The Superficial presents ‘Wait. WTF is That?’

March 22nd, 2009 // 183 Comments

Welcome to The Superficial’s latest caption gallery showcasing celebs who are flawed human beings just like you guys. As for me, I’m what they call “man gorgeous,” and there’s also a pretty good chance I’m a centaur. Minus the horse.


  1. ldy

    Ever saw a one sorta like this one on *** A f f l u e n t M e e t com *** It’s where romancing with the rich singles!

  2. mikeock

    She must’ve cut her lip on the obligatory Star accessory – a can of Red Bull





  5. Indrani

    It’s not herpes. It’s just a clean surface wound (you can see that it’s smooth, sores look entirely different), skin torn off. Someone bit her lip hard.

    I have herpes, and that ain’t it.

  6. Fuzzbutt

    Awesome comment, #5! Way to be an expert on something!

  7. Indrani

    You can even see the puncture wound, the dark spot on the innner side. That’s where he bit her, and then scraped the skin off with the teeth as he pulled back.

  8. Rachel

    I agree with #5 that that isn’t herpes on Paris. I would be pretty amazed if she doesn’t actually have oral (and non-oral) herpes, but that picture is not herpes.

    I feel bad for most of these people having all their flaws pointed out. However, I did go through and look at every picture, because I am not a saint.

  9. baby

    What is going on with nicole kidman’s HANDS???

  10. baby

    What is going on with nicole kidman’s HANDS???

  11. Ryan

    i KNEW Madonna was a drag.

  12. g_girl

    Christ, Monique. i was never that hairy in my entire life!!!

  13. Jeezy

    I firmly believe all of these pictures are real and none of them are photoshopped at all…

  14. Jazz

    Jewel also might want to consider investing in some sunscreen.

  15. meh...

    be it herpes or not, we all know she freakin HAS em.

  16. Amanda

    Those aren’t breast enhancers that Hayden Panettiere is wearing– it’s called a nu bra. It’s just a gel bra that is backless and strapless.

  17. g_girl

    so what, plenty of people have herpes. get over it.

  18. John

    “5. Indrani – March 24, 2009 8:08 AM

    It’s not herpes. It’s just a clean surface wound (you can see that it’s smooth, sores look entirely different), skin torn off. Someone bit her lip hard.

    I have herpes, and that ain’t it.”

    Paris Hilton and #5 are both a couple of nasty cock sucking whores.

  19. meh...

    i may be crazy, but i think a little nose hair and furry lip is kinda hot on salma hayek. it’s like she’d too busy being hot and hispanic to care.

    definitely not madonna though. never her.

  20. Miranda Kerr should not be on with these freaks. The nastiest is Ashlee Simpson, unless shes swallowing my goo she should keep that kack landing strip tucked….Hayden is cute!

  21. havoc

    Okay, Nicole Kidman’s hands win…holy shit.

    I…..holy shit.


  22. It's Me Fuckers

    the fuckin hairy legs!! OMG!! THAT was disturbing! Nicole Kidman’s hands look like she put them in boiling water… ouch

  23. Zanna

    Suddenly…I feel beautiful.

  24. Id rather be poke in the eyes, 3 stooges style then seeing “monique”‘s Serengeti legs, she swears being obese is beautiful…

  25. I think it’s a bruise from a pelvic bone being repeatedly slammed into her lip.

  26. lizzy

    this was great, thank you!

    alicia’s keys’s chest hair and mo’nique’s man legs i think were by far the worst up there.

  27. Lee

    Don’t get grossed out at Nicole Kidman, she could have Erythromelalgia or Raynaud’s for all that you know.

    Nothing to freak out about ya retards.

  28. Those are skid marks from an erect penis on Paris’ lower lip, proving she’s a boring suck… Ashlee Simpson, to her credit, displays the proper technique.

