And Here’s The Snooki’s Pregnant Cover

March 7th, 2012 // 52 Comments

Like clockwork here’s the Us Weekly cover confirming Snooki‘s pregnancy and engagement even though she basically already did that by walking around with a giant rock on her finger Monday night. At any rate, here’s how Snooki plans to shat out her fur-baby and spend its first moments of life. Via Hollywood Life:

As for the delivery itself, Snooki says she wants house music to be playing — courtesy of DJ Pauly D, of course — and that she plans to have a glass of wine immediately following the birth.

And for those of you about to say, “I guess she won’t be breast-feeding,” clearly you know nothing of this creature because it’ll drink and breast-feed at the same time. “What? It’s the baby’s body. It can do what it wants. Let’s go get shots, baby. Screw all these hate- Ohmygod, did you just pee yourself? I do that all the time! Yay!”

Photos: Us Weekly, Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News

superficial

  1. Jesusfuckingchrist…

  2. Snooki Pregnant Us Weekly Cover
    pretty dead
    Commented on this photo:

    lindsay lohan destroyed by plastic surgery?
    did she snort dr 90210?

  3. maeby

    who’s on the cover? That def aint Snookie.

  4. Gilmore Girl

    God help us all!

  5. rican

    It never occurred to me that you can actually photoshop an entire face.

  6. Hark! The herald angels sing…
    “Glory to the newborn piglet!”

  7. joho

    By the way, what happened to Snooki’s plan to get plastic surgery to turn her droopers into pointers?

    Was that set aside for this publicity hustle instead?

    Snooki think her breasts are drooping now, just wait until after the baby is born!

    • JC

      I imagine this:

      [In some Jersey City hospital....]

      Snooki: WHOO! Hey Doc, I want you to go ahead and do my boob job while the baby’s coming out.
      Doctor: Um, we really can’t do that, as it will endanger both you and the baby because….
      Snooki: WHOO! Jello shots!
      Nurse, wiping up urine from floor: You know, you could have asked for a goddamn bedpan.
      The Situation: Everyone knows I’m gay, right?

      And…scene.

  8. Ouch

    Vomit in my mouth

  9. O_o

    For the love of god,
    Falcon punch it now !!

  10. Ed G.

    Release the Kraken!

  11. Heather

    Um, it looks like she’s just cradling her fat belly.

    • mrsmass

      right. like we’re suppose to be able to tell the difference between her “bump” and her usual beer gut?

  12. Who is the daddy? This girl is a human piece of trash with no morals or upbringing. No amount of money or fame can change that and I feel sorry for her kid.

  13. YagiSka

    Maybe the Catholics want to reconsider that stance on abortion now?

  14. Richard McBeef

    I doubt anybody is placing bets on FAS, but what’s the over under on that kid coming out orange?

  15. Snooki Pregnant Us Weekly Cover
    Jimm
    Commented on this photo:

    Snooki the little whore is going to have a elf!
    ha,ha cant drink anymore but you can still whore around, after all there’s a elf in you!!!

  16. Sliver

    Snooki’s engorgement…er engagement…that’s what you were trying to say. Ok, I got it.

  17. cc

    The baby will come out pickled like a pig’s fetus in a high school biology lab.

  18. Snooki Pregnant Us Weekly Cover
    spartacus
    Commented on this photo:

    This little shaved ewok is marrying a guy with so much fake tan he looks like he’s made from pooh. I’m lost.

  19. Snooki Leopard Print Animal Print JWoww
    spartacus
    Commented on this photo:

    Poor Jwoww, it’s never going to be about her is it…

  20. Umpossbull

    How is she going to give birth with all that dick in her ass

  21. Snooki Pregnant Us Weekly Cover
    hillbillygirl45
    Commented on this photo:

    Wonder if an orange garden gnome can give birth to a troll doll? Or is SHE the troll? I get confused…..WTF ever, she just needs to go away!

  22. Snooki Pregnant Us Weekly Cover
    Lissa
    Commented on this photo:

    Can you really grab your fat and say that you’re pregnant? Is that a story?

  23. steve canyon

    here we go again: D E L E T E!!

  24. that unborn baby on The Walking Dead has a better chance

  25. Snooki Pregnant Us Weekly Cover
    Commented on this photo:

    I swear to god…if I have to suffer seeing a “Snookie, nude and pregnant” photo, it’s all gonna burn. I’ll burn it all.

  26. Snooki Pregnant Us Weekly Cover
    Tennessee Ernie Chrysler
    Commented on this photo:

    Yuck. Does this mean someone actually stuck their dick in Snookie? That’s not really possible, is it?

  27. Do_Freebird

    Fish, I can’t comment on the Snooki Pics because when I think of her pregnant, I get nauseous. I do want to give out some props to Us Magazine though, I know it’s easy to find bad photos LiLo, but how the hell did they manage to find one where she looks like a bloated Nancy Grace?

  28. I can see it now. They’ll put the baby under the warming lamps, and Snooki will shout out – “The timer didn’t go off yet. let him bake another 15 minutes!!!! “

  29. Later

    Snooki pregnant also anorexic, great reporting US Weekly.

  30. Could it get any thicker

    Would it be possible to have Child Protection Services on standby outside the delivery room? That way, they wouldn’t have to mess around with going to the home, interviewing the parents, etc. They could just wait for the baby to be cleaned up (and wiped of any residue orange), and get the baby the h*ll out of dodge…

  31. Problem?

    Of course the little pig had to go and get pregnant. She probably knew her 15 minutes was coming close to ending soon, and since people like her are always fertile as fuck, why not get pregnant? Who the fuck cares how it affects the kid as long as she can just drag that fame out a little longer?

  32. dontkillthemessenger

    Nothing better for a baby than breast milk with with a Pinot chaser.

  33. This imbecile has no idea what delivering a baby is all about. Better keep that wine corked up in the paper bag you brought it in. It’s going to be a long day.

  34. Wait, WHAT IS LINDSAY LOHAN DESTROYED BY?

    • Someone tricked her into saying her name backwards, sending her back to the 5th dimension.

      (Seriously, though, the answer you’re looking for is “Plastic Surgery.”)

  35. Snooki Pregnant Us Weekly Cover
    Commented on this photo:

    i hope US weekly didn’t pay too much for these “pregnant” photos of snooki’s booze belly. unless she is giving birth to a pitcher of margaritas…

  36. Whatever

    OH MY GOD! What’s WRONG with your FAAAAAAAAACE?!?

  37. Flieber

    The only possible positive of this story is that we may hopefully be rid of this orange ewok soon. Nobody will want to watch homebody mommy Snooki and her orange boyfriend – she’s only entertaining when she’s getting plastered and pissing herself.

    …what am I saying, that sounds like the Snooki post-partum show; brought to you by MTV (a channel that used to have something to do with music).

  38. Wat.

    She drank within the first month? Good luck with a fetal alcohol syndrome baby!

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