Put down the gun. It’s not what you think.
Snooki has reportedly been offered a $100,000 for a three-year spokesperson role with porn provider FleshDrive, according to adult news site YNOT (Link is NSFW):
According to a letter sent to her agent Sept. 23, FleshDrive wants Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, 22, to perform a non-sexual role as the “face” of the company.
“Our company image is that we pack a big punch in a little package,” Vice President of Sales Michael Gruosso wrote in the letter. “Who better to endorse our product than the woman who does exactly that? We know that Snooki makes a big impression wherever she goes, and that is why her tiny figure and incredible attitude will fit perfectly within the FleshDrive world. By merging Snooki with the FleshDrive, we know Snooki will make a great amount of money by doing very little.”
I love how they specify that Snooki will not be starring in any of the films nor will she performing any sex acts because that might be too offensive to the target audience. “Whoa, wait, put her in the movies? Are you kidding? This is a respectable business where people get their faces ejaculated on. Be reasonable.”
Thanks to Neil who’s going back to fast-forwarding R-rated movies out of principle.
Photos: Splash News
not first
no comment
Midget porn has always been popular.
Could you imagine having her be the fluffer? All porn would be lesbian, since none of the guys could keep it up with Snooki working them.
It wouldn’t be lesbian, it would be masterbation scenes. Snooki touching herself where no sober, unpaid 20/20 visioned person would.
brazzers rk net media owner icey mike imber supposedly offered her a job,but his reputation for letting girls work witout protection and the recent aids outbreak in the industry hopefully detered her.
“her tiny figure..” She’s a short, fat, sack of shit.
hahahahaha …
Someone send the owner of FleshDrive a Memo: ROUND is not a FIGURE …
BWAHAHAHAHA!! OMG that was so funny… and so true too!
Phew, thanks for the clarification. I read the title and horf-ed a little in my mouth. That, and I achieved a level of flaccidity I didn’t think was possible. It was an innie!
I just threw up in my mouth – I thought you said she WAS going to do porn. Phew!
Spokesperson? Yeeeea, if I owned a Porn site or studio the first person I would offer to be my spokesperson is a midget that inspires more men to kill themselves than to touch themselves. FlshDrive is run by Wile E Coyote, SUPER GENIUS …. ffs.
I wouldn’t make her the ass of the company, much less the face of it.
I’m not familiar with FleshDrive. But, in hiring her as the face of the company, I’d surmise it produces porn involving bestiality and midgets?
Thanks fish!
I just threw up in my mouth, WTF KIND OF TITLE IS THAT?
I read that and literally couldn’t eat anymore, because I eat lunch and dinner in front of the computer, watching and reading stuff online,
Even If I saw a Horse Having sex With an Asian 18 year old boy while a midget is putting a dildo inside courtney love’s @ss, I would not have been ans disgusted as I was with this title
Hey, wait – that movie sounds familiar…
HEY!!!
I’m not 18 years old … Or asian …
Ahahaha, you two crack me up.
I will be more than willing to pay to never see her naked. because that cannot be undone
I feel very sorry for Snooki’s dildo …
Damn, I got really excited until I saw she wasn’t doing any scenes herself. :(
Actually that boob in pic 1 almost gave me a chub. Almost
Agreed. When I read that she wasn’t going to appear, that’s when I picked up my gun.
Id fuck her for a goof if i wasnt afraid where shes been. But anyway didnt snookie already turn this down citing she was too “relevant” (sic)
On deck, the porn movie version of Jersey Shore. Could there possibly be a porn actress ugly enough to play the bronzed mini-plumper?
I might think she’s a an annoying tramp, but I would watch her get fucked stupid(er). Then again I would also watch Octomom getting railed.
Well played, Fleshdrive. They just got way more than $100,000 worth of free publicity by making a cynical offer backed with an earnest-sounding press release. I had never heard of the company before reading this.
Fortunately, I pirate all my porn efficiently with free tools and don’t need their services.
Yeah, the marketing is brilliant. Just make the offer to her and make sure the press knows about it, then the rest is all free publicity. Even if she says “no”, you still get free coverage for it.
Hell you could do this with ANY celebrity. The press isn’t going to pass up the celebrity+porn angle, and the celebrity in question can’t even sue for anything…it’s great!
I agree. I think the important part is to use believably sincere (but generic) praise for the shitbag that you’re using. It’s fantastic!
BEEP! This Superficial posting was only a test… if it had been for real, the world would have burst into flames…
Another half-serious offer to get free press? That offer certainly got them more publicity than they ever had. Case in point: had you ever heard of the company before?
i’d pee in her butt. seriously though – she should sell her face to jenny craig, just put that shit on the fridge and you won’t eat for a month.
Well, here’s the daily Superficial allowance of that mildly retarded attention whore. Unbelievable…
Who pays for porn anymore ??????
Porn ?
We are talking ‘Snuff’ I presume.
Snooki Snuff. Has a ring to it. I would buy it as long as she was fully clothed.
Course, most guys would bang’er. Notice I didn’t say chase, which makes a woman feel wanted. But you cant have everything in life Snooks….
just naked, no porn………………..WHY NOT?
PLEASE CALL “Hustler”?
………………………………………………………PLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEASE?
I was actually curious as to who the fuck is fleshdrive, so I googled them http://www.fleshdrive.com/. They actually put porn films on 4 gig usb drives stating about 20+ films on 1 drive. U would have to be really fucken stupid to buy this crap . HD porn or let alone1 dvd disc would be more than 4 gig in size. If u enjoy spanking the monkey to vhs quality porn then go ahead. That myth that “one goes blind if u masturbate then would be true!” LOL Hence, I guess the desperate need for Snooki PR Machine.
this bitch is gross. Why is she orange?
That averages out to be $33k + a year..She should get a job as a receptionist if she doesn’t want any skeltons in her closet later in life..then again these twads are all for living in the moment..chances are she won’t be running for President..I say do it Snookie, what do you have to loose?
Hey, who’se the little fat kid?
I they could just get her tan a little more orange she could be the queen of oompa loompa porn. Then it would be difficult getting the little guys back to work making chocolate when they are spending the whole day polishing the candy canes.
So being a cumbucket can actually make you money that’s not quarters?
Who knew?
Bukkake? Or 100 guy midget gangbang?
I wanna play with Snooki’s fun bags
I can see her doing well as the first “stand-up fluffer”
PPPPPPPPPPPPPPLEASE!!!!!!!!! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD AND PORN!!!!!! DON’T PUT HER! IN FRONT OF A DVD COVER!! because I won’t be buying any porn then!
Snooki porn? I am all in.
she is so ugly and nasty looking im not surprised another whore for porn
one more thing that my penis that you can not imagine.
Very good websites where I can start a blog for free?
hey snooki my name is Ronnie Sizemore Jr i’m in WV i and 21 year old and snooki i like u