So Kim Kardashian is a ‘Musician’ Now

January 3rd, 2011 // 78 Comments

2011 isn’t three days old yet, but that hasn’t stopped Kim Kardashian and her people from launching a media blitzkrieg to convince you she’s suddenly a pop star. Because between diet pill promotions, reality show tapings and cellulite shock treatments, she somehow found the time to become a musician and record a new single which she debuted in Vegas on New Year’s Eve (after the jump). And by debut I mean made a DJ play an auto-tuned copy over the house speakers because Kim never strays from the Paris Playbook, and the Paris Playbook explicitly says, “No touring or live performances lest the poor deduce you’re some cunt with a sex tape who thinks she can sing now.” (Its words, not mine.)

That said, I love how this thing is so unoriginal it doesn’t even have a name yet. I’ll be amazed if they focus-group it and the title doesn’t come back, “Vanilla.” Not that it matters considering anyone who thinks her reality show is a true story already pre-ordered enough copies to knit a quilt out of which is exactly why I was against letting the retarded have debit cards. “But they need to do things on their own,” everyone said. Well, those “things” should stop at bagging my groceries, not funding an Armenian cabal hell-bent on birthing their own NBA team. Those mongoloids deserve better than that, the poor, dim-witted bastards. They can only have sex by hiring hookers, you know? Sure, it sounds fun and glamorous and why I talked with a stutter all last year, but that shit still costs money. Kim.

Photos: WireImage, WENN

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  1. rufus

    She needs to fucking stop with the botox and all the other shit she does. She looks so fucking plastic. I’ve seen pictures of this bitch with no make up on and she looks 1000 times better. The way she kisses the camera with her peace signs up in the air makes me want to puke my guts out. Now she’s singing. Good God.

  2. Kim Kardashian
    kayk
    Commented on this photo:

    Is she waiting for that mic to cum in her face?

  3. kk

    kim whoredashian just needs to stop already. no one likes her except her little tween fans, and everyone with an actual brian knows that she is nothing but a talentless wh*re who sells her soul to the devil and gets pimped by her mother.

  4. Kim Kardashian
    Nicole
    Commented on this photo:

    Can we acknowledge her INSANE CHEEK IMPLANTS?!?!?!?!?!

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