The Superficial presents ‘Wait. WTF is That?’

March 22nd, 2009 // 183 Comments

Welcome to The Superficial’s latest caption gallery showcasing celebs who are flawed human beings just like you guys. As for me, I’m what they call “man gorgeous,” and there’s also a pretty good chance I’m a centaur. Minus the horse.

superficial

  1. Lala

    This whole gallery and your ignorant comments make me never want to read this site again. They’re not even funny. There’s nothing wrong with Jewel’s cleavage; are you retarded? Have you ever seen cleavage in real life, or are airbrushed tits the extent of your exposure to the female body?

  2. someone is crazy

    @90 Ted Turner & AOL are assholes. He owes me fifty bucks. If I stole 50 bucks from someone by using their credit card without their permission which I obtained from a third party, I would go to jail but Ted Turner gets to be a billionaire. Steal Fifty bucks from a billion people and you have fifty billion dollars. And yes, this happened five years ago but I will NEVER Forgive.

  3. Lala

    And as for Hayden Pana-whatever, that a special self-adhesive bra, usually used for strapless, backless dresses. The “breast enhancers” you mistook them for are slipped INTO bras. Jackass.

  4. knikki

    you need more gerard butler.waaaaaaaay more,DAMNIT

  5. dude

    Man, I love this post. Good job fish, fantastic laughs.

    I’m just glad the net ain’t scratch-n-sniff

  6. Abdo

    All I can say is
    THEY ALL ARE PHOTOSHOPPED!!!!!!!!

    so lame actually!!

  7. Venom

    Paris.
    The herpes is everywhere.

  8. 8x

    man nicole kidman got some creepy fuckin claws on her.
    looks like shes been playing in the embalming fluid too long.
    and yay for monique or whatever her name is.
    but im kinda glad she didnt wave hi.

  9. Dr. Mimi

    Beyonce’s “flaw” is from keloid scarring from a transaxillary breast augmentation incision….

  10. Katherine

    Okay, acne, and breakouts are something I would excuse because you can’t control that, but there is no excuse for the HAIRY ASS LEGS MoNique is sporting. Good lord, I know she prides herself on being big, but I didn’t know that included nasty ass legs. And that no belly button…that will haunt me forever.

  11. Mimi's massive breeding hole - flies and all

    #90 is quite a read. And some say it is irrelevent. What the fuck here is relevent.? It’s all garbage humor. Which is fine with me. It’s funny and nasty. And sometimes people write shit irrelevent to the irrelevent subject matter.
    Just don’t read it you retards. Go fuck your mother in the attic or bite a rat’s asshole off.

  12. Whoa! I like here so much. She’s so pretty. Awesome! I love you Paris Hilton…

  13. by your logic, #111, let's have 100 of these...

    Homosexuality is a SIN
    &
    God Hates Sin

    If you are looking, for the right to continue
    in that which is clearly called a perversion,
    then you have found the wrong site!
    Homosexuality is a SIN period!
    Not only that but it is unnatural
    The same as sex with an animal is unnatural!

    The Bible doesn’t speak much of the sin of Homosexuality?
    It also doesn’t speak of incest or bestiality much more neither?
    Guess you want to make them legal and not a sin also!

    What is worse then the sin of Homosexuality?
    Teaching people it’s ok to commit the sin of homosexuality.

    As it is written,
    But whoso shall cause one of these little ones
    that believe on me to stumble,
    it is profitable for him
    that a great millstone
    should be hanged about his neck,
    and that he should be sunk in the depth of the sea.

    The word homosexuality in the dictionairy states
    nothing about the person’s age, just same sex!
    Anybody who is attracted to the same sex is a Homosexual
    or they are a Heterosexual if attracted to opposite sex,
    regardless of any age differences.
    So a 20 year old man
    who molest a 14 year old boy is a Homosexual!

    What does Jesus teach in the New Testemant about sin?

    From John 8:3-11 paraphrased

    And the scribes and Pharisees brought unto him a man caught in homosexuality
    and when they had set him in the midst,
    They say unto him, “Master, this man was taken in homosexuality,
    in the very act, Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned to death: but what sayest thou?”
    This they said, tempting him, that they might have to accuse him.
    But Jesus stooped down, and with his finger wrote on the ground,
    as though he heard them not.
    So when they continued asking him, he lifted up himself, and said unto them,
    “He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone at him”.
    And again he stooped down, and wrote on the ground.
    And they which heard it, being convicted by their own conscience,
    went out one by one, beginning at the eldest, even unto the last:
    and Jesus was left alone, and the man standing in the midst.
    When Jesus had lifted up himself, and saw none but the man,
    he said unto him, “Man, where are those thine accusers?
    hath no man condemned thee”?
    He said, “No man, Lord.”
    And Jesus said unto him, “Neither do I condemn thee: go, and sin no more!”

