Spencer Pratt’s Douche Manifesto revealed

July 1st, 2008 // 99 Comments

Somebody, somewhere on the Interwebs decided to do some research (?) into the whole Mary-Kate Olsen/Spencer Pratt feud which apparently started back in high school. In a 2007 Details article, Spencer brags about selling a picture of an underage Mary-Kate drinking at a party for $50,000. On top of of that, he also dishes out his blatant attempts to leech the everliving fuck out of the celebrity world even if it requires having sex with Heidi on video:

On getting Brody to date Nicole Richie:
“All right, then here’s what you’re gonna do. You’re gonna start dating Nicole Richie. And you’re gonna get that skinny bitch to eat, all right? You are about to become The Guy Who Got Nicole Richie to Eat. Process that shit, bro. You’ll be, like, a fucking hero to America.

On being famous
“What does it take to be famous nowadays? Nothing! Look at Nicole. She’s on the cover of every magazine every week. And why? Because she doesn’t eat. Well, lots of girls in this country don’t eat. That’s, like, my whole philosophy with Brody–make him part of that.”

On starting his own sex tape scandal:
Pratt spends 20 minutes talking about how he plans to make a tape of himself and Heidi Montag having sex, which he’s thinking about posting online.

On Kevin Connolly of HBO’s Entourage:
“That guy is a joke,” Pratt says with scorn. “We were Entourage before Entourage.” He’s not joking. To Pratt, the notion that someone would become famous by acting is ridiculous. “Why would anyone act,” he asks, “when they can just play themselves?”

Dear Hollywood,

I know you’re reading this because you can’t get enough awesome. Don’t worry; your secret’s safe. In return for my silence, I’m calling in a favor. The next time Spencer Pratt comes to your office with some sort of asscockian pitch, I want you to throw a bucket of AIDS in his face. Nothing fancy. Just a bucket of AIDS. If you don’t have a bucket of AIDS or recently threw one at a member of the Hogan family, I’d be glad to provide you with another one – free of charge.

Together we can make a difference.

The Superficial Writer.

superficial

  1. SoCalSteve

    FIRST!!!

  2. SoCalSteve

    Second!!!

  3. English Bob

    And here we are again…….More posts of these gormless fucktards or Mr. and Mrs. America as we like to call them…..

  4. surlywench

    He’s sooo fugly.

    I’d like to throw the two of them in a pit along with Amy Winehouse and see who comes out alive. My money’s on Amy.

  5. tabacchifc

    who cares?

  6. Did I read it right? Spencer and Heidi are going some lesbo porn? I bet Spencer is into DP!!

  7. kat

    dearest fish –
    please give these fucktards a break already. YOU are the one keeping them famous by posting on them everyday. their story lines are only getting more and more ridiculous as the days go by. the public cannot STAND it anymore. i know i want to gouge out my own eyes just seeing them on here again. they would just go away if no one cared to post about them or write an article about them. let’s start the trend. i’m begging you.

    sincerely,
    everyone

  8. Brian

    These idiots are only famous because of the prevalence and popularity of the modern paparazzi. If anyone outside of the US looks at these two in the pseudo-news and assumes that they represent the quintessential American they have some problems with narrow-mindedness.

    Long story short? You think these two are ridiculous? Don’t hold it against Americans, we think they are just as ridiculous, and an embarassment.

  9. sportsdvl

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  10. sportsdvl

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  11. Dura

    All these postings about these two and I still doen’t know who the hell they are and why they are famous.

  12. Dura

    All these postings about these two and I still don’t know who the hell they are and why they are famous.

  13. Vince

    Nothing personal, but I really think this douchbag needs a down to earth ass whooping….

    What about challenging him to fight MMA style??

    Even if he didn’t puck out, I think it would be worth it…. Hmm… Maybe…. :)

  14. meg

    I hate how this guy thinks hes some sort of PR genious… like really he’s gonna have to branch out from taking staged pictures of easter egg hunts and shit for him to get famous. And on top of all that….. they support Mcain? is that some sort of a joke? i really can’t tell who that hurts more…

  15. Did I miss the story about the model who thought she could fly until the pavement crushed her dreams?

  16. Ted Kennedy's tumor

    AIDS, it’s whats for dinner!

  17. These 2 are the biggest examples of losers becomming celebs when they don’t have any talent what so ever! Very sad.

    Almost as sad as the fact I’ve had 3 troll postings on this thread already before I ever logged on. It seems if you are going to be a troll, you’d at least try to be funny or something. I’m guessing the type of people who like Heide and Spencer are the exact same people who are trolls.

  18. Barak Obama

    Man, I wouldn’t want to catch AIDS again!

    Vote democrat! millions on welfare depend on you.

  19. Giomon_Rocks

    Someone please, for the love of humanity, take one for the team and cut this motherfucker’s head off. I’m so fucking sick of this “Hills” shit.

  20. Thanks for the post Brian, Im from Holland and al the seasons of the hills are airing on mtv these days.
    Which makes everyone believe here that all americans are like the newport harbor/laguna beach/the hills & all of the other MTV realityshows ‘characters’.
    Spencer is such an fugly A-hole unbelieveable that people like him excist.

