Spencer Pratt: ‘I’ll win Heidi back. With Army.’

June 3rd, 2010 // 189 Comments

Here’s Spencer Pratt in Malibu yesterday following up Heidi’s Sadness Photos with whatever the hell this staged shoot is supposed to represent. Is he so sad Heidi left him he can only communicate via walkie talkie now? I can’t even think about it without wanting to punch my brain stem out. On top of that, you’ve got everyone who knows them coming out of the woodwork to say their split is a stunt to sell Heidi’s new reality show including Jennifer Bunney who’s on the fucking thing. At this point, I honestly want to listen in on their conversations which is in no way an endorsement of whatever scripted bullshit they’ll act out on TV.

HEIDI: So I sat in front of a lake looking sad. What are you going to do?
SPENCER: I’m going to run around in the woods showing guys how rugged and into role-playing I am.
HEIDI: How does that help the show?
SPENCER: The what now?


  1. Ting Tong

    Why does he need two watches?? :/ He is a douche-bag so are the others who are going to leave comments after me!!!

    First Bitches!!!

  2. J

    damn you, Ting Tong…you stole my thunder!

    Squirrel Nuts needs his ass kicked by some actual Green Berets.

  3. Christina

    He looks like Brad Pitt with the beard…

  4. DogBoy

    He’s so much of a DOUCHE-SAURUS REX it boggles the mind.

  5. Katie

    I THOUGHT THEY’D BEEN VOTED OFF THE SITE! No more, please! No more!

  6. jim eh

    Oh look at me I’m a Commando, pjiou, pop, pow.

  7. Tragic1

    Whats with the two watches, Toolbag? Running around like some commando with a blue water bottle. What an unbelievable douche. Has to be Ting Tongs identical twin. ;)

  8. If Spencer wants to play army, maybe we can send him to Iraq. I for one, would be happy to see him dodge bullets instead of photographers.

  9. Why… Just why?

  10. Deacon Jones

    If this guy entered the corp his own squad would kill him in boot camp. Literally

  11. Tek

    I bet the photographer was laughing his ass off throughout the whole shoot. It’s that ridiculous.

  12. He looks like he’s trying to run away from Octo Mom. Either that or he’s part of the Ted Nugent fan club.

  13. cc

    OMG, see that? The special Navy SEAL issue bright blue water bottle.

  14. Tommy gun

    Let’s face it. This guy is a media genius. Let’s give him the props he deserves.

    Aren’t most guys douche bags anyway. He’s getting paid for it.

  15. titsonsnack

    He looks like Brad Pitt. And that’s not a compliment either, since Brad Pitt looks like Brad Shitt ever since he started traipsing around Namibian deserts with hoards of children.

  16. Dude Love

    Why is he jumping over the stream and then in the next photo tip toeing the same spot?

  17. Taint McGee

    I’ll be honest, this is the first time I actually laughed at one of them instead of just feeling pity. Now Heidi on the other hand, I’d like to drop kick her in that mask she keeps wearing.

  18. Dr. Nappy

    LOL These shots are apropos of nothing. WTF is he doing just running around sporting 2 watches and a water bottle? Why? It IS pretty funny though I’ve got to admit.

  19. Drop a Bomb on Spencer's Face

    Why the hell is this dude getting posted? He is a pile of human shit who depends on somebody publishing the results of his gay army escapade. Holy shit.

  20. hmna

    What. The. Fuck.

  21. Sheena

    He looks like a fucking poodle in camo.

  22. froghammer

    What Katie said.

  23. footclan

    Does he think he’s hardcore for running and jumping a tiny stream? This is hillarious!

  24. Michelle


  25. Hurwitz

    Such hilarious comments. Fish is on his game. “The what now?”
    Also, great Arrested Development reference in title. Much appreciated.

  26. GeneralEmergency


    Yes, there he/she/it is… “Ol’ Poodle Face”.

  27. Why two wrist watches?

  28. kat

    ……what the FUCK?

  29. Champ

    wow. Just, wow.

  30. andy

    you are clearly enabling these two assholes. i prefer my idiot celebrity new to be of a little higher level… why not leave (at least) spencer to someone else to report.

  31. Kelley

    Take it out back and shoot it. The end. Where would Heidi’s “acting” career be then ?? You’ve got to be able to move your face to act. She can’t.

  32. AtomicCoffee

    I figured it out. He WANTED to go mountain biking, but the “Coral Canyon” sign says specifically that NO BIKES are allowed, so he decided to manually mountain bike.

    Sigh. All his clothes are brand new.

    I blame his father. When he was 6 years old, and he was putting on his little skits for the family in the living room, his dad should have pulled him aside, slapped him in the ears, punched him in the stomach, and said, “Stop this! You’re mother thinks it’s cute because she’s your MOTHER, but you better stop acting like My “Eff-ing” Little Pony, or I’m gonna beat you ’til Shirley Temple drops outta your ass! Now take this pistol outside and shoot that lousy chihuahua of yours, or I WILL!”

  33. sunshine

    I am too good enough for the A-Team, I wanna be on the A-Team, I wanna be. . . breaks down sobbing, curled in a fetal position.

  34. AteIsEnough

    Seriously, WTF??? He and Heidi are both fuctards!!

  35. M

    HAHAHAAHAHAHAHHA can these two get any dumber?? :D superficial, thanks for the fun:)))

  36. Evan

    why is he wearing two watches?

  37. havoc

    He’s like a kid playing army or something. Running around through people’s bushes.

    Can’t imagine why she left him…..

  38. Sandy

    @ #32. Your comment made me sad.

  39. Where’s Dick Cheney when you need him?

  40. Dread not

    Spencer is well on his way to the stardom he wants. It will be breaking Hollywood news about how he baracaded himself inside building armed to the teeth, and went on a shooting spree. He won’t turn the gun on himself, though, because he’s fooled himself into believing that his new found fame will lead to his own reality show from prison. This dude WILL snap one day, you just know it.

  41. Deuce Bigalow

    One word……FUCKTARD

  42. dude

    I catch myself wondering the weirdest things. do you think Angelina Jolie jokingly refers to the dried up wet spot on their sheets as “Pitt stains”?

  43. bugman

    The fact that those two haven’t been dragged out and shot in the street makes me despair for the future of our nation.

  44. dude

    @#39…Silky…hilarious. I checked out your blog…it’s brilliant.

  45. Barf City

    He is a product of Hollywood, giving photographers in Hollywood a job to take pictures of Hollywood washed up losers, because the people in Hollywood are so disillusioned with themselves that they think the rest of the world gives a shit.

  46. Evan

    seriously, has anyone else noticed that he’s wearing two watches?

  47. SpencerPrattlikesboys

    Gotta Love it

  48. actionfug

    OMFG I’M hysterical …..
    wouldn’t it be somethin’ if REALLY they’re both genius comedians ? ..
    they wrote a book about manipulatin’ the media ..gotta give ‘em credit ..
    when does it end …murder?

  49. Dr. John "Always at Your Cervix!"

    @ 3…Brad Pitt? Yeah, right. He looks like Brad Pitt’s ass crack.

    @ 5…I can’t stand this buffoon. But I don’t remember reading that The Superficial is a democracy.

    Hmmm…you don’t suppose he’s practicing for a coup, do ya? Maybe next time we get to see a series of him taking a dump. What a fucking tool!

    The one bright spot is thinking about the photographer and his crew laughing their asses off at this guy as they take his money.

  50. fug

    er, film crew ????!!!
    the film “crew” is spencer PRATT productions ..
    him filmin’ himself ..

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