After committing what only be described as “a brutal, ritualistic rape and murder of the human eye” with those Lindsay™ pics, here’s the considerably more palatable Sofia Vergara, also in Venice Beach today, filming a Pepsi commercial. How the preternatural hotness of her breasts didn’t cancel out Lindsay™’s face will forever plague the scientific community. On that note, would it be racist if I said I just ejaculated salsa? What if it’s true? And stings like the chupacabra? Aye, papi!