    Where does Jesus say to continue in
    the sin of Adultry or Homosexuality?????

    Where does he say it’s not a sin?

    2 Timothy 3:16 all scripture is given by inspiration of God, and is profitable for doctrine, for reproof, for correction, for instruction in righteousness:

    Three gay men named Sam, Rick, & Joe went to church. The preacher stood up and preached about the sins of fornication, adultery and homosexuality. Sam stood up and started clapping his hands in protest of the sermon. Rick stood up and followed suit with the protest and started clapping his hands also. Joe lowered his head and as a tear dropped to the ground and said “God be merciful to me a sinner!”

    Tell me which of the three men went home justified that day?

    Tell me which of the three men is doing the work of their father the devil?

    Tell me which of the three men is the one who has the blood of Rick on his hands?
    If any person who comes to Jesus Christ,
    and don’t love Jesus Christ over,
    their father,
    or their mother,
    or their spouse,
    or their children,
    or their brothers,
    or their sisters,
    or even their own life,
    they are not able to be a followers of Jesus Christ!

    The thoughts and intents
    of your heart is the same as the sin!

    Matthew 5
    27. Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery:
    28. But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart.

    Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit homosexuality:
    But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a man to lust after him
    hath committed an abomination with him already in his heart.

    Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit homosexuality:
    But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after
    her hath committed an abomination with her already in her heart.
    Does God say it’s ok to Lust?

    Matthew 4
    1. Then was Jesus led up of the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted of the devil.
    2. And when he had fasted forty days and forty nights, he was afterward an hungred.
    The devil always attacks you when you are the weakest!
    Think about it, who does it say the temptor is? It’s the devil!
    The Devil is the one putting the actual thoughts into the person’s head in the first place to make them think they are a homosexual!

    James 1
    14. But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed.
    15. Then when lust hath conceived, it bringeth forth sin: and sin, when it is finished, bringeth forth death.
    The temptor here is the devil also, it is the the devil who puts the thought into the man’s head!
    The man is then drawn away by the thought which is put into his head which causes him to be enticed to own lust and desires!
    The thought that was put into the person’s head is evil, you can stop it there and it is not a sin or lusting!
    So since Jesus Stopped it cold by using the Scripture of the Bible he never was enticed to commit sin!

    But every man is tempted, when he is drawn away of his own lust, and enticed which leads to sin. It’s his own Lust that lets him be tempted in the first place but God tells us to abstain from fleshly lusts, which war against the soul and that we should no longer live the rest of our lifes in the flesh to the lusts of it, but to the will of God. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world.

    The Truth is if you “lust” then you are disobeying God
    because he tells you not to lust!
    So you are then “missing the mark” or “sinning”!
    Therefore to him
    that knoweth to do good,
    and doeth it not,
    to him it is sin.
    PROOF!

    QUOTE:: During the years in which I tried to use religion to change my gayness, I always became uncomfortable with any readings or discussions of Jn. 13. In that passage, Jesus stripped down, “girded” Himself with a towel, and washed the feet of His disciples. Then He used that towel to dry their feet, while still wearing that towel as a loincloth (13:5). Think of where that put their feet. After Jesus explained the symbolism of this act, Simon Peter told Jesus to wash his entire body; to my relief, Jesus said only the feet needed it (13:9-10). Soon after Jesus dressed, Simon Peter laid down against His chest while conversing with Him (13:25).

    Sometimes we get small thoughts into our heads, when we’re reading the bible or just thinking to ourselves. Thoughts that aren’t right, like lust, or that we COULD take a certain passage of scripture to mean something other than it says, so that it makes those thoughts we’re having ok. This is the work of Satan. What this person has done is listened to those thoughts, and expanded on them. This is very wrong. If it’s not of Christ, it is of Satan, and if it is of Satan than you need to get rid of that thought immediately.

    If this person had the Holy Spirit then he would recognize the voice!
    Professing Christians?

    Joe accepted a temptation from the devil,
    then Joe proclaimed “I am a Homosexual”.
    Joe then says and beleives
    “I have a homosexual orientation”.
    For with the heart man believeth unto un-righteousness;
    and with the mouth confession is made as a homosexual.

    or

    Bill accepted a temptation from the devil,
    then Bill proclaimed “I am an atheist”.
    Bill then says and beleives
    “There is no God”.
    For with the heart man believeth unto un-righteousness;
    and with the mouth confession is made as an atheist.

    Both have to reject the temptation they accepted
    before they are saved!