  21. tom jones

    God i cannot stand even looking at this tool bag. Please strike him down with a lighting bolt while he is knee deep in a metal lined swimming pool.

  22. tom jones

    God i cannot stand even looking at this tool bag. Please strike him down with a lighting bolt while he is knee deep in a metal lined swimming pool.

  23. Hey Chuck, send me some wooden shoes, will ya?

  24. Jackspratling

    Nine months ago, we all wanted a break from whatever Britney or Paris or whoever was doing. Compared to these talentless hacks, Firecrotch/Britney/Paris and TCLTC seem pretty good right now.

    The only thing more frightening than Spencer Pratt’s doucheness is the soulless, vacant look in Audrina Partridge’s eyes. Actually, there is one more thing even more frightening than even that– the fact that I even know who these hosebags are.

  25. coffeebean

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    You fucktard Democrats nominated a terrorist douchebag that can’t even produce a valid birth certificate to prove that he is a US citizen.

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

  26. Angry Beaver

    This picture makes me feel strange. I’m getting an uncontrollable urge to put my fist through his gut, yank out his intestines and strangle him with them. Anything to get this fuckwad to shut the hell up. Maybe like in the cartoons, you could pull his tounge out about five feet and let it snap back and knocking his head off. Or better yet, tie him up and lock him in a room with Mary Kate, armed with a baseball bat and a strap-on.

  27. Felicity

    why won’t he die already?

  28. Felicity

    why won’t he die already?

  29. Felicity

    why won’t he die already?

  30. Felicity

    why won’t he die already?

  31. Felicity

    why won’t he die already?

  32. here's your teabag

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

    Obama leads in every poll in every battleground state.

    AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHA

  33. zizzy

    At first I could forgive this guy or being a total douche because I figured he was just raised that way and you can’t really help how you’re raised.

    Then they backed John McCain and even then I could forgive him for that because, lets face it, a lot of undereducated asshole believe are doing the same and if he becomes President he’ll end up dying from the draft to Iran or whatever country they’re taking over next.

    But insulting Kevin Connolly? You have gone too far. This guy is a total ass bag and I’m pretty sure he uses more hair product then everyone from the 80′s combined. Get a real job..and no you weren’t the first entourage. Real crews have balls…you guys have a noticeable lack.

  34. zizzy

    At first I could forgive this guy or being a total douche because I figured he was just raised that way and you can’t really help how you’re raised.

    Then they backed John McCain and even then I could forgive him for that because, lets face it, a lot of undereducated asshole believe are doing the same and if he becomes President he’ll end up dying from the draft to Iran or whatever country they’re taking over next.

    But insulting Kevin Connolly? You have gone too far. This guy is a total ass bag and I’m pretty sure he uses more hair product then everyone from the 80′s combined. Get a real job..and no you weren’t the first entourage. Real crews have balls…you guys have a noticeable lack.

  35. coffeebean

    “Obama leads in every poll in every battleground state.”

    So reports MSNBC.

    Just keep believing them.

  36. I do believe Entourage was based on Marky Mark’s friends. And do think “Douchebaggia” was based on Spencer’s family fuck sessions.

  37. Yes, “Entourage” was based on Marky Mark. While “Gay Butt Bangers Vol 4″ was based on Spencer Pratt and his friends.

  38. yawn

    spencer is winning.

  39. prometheus

    Are Spencer Pratt and Tucker Max the same guy?

  40. lulu

    so THATS how he’s famous…he sold a pic of somebody who HE said was getting publicity from HIM! WHAT A FUCKIN FAGGOT! LOL!!!!

  41. here's your teabag

    “”Obama leads in every poll in every battleground state.”

    So reports MSNBC.

    Just keep believing them.”

    I knew you didn’t know how to read. Polls are published, not just reported on TV. Every published poll, nationally and in-state, shows Obama ahead in every battleground state. That’s a fact, not an opinion.

  42. bigSTEAMYone

    I would like to kick both of these FUCKTARDS right in the nuts.

  43. 21st century digital boy

    Wow, I never noticed what a giant, Frankenstein head this douchemeister has. (Huge melon, but no brain – go figure.) His forehead seems to go on for at least a mile.

  44. Ted Mosby

    I wouldn’t mind seeing Heidi spread on all fours. Sadly, I think we have a better chance of seeing Spencer do that.

  45. free lily

    How the fuck is this clown and why is he constantly on this site? I’ve never seen or heard of him outside of this website. Why is he a “celebrity”?

  46. free lily

    Sorry, it should say, “Who”, not “How”.

  47. grobpilot

    “A bucket of AIDS”. That’s fuckin’ funny.

  48. hendero

    Someone should tell him there’s a box of Heidi’s used tampons in the middle of the desert, and when he goes to collect them, wham – the air force drops a nuke on him.

    That would rule.

  49. justifiable

    I read the original article – he’s the son of a “celebrity dentist”. This guy will be probably be done, buried and forgotten in 6 months, but I vote for live burial right now.

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