Seen here spraying her Ewok juices all over our nation’s proud naval tradition, Snooki and JWoww apparently have a spin-off in the works that continues the successful Jersey Shore theme of, “Everyone on this show is fucking retarded and a horrible blight upon society.” Which now that I think about it, also applies to Teen Mom. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it, I guess. TMZ reports:
According to the documents, obtained by TMZ, one of the big scenes takes place inside of a Jersey bank, when Papa Snooki tries to teach the 23-year-old how to fill out a check book.
When Snooki … who’s reportedly banking $30k per ep … finally opens her first checking account — she asks the banker, “Do you have any blinged out checks?”
The rundown explains, “She gets a crash course in balancing her checkbook … but adding and subtracting from the ledger proves too much for her.”
Other Things That Prove Too Much For Snooki:
Dignity
Condoms
Operating a Motor Vehicle (Admittedly, this is more of a height issue.)
Ass Wiping
Sobriety
Food Preparation More Complex Than Opening a Jar of Pickles
Texting (Tiny hands.)
Not Having Skin Cancer
Pretty sure I hit all the bases up there but I’m sure you guys will come up with more, 80% of which will involve AIDS. Which is why I’ve always considered this something of an intellectual community. Like Mensa or some shit.
Photos: Getty
What a fat fuck!
First too!
frisssiitt
Can’t wait for this fat, orange, pickle eating bitch to die from skin cancer.
I’m pretty sure orange spray on dye doesn’ t cause skin cancer.
Thats right, according to her this bitch can’t afford a tanning bed no more because obama’s 10 percent tax on tanning.
The joke is on those who make people like this popular. Snooki is not as dumb as she looks… that woman is laughing all the way to the bank.
yep
That’s a false dichotomy. She can be both wealthy AND painfully stupid.
exactly, mcfeely
mood i’m in, id fuckin smash it. what can i say, slow day. horse needs his oats..
I think this chick stays fat because if she lost the weight she’d look like a 12 yr old playing in mommy’s clothes..
That “spraying Ewok juices” line opened up a real Pandora’s Box of mental images…
Nicely done, Mr. Fish.
You did forget “walking” but I think it is probably covered by “sobriety”, so forgetaboutit!
“Captain Ewok reporting for lunch buffet duty!”
Attach her to a drone and crash it into a mountainside near the Pakistan-Afghanistan border. Maybe it’ll hit Osama, and if not it’s still one of America’s enemies down.
Did anybody see mtv when i was 17. Snooki was on it and she actually looked normal. She was thin, wasn’t organge, and acually looked fuckable.
That was Ryan Seacrest.
OK, I’m going home. No one can top that.
For those who chug on cock…
FIRE!
We sah-looot youuuuuuuu
I can’t wait until duck face becomes unfashionable.
This is the most disrespectful thing done to our fighting men and women since Pearl Harbor.
…with the exception of our esteemed Commander in Chief calling Navy Corpsmen “corpse-men,” TWICE.
And fuck you in advance to those who want to make excuses. That was as sorry as it gets. Just because Jon Stewart didn’t make light of it doesn’t mean it’s not laughable.
And, I can post whatever I want, whether or not it has anything to do with the tubby troll in the picture above. If you don’t like it, tough shit.
I can say what I want. Are you talking about me?
I’ve had a rough couple of months. The only way I could possibly feel vindicated is if things just end really bad for this Snookie creature. Nothing short of her having to live on the streets for a year before being ran over by a bus is going to help my feelings. MTV needs to do the responsible thing and make this happen.
She looks hot to me. Bada bing.
I agree she’s dumb and all but i’m sorry who the FUCK keeps a cheque book? I don’t judge her for failing at it. There are computers that do these things for us nowadays.
How about skin AIDS from to much time in the sun and too much hot tub time and smooshing time with the fellas some one shoot this stupid cunt im drunk…….
For all the “hot tub time” this bitch still looks like she hasn’t bathed in weeks. That’s either a dirty face or five o’clock shadow. And I neverneverever wanna get close enough to find out which.
They’re really spinning them off into new entities… that’s just terrible. I mean it’s MTV so it’s not all that shocking that they would drive something into the ground until it’s twitching and begging for mercy until it dies.
Also, 23? Booze and asshatery haven’t aged her well either.
Skin cancer is hot.
She’s obviously not familiar with military dress code with respect to moustaches.
Why is anyone still pointing a camera at this sea hag when there are so many cattle prods laying around unused? Think of the children.
This is her face every time she mistakes a mirror for a fucking pork roast.
Good thing Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell was repealed, right guys?
herp derp
All hail General Admission!
Exactly how much is this website paid to keep posting boring bullshit articles about bullshit boring dipshits (that look like a cross between a pygmy and a duck)? I hope it’s alot. By the way, I am assuming it’s boring, I didn’t read it, I just saw the picture of the pygmy-duck and made the natural assumption. PS There are too many short dubiously famous people. I declare a new minimun height requirement for famous people……5′ 4″ for women …….5′ 10″ for men….without lifts or heels (do you hear me Tom Cruise?)
I would not fuck this chick with your dick and him pushing. I like to remain orange AIDS free.
You don’t amuse me anymore, you dirty pirate hooker. Go away now.
Wait….people still write checks and balance their books by hand?
No, what’s REALLY funny is all the hateful comments about this kid. If you spew this kind of vitriol over someone you’ve never met, you are a looser who needs to get a life.