So This Katy Perry Dating John Mayer Thing Might Be Happening

August 2nd, 2012 // 66 Comments
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Posted by Photo Boy

Despite reports that Katy Perry had opted to sparkledust her uterus instead of tending to the IVs and various machines keeping John Mayer clinging to life, it seems she actually chose the latter. Maybe Reese Witherspoon carved ‘whore’ into Katy’s car door with her chin, or maybe Mila Kunis‘s decision to let the public know that Ashton Kutcher is anywhere near her vagina made Katy nostalgic for her own short-lived marriage to the Douchebag King. Who knows? What I do know is it can’t be for the money, Katy and Mila both have plenty, and personality goes out the window as soon as Ashton or John speaks, tweets, facebooks, acts, sings or asks if this scarf comes in paisley, which leaves one awful conclusion. *looks down boxers* Goddamnit.

Photo: Pacific Coast News, Splash News


  1. Matey Perry

    Well she does have a thing for talentless douchebags…

    • dontkillthemessenger

      I was thinking long haired, unshowered sex addicts. That even covers the black guy she dated.

    • Well I believe that the talentless part has to do with her being attracted to herself, so maybe that’s why she dates these type of dudes.

    • EricLr

      I bet her mom wishes she could meet a nice boy one day who uses deodorant.

      • Kono Kalakaua

        And doesn’t take the Lord’s name in vain , or use foul language , or uses drugs and alcohol. This will severely limit her dating pool in LA

      • Fran

        Oh come on, Eric. You only think Ashley Greene’s awesome bcuaese she does extremely revealing photo shoots. And I don’t blame you. But Katy is in a world of her own! Don’t compare apples with oranges!

  2. Govt. Cheese

    If there was an award for sucking on below average cock, this chick would take the prize!

  3. So let me see if I understand this. John Mayer is a first-class douchebag who’s treated every woman he’s been with like shit—Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Aniston, Taylor Swift—usually publicly dumping all over them after the breakup; he’s a racist shithead; and for the last couple years he’s taken to dressing up like Snoopy’s hobo brother, Spike. Yet he continues to attract a river of quality poon to swim through.

    Can someone explain women to me?

    • Cock Dr

      I think at this point the landing Mayer-Douche is a challenge that some women just can’t resist. Kind of like catching the fish that some many other famous anglers just can’t hook….a creature of myth and mystery.
      If Perry finally did manage to haul him up on the riverbank she’ll see she’s caught the equivalent of an ulcerated eel. Yes, it did put up a helluva fight….but who wants it?

      • USDA Prime McBeef

        Let me translate all that into dude speak for you, TF.

        The dude plays guitar and sings pussy songs, providing the illusion that he’s not gonna treat you the same way your shitty boyfriend does.

      • Basement Jack

        He also perfected the art of Oral. JA couldn’t get enough of it.
        You can look like a dorque and bag a Hollywood babe if you:
        1. Pick a needy chick with daddy issues (most of them are)
        2. Validate validate validate (it’s exhausting but part of the deal)
        3 Perfect your oral. Keeps them coming back for more. But don’t give it to them every time.
        4. Act douchey–keeps them coming back to try to get you to repeat steps 2-3

        This is Amateur Nite people.

      • kimmykimkim

        Beef, only dumb shit bitches with no talent of their own fall for the guitar playing dude that writes pussy-ass music trick. So, yes, that does explain it.

        TomFrank, depending on your idea quality pussy, Katy Perry ain’t quality anything. Bitch can’t even sing and calls herself a singer. I mean, she married Russel Brand!

      • Yeah, she can’t sing and has rotten taste in men, but I don’t think those have anything to do with the quality of pussy. (Take you, for example. You prefer McBeef, yet I still lust after you.)

        Also, I left Minka Kelly—pre-Jeter Minka Kelly, mind you—off that list, only because she seems to be the one celebrity bop that he didn’t shit all over afterwards. So: Heartbreakers-era Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson (when she still had her Daisy Duke figure, mind you), Jennifer Aniston, pre-Jeter Minka, Taylor Swift, and now Boobs McAutotune. And keep in mind: this is only just the poon we know of.

      • kimmykimkim

        Haha! TomFrank! I don’t know I can’t explain it. I wouldn’t give John Meyer the time of day. These girls must be dating him for publicity. Not even a giant penis could make up for this guy’s douchery.

      • Jack Ketch

        It’s never easy being a size queen, lol!!

      • USDA Prime McBeef

        It’s the white coat and stethoscope, Tommy. or is it the speculum?

      • CranAppleSnapple

        “And keep in mind: this is only just the poon we know of.”

        He always makes sure we hear about it. That must be all of them.

    • Basement Jack

      Here’s your explanation:
      JLH: Carries 3 engagement rings in her purse. If that doesn’t spell issues…
      JS: Daddy issues. (Controlling God Squad father)
      JA: Her dad plays Victor K.on Days. He was a hard ass dad narcissistic. Daddy issues galore with this chick. Brad supposedly left her bc she is beyond needy.
      KP: She married Russel Brand–who in their right mind would marry him? She has to have big time issues.
      This Dorque is just working the system. Become famous and you to can land one of these Needy Hollywood Chicks. I bet it’s a lot more work than you think.

    • John Mayer

      I like to pick up girls on the rebound from a disappointing relationship. They’re much more in need of solace and they’re fairly open to suggestion. And, I use that to fuck them some place very uncomfortable.

    • Because the chick that “saves” him will be queen of all women. Women love to tame the untamable guy. It is a fantasy beyond sex.

