Sofia Vergara’s Ex-Fiance Wants Her Fertilized Eggs, Dammit

Sofia Vergara’s ex-fiance Nick Loeb is a violent douchebag who used to constantly shill Onion Crunch everywhere they went. However, he’s also filthy fucking rich which naturally afforded him access to Sofia Vergara’s breasts and her eggs which he’s now suing her for because he wants to grow an army of big-titted Sofia clones that he can’t have sex with because they’d literally be his own daughters? Your guess is as good as mine. TMZ reports:

Sofia Vergara’s ex-fiance is suing her to prevent the actress from destroying the fertilized eggs they created when they were a couple because he still wants to have her baby.
It’s a bizarre lawsuit. Nick Loeb claims he and Sofia made a contract back in November 2013 where they agreed to attempt to have children by means of in vitro fertilization. Her eggs were fertilized by his sperm and then frozen and kept at a Beverly Hills facility.
Nick claims Sofia now wants to destroy the eggs because they broke up, but he says he has the right to go forward because both parties have not agreed in writing to destroy the eggs.

Jesus fucking Christ. It’s called adoption, asshole. Adopt a kid. Or have sex with another woman and let them poop out a baby. You’re stupid rich, and your sperm clearly works, so it shouldn’t be that hard. You can have one growing by the end of the week. — And now you’re kicking and screaming that “it isn’t the same,” and you want “YOUR eggs,” so I’m going to walk away now before you cry so hard you puke. Can someone find this kid’s mom? I got shit to do.

(Yes, this was necessary.)

Photos: Getty