Snooki: My Husband Wouldn’t Need A ‘Lame Ass Website’ To Cheat

While the rest of the country recoils in horror from another senseless shooting in Virginia that won’t do shit about America’s gun laws, we’re going to talk about Snooki? – *takes shot of whiskey, then another, and another, and another* – I’LL FUCKIN SPEEDER BIKE MY DICK IN AN EWOK’S BUTT I DON’ GIVE A FUCK! IT’S ON HIS HAY-ATT!

This morning when I got a call from my publicist that a story was going to be printed on my husband “allegedly” signing up on Ashley Madison, I laughed- and said lets not even comment and give the story any juice, because it couldn’t be any further from the truth. But now seeing how it’s the “news of the day” and everyone is wondering what I think about it- here it is. Jionni is the the most humble, respectful, and most loyal souls I know. I mean hello, that’s why I married him. He’s a stand up guy who loves his family more than anything in this world. The fact that the tabloids can deliberately make stories up and print things like “Jionni LaValle ALLEGEDLY and MAY HAVE signed up on Ashley Madison” is absurd. I can see if there is proof in the story to make it legitimate, but to accuse my husband of something he had no idea about… HOW IS THAT LEGAL? I really didn’t even want to acknowledge this absurd story, but when my family is being bashed for no reason- mama bear is gonna say what’s up. So no, my husband didn’t sign up on that website to cheat on me. Honestly, if he wanted to cheat- he would go out and do it. Not sign up on a website and pay for it. Jionni is a good guy and doesn’t need his name being tarnished. Nor does our family. We did nothing wrong to deserve this. So with all of this said, I love you babe. And even though I’m a pain in your ass, I know you would never cheat on me. Especially on a lame ass website. @jlavalle5 💕 #myfamilyrocks

Well, there you have it. Snooki’s husband would never cheat on Snooki because Snooki knows he wouldn’t. But just for the record, Snooki also knows that if he did cheat on Snooki, he wouldn’t need a website to do it because he’s so hot which is how he landed Snooki. Glad that’s cleared up.

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