Spencer Pratt comes out of the closet

In an interview with PopWrap, Spencer Pratt confirms what anybody who’s ever seen his douchebeard has already known: He’s not banging Heidi:

PW: So it sounds like we shouldn’t expect Speidi babies any time soon.
Spencer: I’m not even kidding, my wife — OK, I’m gonna get crass here — but we’re barely having sex because I’m scared that she’s gonna have a baby. That’s the level our marriage is on right now. I’m not even kidding — my wife has me debating cutting off my nuts.
PW: Do you think she’d trick you into having a baby by saying she was on birth control or something?
Spencer: She’s not the kind of person who would lie — she would just walk away and not answer the question. So yes, I’m very concerned. Our sex life has dramatically changed recently.

I highly doubt their sex life has “dramatically changed recently.” In fact, I’m pretty sure Spencer couldn’t pick his own wife’s vagina out of a line-up.

SPENCER: Uh, is it that one?
COP: Sir, that’s a half eaten donut.
SPENCER: Are you sure about that?
COP: It has sprinkles.
SPENCER: Riiight.