  29. Does this one ever take out her blue contact lens to let her naturally brown eyes breathe?

  30. Apes in the White House

    That’s a puncture wound from a sickle cell from sucking on monkey cock.

  31. Photoshop Police

    could be a burn from a glass “bowl”

    or could just be from drinkin too much.

  32. Rob

    That pic of midget? That’s actually a strapless bra poking out, which I guess is techhnically a breast enhancer. But, it’s not like she’s stuffing it. So, you get A for effort for the joke, but fail.

  33. farty mcshitface

    so number #19, is that what your hookup told you when he infested you with his diseased spunk?
    this is a pretty damn good chamber of horrors we have here. from that fat, ugly bitch with the hairy legs to the crypt keeper’s stache these are things to fear indeed. kidmans hands are very fucked up as well but, she has ALWAYS been one of those horrible, hideous things from down under.
    but where in the hell is that pic with paula abdul and her caved in sternum?
    now that was fucked up!

  34. jlylec

    i’d dental dam those bitches like eastbound and down…

  35. Melanie

    i think nicole kidman (if that isnt photoshopped) has a medical issue. my friends hands (well whole body) was super super dry, like so dry lotion wouldnt even really help, and when they would have their hands down at their side for long periods of time, when he would lift up his hands they would look just like that, all red and turning kinda blue at the wrist… so it could be whatever my friend has – i dont know, but something IS NOT RIGHT about that… ouch!!

  36. melanie

    PS – she is so darn pale, it very well could be the blood rushing to her hands while they are at her side, keeping them hanging at her side for a while then lifting them up (if she has what my friend has and due to her being very pale, could just be blood you are seeing through the skin!)

  37. RichPort's Ghost

    quick everybody, look at my superintelligent and witty quips and observations I make. I mean, look at #30, c’mon, how ingenius and superfunny and sophisticated is that? Nobody can come close to touching my intellectual posts. Everyone should just drop down and thank god for me being here to make these keen remarks in such a smart and prophesizing manner. Everyone should print out all my posts and read them like a bible. May Biraq Obomma bless you, all of you. Jizz in my ass Biraq.

  38. I'm B'lack Obomma, and I married Bigfoot.

    I’m B’lack Obomma, and I’m going to tax your employer so much that you get fired and your company goes out of business, which will create jobs!

    Also, I’m going to print trillions of dollars without any collateral backing the money, which will plunge the value of the US dollar to lower than a peso, sending our country into an economic depression, forcing every corporation and business that employs 90% of the US workforce to fire all their employees and move overseas, which will create more jobs!


  39. I'm watching you


  40. I’m 14. Stop picking on me.

  41. Janey

    This fucking place hasn’t changed a goddamn bit…. Trolls, retards, spambots, idiots, fat dudes living in mom’s basements, AND US!!!!
    Hi ya Rich and Zanna!!!!

  42. NipTuck

    Thanks for this :)

  43. M-

    Been saying for years Madonna is actually a man….

  44. M-

    Been saying for years Madonna is actually a man….

  45. Joanna

    Dear Superficial writer: I love you. Honestly. I really do. Youre the perfect man mixed with a tad of psycho clown and a smidge of all that makes Homer Simpson something that makes me accidentally slide off my chair.

    But this. Youre showing pictures of women with stretchmarks, cellulite and body hair, like its a freakshow. This is what women actually look like. Especially after they give birth. Its cruel as hell to point some of these things out like theyre unnatural or we are all supposed to be horribly ashamed of them.

    Theres only one flawed man on your list. Which honestly makes me think you just despise women. Which I kind of know isnt true.

    But speaking for the global league of tits and pussy: This kind of stuff makes us sad in our hearts. Even more sad than we already are. It makes us not want to get naked in front of boys. It makes us cry in front of the mirror.

    PS. Id still make sweet rabbit-on-a-jackhammer love to you. But try to throw some more flawed dudes into the mix next time, mkay?

  46. tode

    nicole kidman

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