Wow, Sofia Vergara Was A Hot Teenager. Oh, Hey, Chris Hanson, Sup?

September 19th, 2012 // 48 Comments
Sofia Vergara Bikini Pepsi Commercial
WATCH: Sofia Vergara's First Commercial

Here’s Sofia Vergara‘s very first commercial from 1990 when the Latin American division of Pepsi-Cola apparently had more “European” sensibilities about making 17-year-old girls strip down to a bikini to sell sugar water. Also, I’m pretty sure this is the only soda commercial I’ve seen that employs the use of camel-toe (In my mind, I’ve already credited Don Draper for this, but mostly just thought about his penis.), so clearly it belongs in a museum which is why I’m taking it before the Feds get here. *puts on fedora, cracks whip, tells small Asian Boy to start the car* Luke! We’re gonna have compan- aw, fuck, wrong movie.

superficial

  1. Let’s revisit some old Pepsi slogans, and see which ones are now unintentionally hilarious:

    1939–1950: “Twice as Much for a Nickel”
    1950: “More Bounce to the Ounce”
    1961-1963: “Now It’s Pepsi for Those Who Think Young”
    1963–1967: “Come Alive, You’re in the Pepsi Generation”
    1967–1969: “(Taste that beats the others cold) Pepsi Pours It On”
    1980–1981: “Catch That Pepsi Spirit”
    1981–1983: “Pepsi’s Got Your Taste For Life”
    1983: “It’s Cheaper Than Coke!”
    1984–1991: “Pepsi. The Choice of a New Generation”
    1986–1987: “We’ve Got The Taste”
    1990–1991: “You got the right one Baby UH HUH”
    1991–1992: “Gotta Have It”/”Chill Out”
    1992–1993: “Be Young, Have Fun, Drink Pepsi”
    1994–1995: “Double Dutch Bus”
    1997–1998: “Generation Next”
    1999–2000: “For Those Who Think Young”/”The Joy of Pepsi-Cola”
    2003: “It’s the Cola”/”Dare for More”
    2006–2007: “Taste the One That’s Forever Young”
    2008–present: “Something for Everyone.”

    • Bianca

      Some of them sound like what a beat looking hooker (Pepsi) would say while standing next to a less beat looking hooker (Coke), begging for business, while getting progressively more desperate:

      “Heyyyy sexy, I’ve got ‘More Bounce to the Ounce’!”

      “Don’t be shy, I’ve got something for everyone, even you, baby.”

      “You gotta have it, I know you want it”

      “Oh, chill out”, babe, I’m just having fun with ya”.

      “How about you, you want some of this? I know you want to take a ride on this Double Dutch Bus! No? But I’m cheaper than coke!”

      (Crying) “I’LL GIVE YOU TWICE AS MUCH FOR A NICKEL!!!”

    • Remember TAB? What did they say about TAB?
      I know it sucked, but that can’t be the slogan.

  2. Anastasia Beaverhausen

    Who the hell drinks Pepsi, anyway?

  3. Inner Retard

    Remember the mid 90s. Didn’t speak a word of spanish but watched every show with her on Univision. God, I’m old.

  4. Deacon Jones

    I’ve masturbated to her yelling “oh oh oh!” as she runs across the sand. Creepy, yeah, i know.

    It’s amazing how much bigger her tits got.

    • Frankw

      Not amazing. For a few thousand dollars, her doc will hook you up too…

    • gryphon50

      don’t spoil the illusion. A lot of guys want to believe that these Hollywood starlets have one bra size at 17 or 18, then “naturally” get much bigger over the next several years.

  5. At the risk of sounding like some old perv, I should point out that it’s pretty much only the U.S. that fetishizes the age of 18 as the Rubicon between innocent childhood and okay-to-sexualize. Most of the rest of the world is pretty much OK with 17-year-olds modeling in bikinis. And then there’s our own child-beauty-pageant circuit which makes this whole thing seem positively quaint.

    Oh, by the way, the age of consent in Sofia Vergara’s native Colombia? 14.

    • Yeah, the whole “Nudity bad! Violence good!” things has always baffled me a bit about my neighbors to the South. *shrug*

      • Your reply reminds me of the fact that up until four years ago, the age of consent in Canada was 14, too. (They changed the law two months after Justin Bieber turned 14—coincidence??)

