Star Jones hits the beach

January 3rd, 2006 // 56 Comments

Looking at Star Jones in a swimming suit has given me an out of control boner.

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Comments (56)

  1. Michelle | January 3, 2006 at 7:02 am

    Is it me, or is her head 200% bigger now?

    Reply
  2. Arjuno | January 3, 2006 at 7:15 am

    If I wasn’t queer before I saw this picture, seeing her in a bathing suit surely would’ve pushed me over the edge. Ugh. I may never get another erection. Thanks, Star.

    Reply
  3. Shawn | January 3, 2006 at 7:52 am

    The second photo looks like the still shots taken from that Bigfoot sighting video.

    Anyone else suddenly hungry for chocolate pudding?

    Reply
  4. uncommonamerican | January 3, 2006 at 8:39 am

    I can’t find Star in this picture…all I see is dude, dude, walrus, dude, dude, manatee, dude…

    Reply
  5. jon | January 3, 2006 at 8:41 am

    No less than an indestructible boner.

    Reply
  6. Dwibble | January 3, 2006 at 8:46 am

    I can top that! I can top that! Click on name for URL link! :-)

    Reply
  7. MacMac | January 3, 2006 at 8:53 am

    I am shocked that nobody mentioned the first photo yet. Maybe it’s just me…

    Doesn’t it look like Al is being mounted by the Starbeast?

    Reply
  8. James Earl Cash | January 3, 2006 at 9:33 am

    “The second photo looks like the still shots taken from that Bigfoot sighting video.”

    Hahah! …It’s funny because it’s true.

    Reply
  9. jennjenn70 | January 3, 2006 at 9:48 am

    “The second photo looks like the still shots taken from that Bigfoot sighting video.”

    So friggin’ true.

    I hate that bitch!!

    Reply
  10. IvoryFingers | January 3, 2006 at 10:44 am

    The Star Jones ballon has escaped!

    Run for your lives!

    Reply
  11. bafongu | January 3, 2006 at 10:51 am

    No, No, this mistake happens all the time. That’s a picture of Jobu Moghandishu, leader of the Urdu tribe. He’s often mistaken for Star Jones.

    Reply
  12. Jewbacca | January 3, 2006 at 11:22 am

    BLACK PEOPLE AT THE BEACH? THEY CAN SWIM NOW???

    Reply
  13. Tai! | January 3, 2006 at 11:44 am

    wow, that is so not funny

    Reply
  14. Shawn | January 3, 2006 at 11:52 am

    If Kevin Federline is allowed to rap, black people are allowed to swim.

    Reply
  15. turtlecock | January 3, 2006 at 11:56 am

    She looks like Beetlejuice or is it …. Blacksqwach?

    Reply
  16. CelebGossipAficionado | January 3, 2006 at 12:22 pm

    I don’t know what’s more painful on my eyes…the pictures, or some of the half-assed attempts at humor above. Hmmmm….

    Reply
  17. sara | January 3, 2006 at 12:22 pm

    so in the first one, she’s giving it to al like he’s used to?

    Reply
  18. Kevin | January 3, 2006 at 12:25 pm

    I think my penis inverted and is stabbing me in my spleen. Ow! My spleen!

    Reply
  19. YouProablbySuck | January 3, 2006 at 12:38 pm

    “If Kevin Federline is allowed to rap, black people are allowed to swim.”

    Scratch that, if PATRICK SWAYZE and PARIS HILTON are allowed to rap, than black people are allowed to swim.

    Reply
  20. CrimsonGal | January 3, 2006 at 1:23 pm

    I’m sure Al would rather have one of the other “manly men” on the beach slathering on the sunscreen – instead of that massive tranny he married.

    Reply
  21. i love the oughts | January 3, 2006 at 1:27 pm

    i realize that her face isn’t the focus of these pictures, but it’s amazing how losing weight can actually have a negative aesthetic effect on some people. it’s especially amazing when the people are still fat.

    Reply
  22. aziajs | January 3, 2006 at 2:07 pm

    Every time I see them together, especially in pics like this where she has got all of her lovliness out for the world to see, I keep thinking, “big gay Al is not f#$@ing her!!!!” This is Terry McMillan all over again.

    Reply
  23. Belle | January 3, 2006 at 2:49 pm

    I would like to point out Star is a winner in the ‘winners and losers of weight loss/gain’ for 2005 in the newest National Enquirer, or Star, or one of those other rags I always buy. Which means that she is a winner for having a gorgeous new figure. Apparently, the writers at National Enquirer/Star/whatever magazine I was reading have not seen Star Jones in the past ten years. Or so.

    Reply
  24. PapaHotNuts | January 3, 2006 at 3:56 pm

    In the first pic, she appears to be taking a snap from the center, but the football is actually Al’s head. And in a strange variation from footabll, she eats Al’s entire body. Then in pic 2, we see her returning to the huddle of 10 terrified teamates.

    Reply
  25. sammygirl | January 3, 2006 at 5:08 pm

    That bigfoot comment is hilarious. I can’t stop laughing.

    In the first picture she definitely looks like she’s mounting Al. I guess she’s the pitcher and he’s the catcher.

    Reply
  26. radio3play | January 3, 2006 at 5:37 pm

    looks like evolution skipped her. she looks like a caveman in the second picture.

    Reply
  27. Kikileblue | January 3, 2006 at 5:46 pm

    wow i think i am now offically blind. star jones hasa horrible shape u think brit is a poatao then check this out. brit has an excuse this thing dosent i mean why does she look that way it is really scary she looks like someone did a horrible photoshop and it ghas come alive to terrorize us with bad jokes and horrid outfits. i wont even metion the ass radier she calls her man though i will say if you read tha al reynolds is in the hospital with massive back injuries due to the fact that what appered to be an oddly shaped elephant sat on him at the bech dont be surprised.