    Jesus Christ said you cannot serve 2 masters.
    In both of these cases the Devil is the person’s master
    and it is the Devil whom he or she serves.
    Anybody can say “I am a Christian”
    but Jesus Christ says otherwise!

    For with the heart man believeth unto righteousness;
    and with the mouth confession is made unto salvation.

    You need to publicily denouce your homosexuality!

    Same as Rev 13:16-18
    The Mark of the Beast!

    You Disagree?
    As it is written,
    For the time will come
    when they will not endure sound doctrine;
    but after their own lusts
    shall they heap to themselves teachers,
    having itching ears;

    THE COST!

    Who knowing the judgment of God,
    that they which commit such things
    are worthy of death,
    not only do the same,
    but have pleasure in them that do them!
    How can ye escape the damnation of hell?

    hell_is_real_
    &
    JESUS IS THE ANSWER! ! ! ! !

  14. Nicole Kidman is totally disgusting looking, and I’m sick to death of her being worshipped as if she’s hot shit down here.

    Bottom line: she’s a redhead, and she’s got the skin that goes with it. All this talk of medical problems, etc. is bullshit.

    That fugly pig puts some makeup on to cover up her obvious repulsiveness and suddenly you can’t see that she’s still the gingervitis-case she always was.

    I defy anyone to watch, “Dead Calm”, (one of her first movies), without wanting to hurl at her shitty pale skin, Weird Al Yankovic hair, childish manner, and fucked up face.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pHsf_wOrqTE

    And don’t get me started on her so-called “acting” and post-Cruise, self-aggrandising Gloria Gaynor sob story. If she wasn’t such a shameless, self-interested retard, she wouldn’t have gone near that couch-jumping midget in the first place.

  15. Laura

    K this WTF series is pretty entertaining and shit, but c’mon people. You’d have to be pretty stupid to think that that Monique’s photo isn’t completely photo-shopped!

  16. The Truth

    Monique can’t do anything about it. Nigresses need to shave every hour or so or they revert to their natural apelike appearance.

  17. Larissa

    Right, so we’re gonna use the connection of “paris hilton has a cold sore so she’s totally a slut!”
    Perhaps it should be pointed out that certain flaws don’t define you to a specific stereotype. Thanks for increasing the ignorance of society.

  18. RaraAvis

    Fish, thank you for a highly entertaining post on a sloooow news day. I must admit that I agree this could contain more men, and it would be great if you could keep that in mind for your next scintillating post. (Oh, please, let there be more like this!) Your commentary continues to keep me highly amused. And I would still do ya.

  19. ++++

    You people are such morons! Monique pic= PHOTOSHOP!

    oh and btw…miranda kerr IS a freak of nature, just a very pretty one

  20. RKG7

    ….What’s up with post #113? A random rant about homosexuality? Teehee.

  21. Daisy

    FAKE!!!!

    This is a complete photoshop job. You can tell its a fake because the shadow’s are all wrong.

    This is exactly like that scene in the movie Never Back Down where…

  22. finally: HERPES ARRIVED, folks!!

  23. Yes. Best ever.

  24. KC Sunshine

    I’ve sucked a lot of diseased cocks in my time, and I’ve had the sores to prove it. Whatever that is on Paris’ lip, it ain’t herpes. I know from. However, Katie Holmes is another story – that thing in the corner of her mouth is disgusting, it looks like it’s got a pulse. I wonder whose dirty dick could have done that to her?

  25. Yeah, welcome to life they're all secretly dreadful..

    katie holmes is wretched enough without terribly photoshopping blood dripping out of her mouth.. that looks so ridiculously fake. oh and you couldn’t tell hayden had a push up bra? i need to go look at keira knightley now to wash out my eyes..

  26. NikolA

    I thought that #113 was so inspired by the pictures he even took the time to write us a little poem. As it turns out he is one deeply frustrated person in conflict with his sexuality seeking redemption in Jesus by spreading “His” word. I’m not gay, neither a believer, yet that is the stupidest thing i have ever read in my life! I wonder does he even masturbate considering that would be a sin and unnatural.

    Later I saw he was responding to #111 who was defending #90… and then I got lost in the subject.

    Jews, Gays, moms fucked in the attics, rats’ assholes bitten of (leave the animals out of this!)… and I thought this was about Paris Hilton finally getting a herpes!

    Some people are alive ONLY because it’s illegal to kill them.

  27. Still White on the Outside

    …and then I said, no I’m not gay, I’m just confused… and then, right after I knelt down and unzipped him…

    oops… wrong blog…

  28. Nat

    Monique may be big, but I swear…the brothas love healthy women over Holocost re-enacters like Lindsey Lohan, Amy Winehouse and pale ass Anne Hathaway. You can have them skinny bitches, give me someone that doesnt look like they are ready for a German oven!

