So That ‘Guardians of The Galaxy’ Review

If you’ve been following the site for the past year, then you probably know I’ve been going nerdshit over Guardians of The Galaxy and all the raccoons with a machine gun within. (It even adjusts its little crotch!) So imagine how awesome it must’ve been for me to finally sit down in a theater only get to sick as all hell not even 10 minutes in, and then again 30 minutes after that, before spending the rest of the movie living in fear of shitting my pants and not just from the gun-toting woodland creature who apparently also gets drunk and does adorable little asshole things and, goddammit, we should be allowed to marry them. Anyway, needless to say, I didn’t pay near enough attention to the movie – but did like what I got to see/actually remember – so I’ll be catching it again shortly to jam out a review now that I spent the whole weekend lying on the couch reading comment threads about women whose boyfriends won’t let them fart. It’s good medicine. On a brighter note, we’re still on schedule for a normal week of celebrity tits and dick jokes starting with naked Christina Aguilera who should be hovering right above this post, so I don’t know what the hell you’re even doing down here. Do you like to read about my poop? Is that how you get your jollies, you sick bastard? WHO SENT YOU?!

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