      • Yeah, there was some caveat to that age of consent legislation, if I recall. Something about a maximum difference in age? An amusing distinction is that the legal age of consent for anal sex is still 18. I would have loved to have sat in on that discussion in the House of Commons.

        Minister A: “I object!”
        Minister B: “Pfft… you would.”

      • Joaquin ingles

        I’m pretty sure the Colombian thing is with respect to the deed doers age as well. I’m heading down there in 11 days. I’ll let you guys know if I see a shitload of Humbert Humberts.

      • @TomFrank
        “Your reply reminds me of the fact that up until four years ago, the age of consent in Canada was 14, too.”

        For real?! Wow, I would have thought Spike getting pregnant on Degrassi would have made the law change twenty years ago.

    • Pat C.

      Wasn’t Samantha Fox 16 (and known to be 16) when she was The Sun’s topless Page 3 girl?

      (No, officer, I just heard that – I would never look at such a thing myself)

    • Deacon Jones

      14????

      Fuck this, Im moving there an becoming a high school teacher!

      • You gonna drive your own windowless white van down there, or just buy one when you get there? :)

      • Deacon Jones

        Im going to buy an old ice cream truck and fix it up.

        That way I’ll be able to store bodies longer without people noticing the smell.

    • El Jefe

      Logging onto Travelocity.com right now….

  6. Bobin

    “Wow, Sofia Vergara Was A Hot Teenager”.
    No shit.

    BTW I wish hiking your bikini bottom up to your belly button would come back. It tends to make most asses look nice.

  7. Sandoucheky

    I agree, this new Indiana Jones blu-ray set is fucking awesome. Haven’t seen Temple of Doom since I was a kid

  8. Jack Ketch

    I’m just glad she turned her back on C0$, AND the smarmy, lift-wearing midget.

  9. fapping

    I have the most normal boner.

  10. [img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/19/coke-332_425.jpg[/img]

    Was hot. IS HOT. Still be hot in her 50s.

  11. Miranda Veracruz De La Hoya Cardenal

    Notice that she’s not as plastic as today’s teenagers…

    She’s always been pretty. I don’t hate!

  12. anonym

    definitely hot.

    now, that loud mouth ruins it all

  13. Miranda Veracruz De La Hoya Cardenal

    What was her secret? Calisthenics? Was she an athlete?

  14. See Alice

    Today she is totally obnoxious with that forced cartoon like accent . Nothing but a modern day Charo and not very good at it . It’s like watching Spanish TV ……turn the volume off.

    • Ripley's Believe It Or Not.

      She’s nice to look at, but I don’t envy the guy who gets stuck with her long term. A classic example of, for every beautiful woman there’s always some guy sick of her shit.

  15. cc

    Personally, I like the cola I get at Stewart’s Shops. No Sofia there though, sadly.

  16. El Jefe

    Goddamn she was smoking back then, still is.

  17. Happy_Evil_Dude

    Yeah, let’s make a big deal about her being in a bikini at 17. It’s not like Britney Spears was marketed as a sex symbol at 16. Or Mandy Moore at 15. Or like the Olsen Twins had a freakin’ online countdown clock for when they were to turn 18.

  18. Bob

    So…. Did she get implants at some point, or did she just have a really great latter adolescence?

  19. Rapsutin's Evil Twin

    We remember this ad running in the US – always wondered who she was. Thanks, Fish, for showing this again.

    Now, could someone tell Grigori and me what they’re selling? We have no damned idea. It’s like the Cheryl Teigs ads, or the ones Sela Ward did. Great ads, but what was the product, besides boners?

  20. edg

    The most stupid commercial ever more than Keanu’s Coca Cola tv ad

  21. lily

    she looks awesome!

  22. JJ

    One again, the idiotic media making a HUGE deal about a 17 yo. in a bikini. Young teen girls have been wearing bikinis at the beach since I was a kid. From looking at her, no one would know whether she was 17 or 18. You think something magical changes the day a person turns 18? That one day a girl puts down her Barbies and puts on crotchless panties?

  23. Kina

    The boobs hahaha there goes that phony story about how they were always so big, she told her mom she wanted a reduction and her mother refused. Publicists come up with the best stories.

  24. SumDumGuy

    but why the chimpanzee sound effects? it was that much easier than using her real voice? LOL

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