Snooki’s Getting Implants

January 4th, 2012 // 38 Comments

When Star Wars was finally released on Blu-ray late last year, fans learned that George Lucas had gone back and edited in several ridiculous additions as is his wont. One of them was making the Ewoks blink, a move he’ll later regret after reading this post and realizing the obvious edit was staring him right in the crotch the whole time. (Get it? Because Ewoks are short? — I don’t have to impress you.) E! News reports:

She tweeted not to long ago that she wants “knockers” like her Jersey Shore bestie JWoww.
Yup, she’s going under the knife!
“Very soon. Very soon,” Snooki told me earlier today when she and JWoww stopped by E! to promote Thursday night’s fifth-season premiere of their hit MTV reality show. “I hope in the next couple of months.”
Snookers doesn’t actually want bigger boobs. “They’re a good size now, but I want them like this when I’m not wearing a bra,” she said, cupping and lifting her chest up.
“I’m definitely taking her to my doctor,” JWoww said. “I’ll go in and get mine redone to make her feel better.”

Oh, good, JWoww is taking Snooki to her doctor. For a minute there, I thought someone who didn’t look like Red Skull’s brother Orange Puss wasn’t mentoring this thing along, and Snooki might actually come out attractive. I don’t want to live in that world.

Photos: Pacific Coast News, Splash News, WENN

superficial

  1. Crocodile Dundee

    I’d put her under my knife, about 238 times.

  2. El Chunior

    bleeargh. Disgusting.

  3. Dude of Dudes

    Jesus,

    Will you please send an asteroid? Aim it at New Jersey or where ever these chlamydia breeding douche nozzles happen to be.

    Love,

    Everyone

  4. JC

    Looks like somebody wants to use the “Teen Mom Investment Strategy.” Christ.

    The even sadder part is that her boobs are probably her only redeeming feature. Yeah, Snooks, get implants to make your tits the exact same size, except hard and weird looking. Good thinking.

  5. Richard McBeef, DVM-PhD - Certified Small Animal Plastic Surgeon

    Nurse, let’s double up on the surgical gloves for this. And light up a cigarette and stick it in my mouth for me, I’ve already scrubbed in.

  6. It's the kimkim, bitches

    She should work on that face first.

    • Dee

      I’m an 19 year old girl and I go on this website to read some gossip and what I have learned from all the men who comment on women’s appearance that apparently every single woman is fucking ugly/fat. These comments that I’ve been reading for months now make me afraid of what men think of ME if they think all these celebs are so ugly. =/

  7. it had to be said

    Little young for a lift, Snooki. A lot of women get those after they have kids, not just when they look like they’ve had kids.

  8. rantatonne

    ’5th season premiere’? Theists : your argument is invalid. 4 times (season one you could chalk up as proof of a devil vs god win)

  9. Evil Dick Tater

    How insightful of Snooki to realize the single remaining step necessary for her transformation from repugnant toad to princess is a pair of gigantic scarred mammaries. You go, uh… girl!

  10. Snooki Cleavage Extra
    Ben Dover
    Commented on this photo:

    She needs a fucking face implant, damn she is fugly

  11. Jeezus Keerist, woman (or whatever your biological classification is)!!! You need to subtract, not add!

  12. Snooki Cleavage Extra
    mj
    Commented on this photo:

    so…. brain implants?

  13. I guess what monkeys see, monkeys do. Maybe they will also throw shit at one another and pick fleas off of one another and eat them.

  14. Boob implants? What she needs are fitbones.

  15. Artimus

    You could slap implants on a warthog but I’m still not gonna put my dick in it. Sorry Pumbaa.

  16. EricLr

    Wait, I thought women from Jersey were *born* with artificial breasts and nails. Why would she need to have them added manually?

    • Evil Dick Tater

      Pre-natal breast implants would be a hot seller in NJ and don’t forget to outfit your unborn with the finest streetwalker fashions. “Hey, this umbilical ruins the whole outfit, can we just take it off? Maybe we can make a belt with it or something.”

  17. Carolyn

    Looks to me like she’s already had some work done on her nose.

  18. 1wango1

    Would somebody just shoot these pathetic and plastic”POSERS” already!I’d call them retards but that would be insulting mentally challenged people everywhere!

  19. Venom

    Jwoww’s surgeon should have his medical license taken away and Snooki is an idiot for letting that guy touch any part of her body.

  20. Rebelminion

    If that thing gets any more implants, it’s gonna pop.

  21. Snooki Cleavage Extra
    Racer X
    Commented on this photo:

    I’d cum inside her.

  22. Alex

    I would focus more on getting my face redone if I were JWoww. That bitch’s face gives me nightmares worse than the Evil Dead 2.

  23. Blech

    If this were about Snooki getting a breast reduction, I’d say OK.

    I can’t OK this. Her new boobs will swallow our planet.

    • It's the kimkim, bitches

      No shit. She’s going to fall flat on her face, which she already does multiple times a day, but I’m saying it will be because of the weight of the unnecessary tit job. Plus, she’s, however old she is, and that’s way too soon to be getting your tits done (unless you’re completely flat-chested, then I get it.). A boob job is a lifetime of maintenance and surgeries and complications from those surgeries. In short, she should use that money to get her teeth fixed.

      • Brooke

        I don’t really get why flat chested girls get boob jobs… I have naturally large breasts since seventh grade and it just means drunk guys think they can randomly cop a feel, no cute bras anywhere, and a lifetime of lower back problems.

  24. forrest gump

    where?
    ……….BEHIND HER EYE-BALLS?

  25. Snooki Cleavage Extra
    Sour Grape
    Commented on this photo:

    What’s that old saying about putting lipstick on a pig?

  26. Snooki Lover

    This is so unnecessary; you cannot improve upon perfection!

  27. touche

    Looks like she’s gaining back all the weight she lost. She’s got the fat gene, poor thing. There ain’t no fighting genetics!

  28. Ekaterina

    Hey Karen, Blisstree is definitely a poitsive site! But I don’t think that being poitsive means you have to suspend critical thinking; celebrities (especially those like Snooki, who choose to publicize their weight loss methods) influence peoples’ decisions and way of thinking about lifestyle and health, for better and for worse. We don’t want to snark on celebrities just for the sake of snarking, but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with pointing out when celebrities are setting really unhealthy examples.I hope this doesn’t take away from your experience on Blisstree; we never want the site to feel like a bitchy smack-talking session.Thanks,Briana

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