James Cameron’s on it, everybody.

June 2nd, 2010 // 58 Comments

Despite Rush Limbaugh announcing the oil spill is as perfectly natural as getting a boner with Mexican Viagra, the US government has apparently brought in Avatar director James Cameron because he directed a movie about a giant boat once. Admittedly, I was skeptical until I saw he wears leather jacks and drinks a lot which is half the battle right there. People reports:

The Canadian-born Oscar winner, 55, is an ocean-technology buff and has been an expert in underwater filming and manned submersible vehicles since his pioneering work on The Abyss in the 1980s.
The results of the meeting were not clear, but U.S. officials are said to be considering all options, including the use of manned submersibles, to cap the well. Cameron attended the meeting with Phil Nuytten, the head of Canadian undersea technology company Nuytco Research.

“It’s about looking at all the what-ifs – if this fails, if that fails, what happens,” Nuytco chief pilot Jeff Heaton told Canada’s Globe and Mail.

In all seriousness, the oil spill is a monumentally epic disaster and James Cameron does know a lot about the ocean, so there’s a good chance he might help bring this bitch to a close. Or just stare blankly then suggest we remake Dances with Wolves with blue people. At which point, there’ll be no choice but to execute Plan B: Telling Mel Gibson the oil spill is releasing Jews into the atmosphere. (I want a reward if that works.)

Thanks to The Geekologie Writer who offered to pretend the BP rig is a giant dinosaur vagina.

Photos: Splash News
superficial

  1. Que

    Que make Avatar dos con waterworld por que DWolves esta uno.

  2. rickardo

    first, so what??

  3. rickardo

    damnit!

  4. Johnny

    Clean up this mess already, Obama!!!

  5. Photoshop Police

    I thought I noticed the camera angles seemed a little better on the CNN feed. Jim must be controlling the robot cameras.

  6. Hank Rearden

    You are such an effing idiot. Every time you venture into the realm of political commentary, you prove that democracy is a mistake. Stick to ogling actresses in bikinis, which is about all a pea-brain like you can understand.

  7. bob

    Que Putas estas hablando voz cabron. I’m second cunt lickers!!!!

  8. bribios

    Conservative mouth pieces will destroy popular opinion toward conservatism far quicker than any outside force.

    It’s too bad too, conservatives actually have a few good ideas, but douchenozzles like Limbaugh have to go around making them look like insane nimrods bent on opposing anything that makes sense.

  9. Wait. What?

    @6: Democracy is a mistake??

    Nice to see the Republicans – you’re obviously pissed about Fish pointing out Limbaugh’s idiocy – finally coming out and saying they want a dictatorship that enforces only conservative ideals. That’s an incredibly American idea, you small-cocked fascist. Let me get George Washington on the line and tell him you hate a representative government. Fucking idiot.

  10. SO RIGHT

    BP needs to effin get on that oil spill, so whatever it takes! If James Cameron and his arrogant self can help that along, more power to him!! Barack Obama also needs to get a plan in place, as this is a diaster! UGH!

  11. James Cameron

    Hey, let’s get fucked up and then drive around in a huge boat trying to clean up and oil spill! Who’s with me?!

  12. Rush

    Canada’s G&M calls Cameron an expert, so you better believe them.

    I think it’s pretty cool when celebs actually start spending their own money on humanitarian efforts and stop just talking about it. They automatically gains respect, even if the person is a moron. Maybe it’s the name, but David Cameron reminds me of David Carradine.

  13. LPB

    So now he’s a drilling and completion engineer, too?

    Great. One more guy who’ll need to have so much explained to him that it’ll be a huge waste of time no one really has right now.

  14. Crusty

    If this story holds up and John Stewart and Bill Maher don’t jump all over it, there’s no justice in the world. They won’t of course because they’ll be sufficiently naive so as to buy this crap.

    Maybe Cameron can come up with an animated well cap that’ll work..

    Isn’t Cameron the same guy who filmed a movie about the sinking of the Titanic which took longer to watch that it took for the actual ship to sink?

    I can see this wrapping up straightaway.

  15. Michael Bay

    Maybe we can get a scuba suit on Megan Fox, and she can jam her big fat stupid mouth over the oil geyser, and save the Gulf! Have they even bothered to try shoving Rosie O’Donnel into the hole to plug it up? Shouldn’t we at least TRY that?

  16. grobpilot

    Call in the Hollywood retards to take care of the problem? That’s the best
    Obama can fucking do? However, this probably isn’t something Obama thought up by himself. The fucking morons he surrounds himself with are the ones who suggested it to him. We are completely screwed, and I don’t mean just with the oil spill, either.

  17. SO RIGHT

    Have we considered plugging the hole with Michael Moore?

  18. Anexio

    Who cares what this Canadian POS thinks says or does?

    I have been around this guy a number of times and can personally attest that he’s a douchnozzle of titanic proportions. (Sorry, had to do it.)

    He’s a pretty good film director though. Who can forget Piranha II: The Spawning and Rambo: First Blood Part II?

  19. Derek

    Hey, any idea is a good idea at this point. If he can help, then let him.
    And grobpilot, “Hollywood idiots” are one of the few groups that are able to PRODUCE a PRODUCT made in the USA that people in other countries will actually pay for.

  20. Jimmy

    Send him in, fix the leak. He can’t do any worse than that marionette in the WH.

