transformed into a bag lady. My word.

  12. My before and after pictures from 10 years ago and now are identical. Because I am the Highlander.

  13. myself

    Your captions, even if I don’t agree with all of them, were really laugh-out-loud funny today. Great job!

  14. sam

    I’d totally still hit that and be happy to have the privilege. If you dont think shes hot anymore you need to re-attach your balls or grow a new pair.

  15. Ed

    Superficial Writer,

    I can’t believe I wasted three minutes of my time reading this.

    Thanks,

    Ed

  16. Chuck

    Not sure who the previous poster is referring to (although clearly it can’t be Britney Spears who really needs to fall down an elevator shaft) but I agree with Woody. He doesn’t belong on this list at all. He actually looks better now, despite his male pattern baldness.

  17. CakeSniffer

    The before and after really isn’t that different except for some arm wattles…

  18. shalita

    Ed,

    I can’t believe you wasted 45 more seconds of your time writing that post.

    Thanks,

    Shalita

    on another note, these were hilarious…

  19. CakeSniffer

    And Winehouse was always a hound, but it became more obvious when she stopped bathing.

  20. bubba

    #8 ur right! but she was kinda heavy in the first season. fat isn’t incurable!!

  21. milfs

    Like girls with cute butt!!!
    know what? hot girls I met on ++++ Agelessmate. c o m ++++ are the most beautiful thing in this world I ever seen.btw, it’s the place where hot cougars, sexy chicks, handsome young men meet and mingle, become friends and even more!! lol

  22. sliskdi

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  23. milfs

    Like girls with cute butt!!!
    know what? hot girls I met on ++++ Agelessmate. c o m ++++ are the most beautiful thing in this world I ever seen.btw, it’s the place where hot cougars, sexy chicks, handsome young men meet and mingle, become friends and even more!! lol

  24. Rae.

    um, K Fed is a star? What the feck.

  25. milfs

    Like girls with cute butt!!!
    know what? hot girls I met on ++++ Agelessmate. c o m ++++ are the most beautiful thing in this world I ever seen.btw, it’s the place where hot cougars, sexy chicks, handsome young men meet and mingle, become friends and even more!! lol

  26. robert

    Is that really Whitney Houston? Holy crap!

  27. CandyO Poetess and Artist

    Poor Jessica is now a fat dumb blimp!

    This is my pic ,-”`-.
    / `._
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    / __.-’,–’ ,,|/ `-.__
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    ,.—-.__/_,’ // /O)\ `. \–’`-. )
    ,’ __ _,.-’ ,/,- c.’ / `. ` ,/ .-.
    / ,’ ,’ _,-’ (,,-\ -==*’/ ) ( ) \
    ‘,’ , ,’ ,’ ,’–`\-.___/. , ( `-..-’ )
    | ,’ | “’\ \ , `. `. ,’
    | / / \ ,’ \ )- ) | –’ )
    || | . . ( // / | —._ ,’
    `. ‘. `-. | // | | ,–’ `-.-.’
    `–:._ `-.._ | // | Y | ,’
    `’– )’/ | ,’ /-’
    / / | ,’ /
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    ` `.__ ,’ (
    `.__,\ ,’”\
    ,- \ . /\ ,\
    ‘ \ / )/ `.
    `. )/ // `.
    I made of Amy Winehouse:

  28. Johnnygoodtimes

    I liked this post better when it was on nothingRelevant.com 2 weeks ago!

    (http://www.nothingrelevant.com/monkey-clown/2009-fashion-prediction-fat-is-still-the-new-black/)

  29. tobox

    Yeah, I HATE IT when 20 years of time passes! Yuck!

  30. havoc

    I would pound Jessica’s ass in both those photos.

    Any hetero male would….

    .

  31. Fluffy Butt

    @ 3

    AGREED! And fish .. you could have pulled out a “better” worse pic of Crackhouse.

  32. Fluffy Butt

    @ 3

    AGREED! And fish .. you could have pulled out a “better” worse pic of Crackhouse.

  33. Candy O, I have a sneaky suspicion you are the seventh sign…

  34. Deacon Jones

    Holy shit, Whitney looks like she belongs in a Natural History museum on display….

    @7 I was thinking the same thing, it looks like someone punched her in the jaw.

  35. Jrz

    FUCK!!!!!
    *furiously brews gallon of green tea, jumps onto treadmill and stairmaster at the same time while speed dialing AA*

  36. James

    I’m going to have to disagree with you on your choices of Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, and Woody Harrelson.

  37. Lara flynn’s face looks like its been boiled and falling apart,,,wow, no wonder she couldnt keep a 70 year old dude…thats sad!

  38. schwartzhausen

    Alright. Perhaps this “gallery” could be relevant — if it wasn’t for the fact that many of these stars have already recovered and are nowadays as healthy as they were in their heyday. I mean, how many years old is that Whitney picture? And what about Britney, she sure looks fine today.

  39. Dee

    I agree with every one but Woody, he still looks good. At least he’s growing old gracefully. Damn Vince has some serious beer bloat. And WTF happened to Russell Crowe??

  40. tweedle dee

    i hope i get to grow old and smoke a lot of pot. and have a guy that looks as good as woody at that age.

  41. They should change his name to Russell Growe.

  42. shakeitout

    the good picture of whitney is from this month at the grammys…

  43. Jrz

    hee hee, Rich.
    Lara Flynn Gargoyle

    I never knew that Mischa Barton was the kid ghost in The Sixth Sense…the one whose mother killed her and she gave Haley Joel Osment the videotape to play at the funeral.

  44. observant.as.hell

    I feel ya on all these except Woody and Mrs. “I married Xenu’s bitch” Cruise…

  45. Romo is doing the right thing, id still rummage through those juicy thighs, as long as the belly doesnt look disgusting…

  46. Bay

    At first glance, I thought Katie Holmes was Johnny Depp.

  47. Suzanne Denneen

    How dare these human beings do human things like age, gain weight, succumb to illness, physical or psychological. How lucky we are to watch other humans lose their battle with decline so we may feel better about our own depressingly human condition.

  48. Ummm...yeah...

    What the fuck is that on Katie Holmes mouth?…herpes?
    God, these celebs suck!

  49. missywissy

    yeah, woody looks good. Amy Winehouse? I didn’t know she ever looked good! Lindsay Lohan looks the same, smiling in one photo and not in the other. Seriously, what happened to Lara Flynn?

    What a SUPERFICIAL way to start the day! Now everyone is paranoid about doing their drugs and eating their donuts. Shame on you Superficial.

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