Snooki is a New York Times Bestseller

January 21st, 2011 // 91 Comments

When she’s not literally taking a shit on cable television and/or talking about how often she shits, the perfect woman basically, Snooki is climbing the New York Times Bestseller list. Or at least that’s what she claims on Twitter:

OMG I’m a New York Times Best Selling Author!!! Thank you so much to my fans, family and everyone who made this possible! LOVE YOU ALL !!

Except Snooki’s book “A Shore Thing” appears absolutely nowhere on the New York Times Best Seller list for Hardcover Fiction. However, I’m not calling her a liar because we live in the greatest country on Earth, so I’m sure it’s only a matter of time until the list is updated [Ed. Like right now. #24.] which has to be deflating for any author who’s achieved the title. Stephen King is probably wishing that van killed him right about now. “I’m on the same list as a what now? *looks at picture of Snooki* Fuck me, my character’s are coming to life and writing their own books. Quick, shoot me in the head before I write again. Hurry, I can feel my fingers inching toward the keyboard! Oh, God!”

Photos: Splash News

superficial

  1. Why does she always wear those ugly fucking boots with her outfits???

    • I swear she looks like a short fat version of Kim K…

      • LMAO!! This is random, my mom watches Wendy Williams and Snooki was her guest and on the show Wendy had three Snooki “Look-alikes” to compete or something idk I saw it in passing, but they were all SUPER fat, only one was just as fat as her. She looked so PISSED it cracked me up!!!!!!!!!!!
        LMAO!
        :D

    • To match her ugly fucking face maybe?

    • Bucky Barnes

      A five inch heel brings her up to nearly 4 feet, plus it makes the calves look great. I should probably mention that I mean “calves” as in baby cows.

    • Rebecca

      First thing that came to mind…. what a terrible choice of shoes.

    • slappy magoo

      ‘Cause she has cankles the size of Christmas hams?

    • Really? You look at that steaming hot mess of skank pudding, with a headline that signifies the fall of western society, and the sum of your emotions is shoe related? Really?

      • Drew

        Oh stfu McFucker. People are entitled to their opinions. You aren’t God on here.

      • Cock Dr

        “You look at that steaming hot mess of skank pudding, with a headline that signifies the fall of western society, and the sum of your emotions is shoe related? Really?”
        It’s not the sum of the emotions, but it is the first one.
        Bad shoes really offend women. It makes us hurt. Looking at this little goblin hurts me in ways that a man just can’t understand.

    • Facebook me

      Every I time I see this burnt orange skin cancer looking bitch, she is larger than life. And what I mean by that is, she is getting larger each time she is photographed..her next gig – spokeperson for Lane Bryant!

      • Facebook me

        The look on the woman behind her is PRICELESS! It’s like she is mortified to be running into this famewhore!

    • I like to think I’m at least a prophet. Like Muhammad. Jesus was a wuss.

  2. Rebecca

    Don’t read too much into that. The book lists, like everything else in entertainment, is fixed. It has to be.

    • dumbass

      wtf, have you ever seen the kind of crap that gets on the NYT bestseller list? it’s all diet books and cook books. At one time, the entire list was 5 garfield books, 2 diet books, and 3 cookbooks. It’s a list of what SELLS. It’s not a list of the 10 best works of fiction, just the best selling. Obviously, we’re a nation of illiterate morons that like to eat too much, read comics about fat lazy smart assed cartoon cats, and then run out for diet books because we’re mystified as to how we got so fat sitting on our lazy asses eating too much and reading comics about obese cartoon cats.

      • Mortimer Duke

        ha ha ha ha @ Dumbass

      • Facebook me

        +1

      • -and buy the cookbook instead of the diet one cuz fuck it, I’d rather learn how to make chicken parmesan.


        I am actually in school for something that will hopefully lead towards being an author and this made me think 2 things. Wow so my hopes and dreams are actually just a big joke, and Snooki just took a shit on my hopes and dreams. That’s like me being in love with, (idk I don’t have celebrity crushes) Brad Pitt and she is like “Oh Braddy? Yeah, I fucked him.”
        :(

        Time to get high.
        Fuck Snooki.