  4. Boue

    Gotta admire (not really) the list of holes he has done spelunking in

    Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jessica Simpson, Minka Kelly, Jennifer Aniston, and Taylor Swift and more…

    His schtick must be on point!…some variation of tortured soul…perhaps?

    • That Fucking Spell Check

      en pointe?

      • Albina

        picture number two when you posed at the end of the run way drove me crazy. i was like oh my God she did it again. every day i try doing what you did and i’ll just smile and say i’ll meet her one day.

      • Lorena

        wow i just watched the vtiroica\’s secret fashion show (yeah that\’s too late ). i\’m so glad that i watched that show and that\’s fabulous with the sparkles everywhere and there\’s you on the show rock that stage!!!love you

  5. Bonky

    Look at her, holding her head up high, so proud to have John Mayer at her side.

  6. He must be packing in the meat department cause I don’t understand why else these foolish girls would fall for this jerk.

  7. Let’s see… 7 Grammys, amazing musical talent (despite total douche personality), millions of dollars, is a challenge (no idea why women like this), obviously has strong game, and reportedly hung like a horse… Yeah… What could they like about that… Women hate that stuff…

  8. EricLr

    The picture reminds me of one of those crazed Vietnam vet movies from the 80′s, where the messed up vet kidnaps a pretty girl after a mixup with the law, and over the course of the movie she realizes that he’s a actually a pretty good guy who’s just suffering from PTSD and discrimination.

    Only in this case, instead of a vet, it’s just a douchebag wearing a surplus jacket he bought in some hipster secondhand clothing store.

  9. Dan Quayle

    Who enters whom in this relationship?

  10. Whoopi

    Wait till she’s over 30 years old. Dating Douch-bag phase will disappear, look at Katie Holme’s situation.


    … I could be wrong.

  11. El Jefe

    Seriously, John Mayer? And then to allow yourself to be photographed with him? That is a rookie move.

    What next, sex in broad daylight in a car in an empty parking lot?

  12. Jennifer Lawrence, Jennifer Aniston, Jessica Simpson, Jennifer Love Hewitt now Katy Perry… something tells me John Mayer is really into boobs or really into Jennifers.

    • Backlash Forward

      He must like boobs and obviously moving in alphabetical order from J to K. Kat Dennings better watch out!

  13. RacistPete

    On the plus side, at least we can now say that Katy Perry does anal.

  14. John Mayer Katy Perry Dating Leaving Chateau Marmont Together
    Commented on this photo:

    Douchebaggery aside, John Mayer is a very talented musician. Go ahead and fuck all the world class poon you can while it’s still available to you. YOLO.

  15. John Mayer Katy Perry Dating Leaving Chateau Marmont Together
    Commented on this photo:

    Katy Perry is average at best, if it weren’t for the tits, nobody would have given her a second look.

  16. Urvag

    Wow. Some girls would just about anything for an STD these days…

  17. John Mayer Katy Perry Dating Leaving Chateau Marmont Together
    Commented on this photo:

    I swear he must have a magic penis like James Bond or something.

  18. catapostrophe

    So Katy Perry is officially a closeted lesbian, then–right?

    • Lhans

      Watched a recorded telceast of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show last night. There’s this unwritten rule in the fashion world that the attitude of a model is what signifies her/his success in the fashion industry. You signify this character the most. Cannot imagine how gracefully you took over the responsibility of the Victoria’s Secret angel. Akon’s singing and your entry onto the ramp, a stellar event!

  19. Cressida

    Who in Ho’Wood HASN’T he banged? Day-umn.

  20. John Mayer Katy Perry Dating Leaving Chateau Marmont Together
    May Johner
    Commented on this photo:

    I wish I was a rich douchebag, instead of just a douchebag.

  21. John Mayer Katy Perry Dating Leaving Chateau Marmont Together
    Commented on this photo:

    they look like brother and sister

  22. He was just spotted in Ojai the other day, too. Maybe a John, Katy, Rob, Reese four-way? Stay tuned! Film at 11!

  23. Cressida

    John still has to work through Kate Gosselin, Octo-Mom, and Star Jones.

  24. They say that “Your Body is a Wonderland” is about when John dated Jennifer Love Hewitt. I am really looking forward to hearing “Your Face Without Makeup is a Fun House Mirror.”.

  25. Gary Grant

    I bet he won her over singing chapters from 50 Shades of Grey. Seems like bored housewives love that stuff.

  26. John Mayer Katy Perry Dating Leaving Chateau Marmont Together
    Commented on this photo:

    “Land Rover Encino”. What John, Land Rover – Santa Monica’s not good enough for you? What a pompous ass!

  27. anonym

    I guess she really does like long haired sleazebags.

    I need to grow my hair out

  28. John Mayer Katy Perry Dating Leaving Chateau Marmont Together
    Commented on this photo:

    She has a type, that’s for sure. If Russell Brand shaved he’d look just like…John Mayer.

  29. John Mayer Katy Perry Dating Leaving Chateau Marmont Together
    Commented on this photo:

    Nothing like the scent of burritos and pachouli.

  30. John Mayer Katy Perry Dating Leaving Chateau Marmont Together
    Commented on this photo:

    OMG, Girl you can do so much better he is such a Loser!!!

  31. John Mayer Katy Perry Dating Leaving Chateau Marmont Together
    Commented on this photo:

    She obviously has never visited this website.

  32. Jyoti

    Fierce in Game OnStunning in Heavenly BodiesAnd Playful in Pink Planet.You have it all. You deserve to be a VS Angel. And congtars on getting your first TWO sets of wings this year ! Cannot wait to see the show! Nov 30 = excitementTxo

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