Like clockwork here’s the Us Weekly cover confirming Snooki‘s pregnancy and engagement even though she basically already did that by walking around with a giant rock on her finger Monday night. At any rate, here’s how Snooki plans to shat out her fur-baby and spend its first moments of life. Via Hollywood Life:
As for the delivery itself, Snooki says she wants house music to be playing — courtesy of DJ Pauly D, of course — and that she plans to have a glass of wine immediately following the birth.
And for those of you about to say, “I guess she won’t be breast-feeding,” clearly you know nothing of this creature because it’ll drink and breast-feed at the same time. “What? It’s the baby’s body. It can do what it wants. Let’s go get shots, baby. Screw all these hate- Ohmygod, did you just pee yourself? I do that all the time! Yay!”
Photos: Us Weekly, Bauer-Griffin, INFdaily, Pacific Coast News, Splash News
Jesusfuckingchrist…
actually the son or daughter of satan has just been born to this foul, dirty, prostitue biitch..
lindsay lohan destroyed by plastic surgery?
did she snort dr 90210?
who’s on the cover? That def aint Snookie.
I was going to say that airbrushing works miracles but, even that has its limitations
God help us all!
It never occurred to me that you can actually photoshop an entire face.
Hark! The herald angels sing…
“Glory to the newborn piglet!”
By the way, what happened to Snooki’s plan to get plastic surgery to turn her droopers into pointers?
Was that set aside for this publicity hustle instead?
Snooki think her breasts are drooping now, just wait until after the baby is born!
I imagine this:
[In some Jersey City hospital....]
Snooki: WHOO! Hey Doc, I want you to go ahead and do my boob job while the baby’s coming out.
Doctor: Um, we really can’t do that, as it will endanger both you and the baby because….
Snooki: WHOO! Jello shots!
Nurse, wiping up urine from floor: You know, you could have asked for a goddamn bedpan.
The Situation: Everyone knows I’m gay, right?
And…scene.
LOL!!!
Vomit in my mouth
For the love of god,
Falcon punch it now !!
Release the Kraken!
Um, it looks like she’s just cradling her fat belly.
right. like we’re suppose to be able to tell the difference between her “bump” and her usual beer gut?
Who is the daddy? This girl is a human piece of trash with no morals or upbringing. No amount of money or fame can change that and I feel sorry for her kid.
Sad thing is this piece of shit is a role model to the next generation.
I don’t think she knows who.
Maybe the Catholics want to reconsider that stance on abortion now?
I think for Snooki, the Pope might just volunteer to perform the abortion personally.
Only because he hasn’t fingered a fetus before.
I doubt anybody is placing bets on FAS, but what’s the over under on that kid coming out orange?
Snooki the little whore is going to have a elf!
ha,ha cant drink anymore but you can still whore around, after all there’s a elf in you!!!
Snooki’s engorgement…er engagement…that’s what you were trying to say. Ok, I got it.
The baby will come out pickled like a pig’s fetus in a high school biology lab.
That was a weird image.
This little shaved ewok is marrying a guy with so much fake tan he looks like he’s made from pooh. I’m lost.
Poor Jwoww, it’s never going to be about her is it…
How is she going to give birth with all that dick in her ass
Don’t worry, the baby will come out a different hole.
Wonder if an orange garden gnome can give birth to a troll doll? Or is SHE the troll? I get confused…..WTF ever, she just needs to go away!
Can you really grab your fat and say that you’re pregnant? Is that a story?
here we go again: D E L E T E!!
that unborn baby on The Walking Dead has a better chance
I swear to god…if I have to suffer seeing a “Snookie, nude and pregnant” photo, it’s all gonna burn. I’ll burn it all.
And no one could blame you…
Yuck. Does this mean someone actually stuck their dick in Snookie? That’s not really possible, is it?
Fish, I can’t comment on the Snooki Pics because when I think of her pregnant, I get nauseous. I do want to give out some props to Us Magazine though, I know it’s easy to find bad photos LiLo, but how the hell did they manage to find one where she looks like a bloated Nancy Grace?
I can see it now. They’ll put the baby under the warming lamps, and Snooki will shout out – “The timer didn’t go off yet. let him bake another 15 minutes!!!! “
Snooki pregnant also anorexic, great reporting US Weekly.
Would it be possible to have Child Protection Services on standby outside the delivery room? That way, they wouldn’t have to mess around with going to the home, interviewing the parents, etc. They could just wait for the baby to be cleaned up (and wiped of any residue orange), and get the baby the h*ll out of dodge…
Of course the little pig had to go and get pregnant. She probably knew her 15 minutes was coming close to ending soon, and since people like her are always fertile as fuck, why not get pregnant? Who the fuck cares how it affects the kid as long as she can just drag that fame out a little longer?
They always save the pregnancy until they are sure they have nothing else to hang on to.
Nothing better for a baby than breast milk with with a Pinot chaser.
This imbecile has no idea what delivering a baby is all about. Better keep that wine corked up in the paper bag you brought it in. It’s going to be a long day.
Wait, WHAT IS LINDSAY LOHAN DESTROYED BY?
Someone tricked her into saying her name backwards, sending her back to the 5th dimension.
(Seriously, though, the answer you’re looking for is “Plastic Surgery.”)
i hope US weekly didn’t pay too much for these “pregnant” photos of snooki’s booze belly. unless she is giving birth to a pitcher of margaritas…
OH MY GOD! What’s WRONG with your FAAAAAAAAACE?!?
The only possible positive of this story is that we may hopefully be rid of this orange ewok soon. Nobody will want to watch homebody mommy Snooki and her orange boyfriend – she’s only entertaining when she’s getting plastered and pissing herself.
…what am I saying, that sounds like the Snooki post-partum show; brought to you by MTV (a channel that used to have something to do with music).
She drank within the first month? Good luck with a fetal alcohol syndrome baby!