♫ Here Comes The Spider-Man… ♫

The Superficial / February 4, 2011

Or maybe just that guy.

In case you’ve been literally nowhere on the Internet this morning, the new Spider-Man movie has officially crossed the line from unnecessary reboot to the most intricate gay porn since Top Gun. On that note, that noise you just heard was every single exec at Sony realizing they’ve financed a movie where Spider-Man gets downward dogged in a parking lot. Which, let’s be honest, is going to move a shit-ton of action figures. To you, not me.

*Googles pre-orders*

Aw, sweet. This one shoots web-goo.

Photos: Splash News, WENN