    Reply
  28. Craig & "em" | January 3, 2006 at 6:02 pm

    This is a really cool pic. I’ve never seen a horse ride a man before, nevertheless walking on just 2 legs. Kudos to Superficial… WOW WE…Where do you find this stuff?

    Reply
  29. OMG! | January 3, 2006 at 6:56 pm

    Oh come on, that first pic is just TOO EASY!

    Reply
  30. carrie bradshaw | January 3, 2006 at 7:17 pm

    With her sitting on him like that, won’t the circulation to his legs be completely cut off? Isn’t he aware of the danger?

    as a side note- who is the manly stud muffin behind her in the blue and white trunks rockin out the back hair? rrowrr!

    Reply
  31. VanillaSalTyBaLLs | January 3, 2006 at 7:35 pm

    I didn’t know Glad garbage bags came in red!!!

    Reply
  32. HughJorganthethird | January 3, 2006 at 7:36 pm

    fuck im hungry

    Reply
  33. aims_25 | January 3, 2006 at 7:47 pm

    I’m having a really, really hard time making my decision but which pic is more disgusting: this one or the one of skinny Nicole? I don’t know but if it were possible to transfer weight between two people they could make a happy medium each.

    Reply
  34. amma | January 3, 2006 at 9:21 pm

    …I can’t believe I’m saying this, but she actually looked better when she was heavier. Forget the body–that’s never gonna happen. At least when she was fatter she would have never thought to wear a bathing suit. But her head! Her face! Its effing freaky! I shudder to think if she keeps losing weight what she will look like as a “normal” sized person…At least before she did have a pretty face/hair in a kind of tranny way…

    Reply
  35. Miette | January 3, 2006 at 9:39 pm

    I agree with amma. She looked better fat. Now she just looks weird, weird, weird.

    Reply
  36. Jeremy1Esq | January 3, 2006 at 11:26 pm

    I dont know why, but I have this sudden urge to book an African Safari

    Reply
  37. EZSlut | January 4, 2006 at 8:30 am

    She looks more like the snapshot of evolution chart http://www.canmag.com/images/front/moviesetc/evolutionchart.jpg (2nd one from left).

    Reply
  38. J-Bo | January 4, 2006 at 8:43 am

    Wheres the beach? Because it looks like she’s giving that dude in the first pic the old “federal pen, pound you in the ass” handshake. Not to mention the fact that 4 burly fireman are standing off camera, waiting to ride her to a burning house.

    Reply
  39. reesestet | January 4, 2006 at 9:01 am

    Look at the size of her man-package! lol

    Reply
  40. Marietta Fortune | January 4, 2006 at 12:00 pm

    See! This is the problem with that damn bypass surgery. She drops three, four hundred pounds and thinks its alright to subject people to her sagging thigh ripples. And thank you for reminding me of what my grandmother looked like in a bathing suit- it took years of therapy to erase that from my memory. Stupid sasquatch!

    *Props to Shawn! -too GD funny!

    Reply
  41. sammygirl | January 4, 2006 at 2:15 pm

    Notice how every man in these pictures is looking away from her, including Al.

    Reply
  42. susie-q | January 4, 2006 at 3:20 pm

    I didn’t even recognize her on the View after not having seen it for awhile. I thought she had been replaced. That’s Whoopie Goldberg in the second pic.

    Reply
  43. turtlecock | January 4, 2006 at 3:42 pm

    You know your body sux when your FUPA comes out further than your gorilla boobs.

    FUPA = Fat Upper P* Area
    so this term can apply to both males and females. I don’t know WTF Star Jones is.

    Maybe they’re not so much as gorilla boobs than beagle ears… or flapjacks.

    Reply
  44. BOOTSY COLLINS | January 4, 2006 at 4:15 pm

    i feel sorry for that poor horse whos hair she ripped off…whats up with that…

    Reply
  45. Bacon Eating Atheist Jew | January 4, 2006 at 9:49 pm

    Star Jones is ignorant. She hates atheists. She wears animals. I’m glad she lost her red carpet gig. My blogsite has a comparison of her to Bigfoot. No wonder she hate the idea of evolution.

    Reply
  46. Jeremy1Esq | January 4, 2006 at 9:53 pm

    I used to think the biggest idiot who ever married was Britney Spears when she married KFed, but after seeing these pictures, I have to think the new all time idiot is Star’s husband Al. I dont care how much money Star has, you couldnt pay me enough to marry her and have to look at her naked, on the beach, and have to also bang her on occasion. And no one loves money more then me.

    Reply
  47. Skippy | January 4, 2006 at 11:36 pm

    At least she’s slimmer than she once was…

    Reply
  48. prd88 | January 5, 2006 at 11:46 am

    Looks like bigfoot on the beach to me.

    Reply
  49. Jgirl | January 6, 2006 at 3:53 am

    Well If anyone feels bad about the black people can’t swim thing..don’t worry they usually have floating devices..particularly around the rear. Or if you are a white person and u cant swim like the fat guy behind star in the picture on the right well he has no floating device around the rear as you can see so he will probrally sink. But he probrally has a pot belly to make up for that. Why is it that fat people like to make fun of other fat people..i guess because it’s fun! I bet most of the people in this room have a little pudge..well that’s a whole nother message board.

    Reply
  50. pickles | January 6, 2006 at 1:26 pm

    She does look like bigfoot!

    She also looks frightening. I caught sight of her on The View yesterday morning and holy hell she’s creepy. Big bulgy eyes, bulgy forehead, and that neck! Ugh.

    Reply

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