      • Dumbass has a good point. Hulk Hogan wrote a best seller. Other Wrestlers have written so-called best sellers.

  3. Oh snap

    Well… I ran out of toilet paper and decided I’d wipe my ass with something less classy than toilet paper

  4. Lucy

    This shore is depressing.

  5. Alice

    Hahhahha at least this bs sounds like a good material for next SK book.

  6. So, I guess telling a ghostwriter, “So, this one time? I got really drunk? And fell down a lot? And ate a pickle?” qualifies as an author now.

  7. MLVC

    I wonder if her snatch reeks of stale urine and catfish??

  8. GravyLeg

    The only thing that shocks me at this point is that her book isn’t edible.

  9. Chase

    A SHORE THING, by Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi (Gallery) is #24 on the Hardcover Fiction list.

    source: http://www.nytimes.com/best-sellers-books/2011-01-30/hardcover-fiction/list.html

  10. g_girl

    Yep, she’s there………. :D

  11. Jan K.

    Every book ever has been on a bestseller list or won some shit award. It’s as meaningless as movie or music awards.

  12. NO PLEASE NO

    It’s there…. number 24.
    America is officially dead.

    http://www.nytimes.com/best-sellers-books/2011-01-30/hardcover-fiction/list.html

    • Lady Blah Blah

      Agreed, NPO. My first thought was, what a sad statement about where the US is at.

      • Richard McBeef

        Don’t act surprised, the average adult isn’t capable of reading anything that isn’t taken off the shelf of the young adult section.

  13. Mortimer Duke

    The only piece of writing about her im interested in is her obituary.

  14. GravyLeg

    Agreed. Thankfully her obit is assured to short since we can just write the word “shit” on a wall using feces and pretty much have it all covered.

  15. 1hguoreht

    I find her attractive. But shes a fame whore and shes seems to be everywhere lately. it irks me!

    • perv

      I’m with ya. Love her tig ol’ bitties, and she has nice legs for a short chick. But, she needs to hire a new stylist, pronto. Her look is hideous. A cross between Goodwill, vintage, and guido. Not good.

  16. erin

    Since I was young I dreamed about being an author whose work appeared on the NYT best seller list… she just massacred my dreams. I might as well drop out of college, move to the beach, and be a sloppy drunken idiot until MTV wants to make a show about me.

  17. Pauly D

    ugh this little wetback is so f’n disgusting. and that other one she brought holy shit make me sick….

  18. vandal

    Yeah, like she wrote it. This dumb fucker wouldn’t know where to start.

  19. Geo

    Snooki is a New York Times Bestseller—-> you mean Snooki is a New York Times Breastseller

  20. slappy magoo

    Whoa, Nelly! One of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse must’ve got thrown!

  21. Deve

    What I want to know is – where the black hole or reality paradox that will consume us all originates from – her mouth or butthole?

    “…and as God sat in heaven with pen in hand he chuckled to himself…”heh…a Snooki; they’ll never see that one coming…”
    The book of Revations.

  22. Lovemypussyhairthick

    Now I know why the terrorist hate us.

  23. basti

    There being enough buyers to put this book on the bestseller list is the equivalent of this country touching its no-no spots in front of everybody. It might be a naughty thrill at first, but when that’s gone, can you really recover your pride?

  24. James

    I’m serious I wouldn’t care if America was destroyed with nuclear weapons and everything started over.

  25. cant believe im bothered that theres no ass shot

  26. Snooki
    Misana
    Commented on this photo:

    Is the Celine Dion in the back of picture 13?

  27. America, you get the celebrities you deserve. Chew on that, wouldya’?

  28. Gerbil in my Butt

    Fucking troll. One of the many reasons why the rest of the world laughs at us.

  29. I figured Snooki would be a best seller only because if there are enough mindless drones watching the show and enough pre-teen wannabe’s wanting to be like her, and enough New Jersey and Eastern Shoreline skank that are just like her, she would be able to sell enough ‘books’ to make this list.

