Snooki Worries She’ll Be A Bad Mom, Calls Lamaze ‘Bullsh*t’

August 23rd, 2012 // 45 Comments
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In a new interview with In Touch, Snooki reveals she’s worried about being a bad mom even though she’s technically been one the minute she decided to carry a child to term inside her Stromboli box. She shouldn’t be worrying as much as preparing for how horribly she’s going to ruin this kid, is my point:

I’m nervous that I’m not going to be a good mom,” she admits to In Touch. “I just really hope I know what I’m doing!”
The reality star says being pregnant has been crazier than a night out at the Jersey Shore! “At the Shore you’re going to hook up, get into a fight or go to jail. You only have three options. But being pregnant you have no idea what’s going on!”

Even better, she thinks giving birth is just like on TV:

“Lamaze is bull****,” she says. “They teach you how to breathe. Are you really going to be worrying about how to breathe when you’re having a baby? No! You’re going to be screaming and throwing s***.”

Tell me I’m not the only one who thought she meant throwing the baby when she said throwing shit. That was literally the first thing that popped into my head followed by Snooki stealing a speeder bike and leading Imperial troops away from Han and Leia so they can blow up the deflector shield. Haha! Her feet can’t reach the pedals.

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Snooki Cleavage Pregnancy Doll JWoww
    Butt plugger
    Commented on this photo:

    Say what you want, but how can you not like the huge tits. That’s of course if you’re not a homo

  2. USDA Prime McBeef

    My understanding was that wildebeests just sorta drop the kid on the ground and within a few minutes, it’s up, and wandering around with a bottle of cheap vodka.

  3. Reality Check

    She doesn’t have to worry; she WILL be a bad mom.

  4. Snooki Cleavage Pregnancy Doll JWoww
    meeps!
    Commented on this photo:

    And the baby is named…

    Lamaze Bullshit Polizzi

  5. The Royal Penis

    With her body type she’s right, Lamaze is bullshit.

    She can shit out a baby with ease between her hollowed out vag and double sized uterus. It’s really just one big long tunnel with no choke point.

    Even the Alien Queen would have trouble keeping up with her if it wasn’t for 9 month human gestation.

  6. lol

    I keep thinking the impending martial law is a bad thing and then I see Snooki and think maybe you guys deserve it! :p

  7. stan

    Ooooh…already a mother while pregnant! Careful, Fish–there’re a lot of pro-choicers here who think an embryo is more like a tumor than an actual child.

    • Emma Watson's Vagina

      in this case Fish does not have to worry. as most people think the mother is more like a tumor than a human being.

      • stan

        +1 to you, miss. That was awesome! Touché.

        I wonder though, did my -6 come from pro-choicers who usually openly hold the exact position I described, or phony conservative sheeple who don’t understand satire?

  8. Get Serious

    Why does anyone listen to what this trashy gutter pig has to say? Back in roman times, if something as disgusting & squatty as her was captured, they’d either train her to be a whorehouse blowjob specialist to service the roman legion, or they’d kill her on the spot…

  9. Snooki Cleavage Pregnancy Doll JWoww
    GARPBOY
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d hit that over Jwoww any time and twice on Sundays.

  10. Snooki's Taint

    You know what also throws shit? Monkeys. Your honor, I rest my case.

  11. Just because she’s a horrible human being, doesn’t mean she’ll be a horrible mother. Oh wait, yes it does. Nevermind.

  12. elephantman

    Snookie a bad mother? No way she’s gonna be a horrible muther!

    Little pig!

  13. kimmykimkim

    Snooki is a steaming bag of cunts.

    That is all.

  14. Stefanie

    Snooki-monster states the obvious. I’m nervous about the way she’s carrying that baby. Even I wouldn’t hold a baby like that. Wtf? Learn to use common sense, please before the government comes to take your kid away. Roflmao.

  15. Schmidtler

    I hate to say it, but as far as ‘lamaze is bullshit’, I agree, and Snooki is right. 4 kids, and every goddamned time the wife made me go to the stupid waste of time classes with her, and every time, when we got to the hospital, all she did was scream and curse like a crazy banshee and demand an epidural.
    She’ll definitely be a horrible mother though. Might as well leave the baby in the forest to be raised by wolves. At least it might have a chance then.

    • The more you know...

      Heh – it sucks that you had to sit through those classes so many times.
      It’s possible that your wife’s level of pain was severe enough for Lamaze not to be helpful to her; that happens sometimes. Lamaze isn’t for everyone, but it can be very helpful.

      • some people are stupid

        Agreed. Yes you are in a hell of a lot of pain, but the breathing is about maintaining some semblance of calm and control in order to get through it, or long enough to get the epidural if you choose.

    • Sliver

      They wouldn’t allow me to scream when I was giving birth to my son, but then I was in a military hospital…so go figure.

  16. Ben

    Retarded people should not be allowed to breed.

  17. JCR

    I can’t believe I’m bothering to respond to this, of all things, but I’m with Schmidtler… lamaze really is bullshit. From Wikipedia: The Lamaze technique is not an evidence-based medical therapy. Its effectiveness benefit could be explained by a placebo effect, or simply by diverting the woman’s attention from the pain of labour to the breathing exercise.

    80s TV taught us it’s a regular part of the process, but it’s not. Quite useless actually.

    • Actually, it was ’70s TV that taught us that. And then Cosby made it funny all over again when he incorporated his act from Bill Cosby: Himself into his sitcom.. At least, it was funny until we got tired of his cutesy act. Looking back, we did put up with his show a helluva long time, didn’t we?

  18. Drsuess

    Chilean mountain goats w/three legs would parent better than this accident that didn’t slide down her birth mothers leg..

  19. Poop-head

    Sterilize that thing, for chrissakes.

  20. I can just see it now, JWoww and Snooki on their reality TV show, leading up to Snooki giving birth, then they start advertising PPV and web access and idiots will pay to see Snooki give birth to the Anti-Christ. Jwoww will be in the delivery room because we all know he’s the father of that child…

  21. Snooki won’t have a chance to be a bad parentt. New Jersey’s Department of Children and Families will take this kid within a week of its birth.

  22. From the unedited transcript of the interview: “At the Shore you’re going to hook up, get into a fight or go to jail. You only have three options. Except that one night when I did all three: got into a fight, went to jail, and hooked up behind bars with The Situation. Yeah, they thought he was a girl. Can’t blame ‘em for thinking that, really.”

  23. Snooki Cleavage Pregnancy Doll JWoww
    Commented on this photo:

    Poor child doesn’t stand a chance.

  24. Snooki Cleavage Pregnancy Doll JWoww
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s two-and-a-half Pregnancy Dolls tall.

  25. Snooki Cleavage Pregnancy Doll JWoww
    Commented on this photo:

    Yup.

    • At first I meant to comment on the lack of attention to baby-detail, but then I wondered if I shouldn’t go with the “even the baby doesn’t want to see her” and then I just shrugged and typed “yup”. In case you were wondering.

  26. Snooki Cleavage Pregnancy Doll JWoww
    Commented on this photo:

    She’s looking left, she’s looking right, she’s trying not to topple off her heels and kill the child, and all the while the bottle’s nipple is going in the baby’s nostril, down the side of its cheek, in its eye. Yes. This will go well.

  27. McClownerton

    I bet 5 bucks that the baby is born with two cold sores and a can of aqua net.

  28. Get Serious

    To quote Dean Wormer from “Animal House”: “Fat, drunk & stupid is no way to go through life”. Looks like it’s too late for snooki-warthog…

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