  21. Indeed, Jim must be controlling the robot cameras. LOL

  22. Walter Crankcase

    I don’t recall James Cameron as having a nice face, large boobs, and a winning smile. So why is he here?

    This story has been out for almost 24 hours, on the real news sites. The mocking of the Dufus In Chief is already over.

    What news flash do we get tomorrow? North Korea sinks S. Korean warship? Iranian leader says that Holocaust never happened?

    Better to re-run naked pictures from 3 years ago than to delve into yesterday’s quasi-political news.

  23. grobpilot

    #19: Keep in mind that the “products” that Hollywood produces are fantasies on film and the actors are mindless drones that only read scripts and follow directions. Not one of them has the technical skills or knowledge required to fix a problem as big as this leak. Don’t look to the people who provide for your entertainment to provide for your security and peace of mind as well.

  24. Lori

    Dear Superficial Writer:

    There are so many hilarious spots in this post that I can’t even begin to address them all as I am in awe of your fabulous wit!

    Thank you!

    Lori

  25. Jestersdead

    How about being a fng leader and pulling every Goddamn deep water oil expert in the world to a summit and brainstorm this shit out. Could you imagine the clusterfuck this will be when Cameron and his entourage show up in their yacht and hazmat suits. Maybe this explains the Democrats moron view of the world……If you saw it in a movie it must be true, huh whodathunkit, Landing on a meteor and Kicking Martian ass is real folks, write it down………………

  26. Hank Rearden

    Did you bother to read the Limbaugh quote??? He did not say that the oil spill is perfectly natural. Show me where he said any such thing. Besides being an effing libtard, you can’t even read. Neither can your libtard fans.

  27. Hank Rearden

    @9 — I’d be more than happy to restore the representative government that existed in George Washington’s day — blacks and women couldn’t vote, only white property owners could vote; and the federal government was smaller than most state governments. What an improvement over having an African communist in the White House.

  28. Allen

    Barack Obama getting James Cameron to plug the BP oil pipeline is like NASA getting Michael Bay to stop a killer asteroid on course with Earth.

  29. THE Solution

    Here is the solution to all of our problems:

    - All of BP’s future profits should go to environmental protection, as well as reimbursing those coastal communities negatively affected by the spill, and the individuals whose livelihood is affected.

    - The writer of this blog should abstain from trying to be humorous. For whenever he attempts to write “comedy” he fails miserably. Just save us the time dude.

    - James Cameron should never write another screenplay again. His scripts are tacky, unoriginal, and just plain suck. Just direct James, just direct.

    - The U.S. government needs to be replaced.

  30. MrChips

    Chardonnay? Faggot.

  31. duh

    Amazes to me no end how many clueless idiots have opinions about how to go about stopping this fricking oil leak, and think that it is a simple operation. . I know that BP has hundreds of engineers working on this thing. People. . . .they are trying to do work in water one mile deep. That is 5280 feet. Pressures and temperatures (cold) at that depth are pretty significant–about 2400 pounds per square inch. All while dealing with currents going different directions, not to mention the buffeting caused by the escaping oil and gases, all while trying to steer some robots using mostly visual references from one mile above.

    Let these people do their job. Let the government do what current administration does best, communitiy organizing and get a bunch of green peace activists down there with mops and clean this bitch up. Earth will survive.

    By the way, give Rush a couple of days listening to him you will find that he is very often RIGHT. Give it a try, unless you are too chicken to believe that someone can be right most of the time.

  32. LPB

    I did like Limbaugh’s comment that as long as we’re getting James Cameron to help, we should also get Richard Baseheart and the Seaview on the job, too.

  33. Steve Wondersmith

    Stop crying, the oil spill ain’t that bad and we probably won’t even remember it next month. A few tarballs on the beach and everyone wants to berate the oil industry and the government.
    Heidi and Spencer broke up man! Where are your priorities people?!?!?!?

  34. ROUGH vs the status quo

    That is true; you would have garner much more respect from me, if you were a political groupie instead of following celebs around all day. I spit at your feet sir. *PEWWW*

  35. Fantasies on film production in Hollywood and the actors that are mindless drones in mind that the only scripts are read and follow the instructions. Technical skills or knowledge of them is not as large as the crack need to fix a problem. Those who provide for their entertainment to provide for their security and peace of mind do not look as well.

  36. Pressure and temperature (cold) at this depth is fairly large – about 2,400 pounds per square inch. While dealing with the power going in different directions, not to mention the turmoil caused by the oil and gas escapes

  37. Mal Ca

    anyone who says Obama is responsible for plugging the leak is so effing stupid, he must put L and R on his shoes so he can get off to good start in the morning. the guy is a senator and Constitutional law professor, not a freaking geologist or engineer or oceanographer, all of whom can’t figure out how the hell to plug the damn thing. Come with better crap than that, or STFU.

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  47. captain america

    ………………JUST HIDE, folks!!
    as fast as you can though.

  48. Truth

    Superficial, You are too talented to be wasting your time here. Honestly u truly should move on to bigger and better things. I crack myself everytime i come to your site. You have a gift man.

  49. Loose Lips

    I don’t get it…can’t they just have a beer summit? That seems about the extent as to what Hussien Obama can muster when there’s some sort of dispute.

  50. Yasen I still drink?

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