Snooki Made Us a Valentine

February 14th, 2011 // 140 Comments

She really, really shouldn’t have.

Sticking closely to the MTV Reality Star Playbook, here’s Snooki and her new boyfriend Jionni LaValle posing for a Valentine’s-themed photo shoot and this guy seriously deserves an Olympic medal in gold-digging. Try telling a seasoned digger their next mark is a bear cub with a spastic colon, and they’ll look you dead in the eye and tell you no score is worth that. But not Jionni LaValle: Man-digger. He’ll piggy back, bare back, beef jerky run back, you fucking name it. He probably spent months in a secluded cabin dumping pickles on a brown bean bag chair psyching himself up. There are Navy SEALs who go into combat less prepared.

SEAL #1: Wanna look at this map?
SEAL #2: Nah. It’s not like we’re banging a slutty Ewok.
SEAL #1: Why would you even say that?
SEAL #2: I was just making a joke…
SEAL #1: Wow. I.. I need a therapist. This just got way too real.
SEAL #2: What? We blow up schools for a living.
SEAL #1: Slutty slut slut Ewok… GET IT OUTTA MY HEAD! *blows brains out*

Based on a true story.

Photos: Splash News

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  1. Allie

    well, subtract the fake tan, false eyelashes, 3 inches of caked makeup and hair poof that no one wears… I think Snooki could actually be pretty… Calling her fat I think is stupid, most guys I know actually like a girl who has curves rather then a stick. I think why so many people hate her and nit pick on everything about her is because of the horrid show and stupidity. However I personally do not think she is horrible looking. Beneath all of the over processed looks with makeup and revealing clothes and sun tans, she actually has nice bone structure.

    and FYI people calling her fat and saying the majority of american men like skinny women is just promoting eating disorders. Because she is curvy in my opinion does not make her ugly. And for those who think I must be a fan, Im not, I have only ever seen one episode and Im from Jersey and yes I will still defend her over people who base their entire criticism of her on her weight. Doing those things are just idiotic, hurtful, and condescending to everyone who is of a bigger build. Any impressionable girl or young women who sees such negativity of a person because of their size will begin to get the wrong body image. Its just promoting that stick thin anorexic model image that many womans advocates are trying to stop. Hate someone for their actions not their looks people.

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