  29. Nat

    From # 116. The Truth – March 24, 2009 11:09 PM
    “Monique can’t do anything about it. Nigresses need to shave every hour or so or they revert to their natural apelike appearance”
    ____________________________________________________________
    I’m confussed! White men grow hair on their backs and are typically more hairy than any other race on earth. And………(drumroll) when you shave a monkey, his skin is white…….and (another drumroll) monkeys have straight hair, its not curly (nappy) like the hair of black folks………and (last drumroll) monkeys have thin lips!

    So when you talk about the connection of one race to animals, in my life time, white people have the skin of a pig, the hair of an ape, the lips of a monkey and they smell like dogs when they get wet. I’m just sayin’

  30. .

    Jesus 130. I’m White and I was totally gonna applaud your comment for its sense and great points…until I read the last paragraph. Why did you put that?

    btw I’m white and I have very full lips.

  31. Sarah

    Fish,

    your site is pretty, but the comments are so ugly.

  32. #132 – Hey Sarah, you know what else is ugly? Here… (hands Sarah mirror…)

  33. hmm..... what?

    I am white and my legs are about as hairy as monique’s.
    I think all of these are just showing celebs are human and of course they have flaws. I don’t think they should be made fun of except Paris….. herpes…..gross. She deserves it.

  34. Where's Darkwing Duck?

    I wonder what Karolina Kourkova’s non-existent belly button would feel like if you rubbed your penis against it.

  35. Maki

    Before saying anything stupid on Paris (like herpies), didn’t you think it is just a mark of her botox injection …

    come on

    be realistic

  36. Binky

    Quite a pix collection…
    Since when does this site do research ?

  37. liz4sale

    Ashlee Simpson needs to invest in tongue scrapper..nicole kidmans hands look that way cuz shes in her 40s. thats just what happens. some people worse than others. and you would think these ppl with all their money could get their bodily hair under control. geez ..oh and the model with no belly button. haha. i saw her in a VS catalogue and was like what idiot air brushed her belly button off. guess the jokes on me, she doesnt have one. but yea ppl r getting upset on here cuz hes showing women in a negative light but really all hes doing is trying to show that celebrities are human too and they aren’t as perfect as they are made out to be. i can appreciate that : )

  38. TheSmartOne

    OH NO! GD forbid we show people as they actually are! does anyone notice these are all women? that’s right guys- like YOU women ALL WOMEN are not perfect- get over yourselves cause they still would not have sex with YOU!
    HAHAHAHA!

  39. your Bedazzler (TM)

    # 90 and #113, this site is called “the Superficial” for a reason.
    Now cut it out.

  40. your Bedazzler (TM)

    P.S.
    BTW, thank you for these photos, ‘Fish.
    What a splendid collection.
    I’m thrilled to my hammertoes.

  41. amoi

    This was horrifying! I feel ill.

  42. you’d think they would be the ones with the money to wax or something, YIKES.

  43. Just_As_it_IS

    No wonder why this site is called the superficial…

    @142
    If you fell ill looking at this post, you’ll feel ill whenever you walk down any street. Here are only pictures of human beings. With money, but human beings. Imperfect as we all are.

    If the superficial writer were a woman, there’d be a bunch of pictures of men and only one or two of women.

    The only thing I will say is about those hairy legs. THAT has no excuse and can’t be considered a flaw. Instead a lack of self-respect. yay!

  44. marcela

    Ok, Madonna has moustache….but beard too!! She could make the Bearded Woman on Britney’s Circus…jejeje

  45. marcela

    Ok, dont look Monique hairy legs….just her awful jelly arms!!! Please everyone when i started to look like her, just shoot me!! shoot! shoot!
    ________________________________________

    About Hayden Pann..cake.. a question assault me….What’s smaller her breast? cleavage? dress? or the implant is too big for her? jeje i had a pair of that when younger but mine were more cute with a little nipples…and overweight make magic for me after few years…. :)

  46. Rizzo

    @130
    Combating racism with more racism. Counterproductive, much?

  47. Jessica

    OMG!! that’s sooo crazy..haha

  48. HorseMingle.com ——-Meet tens of thousands of sincere sexy, hot ,weekend cowboys and cowgirls and rural people from all of countries ,especially those in your city.! Don’t be shy! Finding partners, romance, flirtation, or just friendship and fun. Love is just a mouse click away here!

  49. camel_toe

    horse mingle? wtf?why not horse rape? it’s more catchy?

Leave A Comment