Snooki Made Us a Valentine

She really, really shouldn’t have.

Sticking closely to the MTV Reality Star Playbook, here’s Snooki and her new boyfriend Jionni LaValle posing for a Valentine’s-themed photo shoot and this guy seriously deserves an Olympic medal in gold-digging. Try telling a seasoned digger their next mark is a bear cub with a spastic colon, and they’ll look you dead in the eye and tell you no score is worth that. But not Jionni LaValle: Man-digger. He’ll piggy back, bare back, beef jerky run back, you fucking name it. He probably spent months in a secluded cabin dumping pickles on a brown bean bag chair psyching himself up. There are Navy SEALs who go into combat less prepared.

SEAL #1: Wanna look at this map?
SEAL #2: Nah. It’s not like we’re banging a slutty Ewok.
SEAL #1: Why would you even say that?
SEAL #2: I was just making a joke…
SEAL #1: Wow. I.. I need a therapist. This just got way too real.
SEAL #2: What? We blow up schools for a living.
SEAL #1: Slutty slut slut Ewok… GET IT OUTTA MY HEAD! *blows brains out*

Based on a true story.

Photos: Splash News