  30. Annie

    I used to manage a bookstore and the NYTB List is prepared in advance…..this is totally fixed by the publisher. BTW, can her fans actually read?

  31. Who dresses up a stool sample anyway?

  32. melissa

    She is a fucking ugly troll. Nothing attractive or intelligent about this trash bag. America needs to be nuked, I am sick of fat pathetic people praising and making other fat retards rich. Being a citizen of this country is truly embarrassing and to make it worse I live in fucking Jersey. Its about time this bitch stopped reppin Jerz, she is just some ugly cunt from WAY Upstate NY. She is a HICK with a fake wanna be Jersey attitude and accent. This fat bitch FAILS to realize that we do not talk or look anything like this mess. If I ever saw this trick in public I would whoop her ass so hard, you all would be reading about it on this site. Snookie, stay the fuck outta any part of Jersey that has nothing to do with SleezeSide. I would never be caught dead there. If I see you in a club or in the street, its a wrap for you. DUMB BITCH. And fuck ALL of you who watch her show and buy her books. FUCK YOU ALL.

  33. well Snooki certainly seemed to sell a lot of paper weights or table levelers.

  34. Kevin

    Can she even spell bestseller?

  35. She swells up bigger & bigger with each week. Like watching a pumpkin grow in a field. The color is about right…she might be ripe.
    This news of her literary success depresses me. I think I’ll begin the Fryday night rituals of self medication.

  36. Wotwot

    I’m shocked… that her fans can read.

  37. cc

    It’s wierd but Snooki makes me think of bacon.

    Is there Snooki-brand bacon?

  38. Racer X

    I’d wrecked that.

    /tig-ol’-bitties!!!

  39. Ali

    The question is who ISN’T a New York Times Best Selling Author? I bet even I’m there somewhere even though I haven’t even written a book yet.

  40. Snooki
    kayk
    Commented on this photo:

    Snookies book is a best seller?
    Are they selling them at McDonalds ?

  41. wim

    AB-SO-LUUT-ELY!!!
    ………..she can please me.

  42. Anya

    her droopy ass nose hangs down and touches her non existent lips. I’m surprised that she hasn’t gotten collagen injections yet…..

  43. Gando

    Although we know how or what it is. That’s still a good move from Snooki for better ratings!

  44. Nero

    Is she neurotic or something? Always pulling the same act.

  45. Galtacticus

    I think i know what she wants to be done ….. Hehehehe

  46. Olivia

    Does Snooki even know how to write? I’m 100% positive she didn’t write this book. She had someone do it for her. She’s too dumb to even spell book!

  47. John Holmes

    Wait…. Hold on…… let me just….okay, I’m fine now.

    I get it. It’s just the same malicious joke the NY Times loves to play on you poor saps, all of you have fallen to their shenanigans numerous times, too many times to bother counting. but this one takes the cake, and its a big F-ing cake.

    We’ve all seen it before, these pranksters including in their best author lists such gems as Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian. yeah, well there’s only so many times you can pull off the same joke. though I must say, this is quite an impressive feat, taking your chances with Snooki, F-ing Snooki from that show which could only be described as the physical manifestation of the 8th circle of hell (the 9th goes to what is known as “Bridal Plasty”). and you’ve done it. everyone believes it. everyone believes that this is what society has come to.

    NY Times guys, your depraved, utterly insane concept of humanity, which has been demonstrated satirically and thoughfully through the fomulated and repeated prank of adding the likes of Lauren Conrad and Jenna Jameson to the your list of best selling authors has, thanks to your manipulations and cunningness, been accepted by just about everyone who cares about what the NY Times has to say.

    or I could be wrong, which in that case I’m going to put my head under a car and ask someone to run over it.

  48. JuiceinLA

    It took 4 days before I could even crawl out from under my gin soaked bed to comment after reading this. gawd help me, as an unpublished author who actually wrote her own book with my own words and stories and everything, reading that this troll has a publisher and a NYT best seller I am thinking of joining John Holmes there under the tire of his car…

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