Snooki’s Pregnant AND Engaged Now

March 5th, 2012 // 56 Comments
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Because these kids are all moral-filled canolis, Snooki‘s boyfriend Jionni LaValle has reportedly decided to make an honest woman out of the Ewok he fucked without a condom on, according to People. Except he should probably wait for a DNA test considering the list of potential fathers continues to grow each day along with the list of people who’ve seen Snooki naked and pray she miscarries for the sake of child. Via TMZ:

“I hope for her sake … not to be rude or anything … but I hope she has a miscarriage.”
Emilio tells us he does believe Snooki will eventually be a good mother — but insists … there’s no way in fist-pumping hell she’s ready for it now.
According to Emilio, Snooki has always been flippant about having kids … and never really grasped the gravity of being pregnant — “When I was with her, she said she wanted twins. She would always say ‘Let’s have twins.’”
Emilio says, “I would def recommend her to get a paternity test to see who the father is because I’m sure there are other subjects” — adding, “Vinny could easily be the father.”

Emilio also says Snooki would pull a “Kim Kardashian” if she gets married which I highly doubt considering we’ve seen how Snook reacts to urine. She’s surprisingly clean- Oh, wait, he’s talking about getting a divorce right after the wedding. Yeah, she’ll probably do that.

Photos: INFdaily, Splash News

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  1. EricLr

    What a lucky guy. He not only gets a kid with half of that DNA, but he also gets to live with her for the rest of his life–or a few months from now when they both catch each other cheating with about 30 other guys, girls, and assorted animals–whichever comes first.

  2. God is Black

    “I hope for her sake … not to be rude or anything … but I hope she has a miscarriage.” Emilio. What a classy fuckhead. Emilio,Jionni LaValle -what kind of names are these for males? Both these losers must have been bullied 24/7 as kids and high school(did they finish high school?). Very gay (finocchio).

  3. Frank Burns

    When did Barney get hair extensions?

  4. Clarence Beeks

    greeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeat.

  5. DirtyCrotch

    poor kid … I’d rather be raised by Bobby and Whitney , even a dead Whitney

  6. Snooki Engaged Pregnant Jionni LaValle
    cagster
    Commented on this photo:

    Shoes by Krusty the Clown.

  7. Frank Sinatra

    Why would she ever get married? The guy is going to divorce her and take half her money. Doesn’t she like money? Has she been asleep and no one told her that he’s going to take half her money? Even if they get a pre-nup he is still going to take a ridiculous amount of money from her. If they have a kid she will be giving him that guy money for the next 18 + years. You don’t see George Clooney getting married

  8. Satan

    With that whore she might not even be pregnant, just has a beer bottle stuck up her snatch. I doubt her midget boyfriend little midget pecker is big enough to get into her uterus.

    • Satan

      Them having sex is like slapping a cocktail weeny against a pumpkin.

      • Richard McBeef

        Do you normally break into the uterus, Satan? I mean you got to tear some shit to get in there. I’m feeling bad for Satan’s Bitch.

      • Well, our very own satan’s bitch is in Ireland, and I think St. Patrick drove Satan out of that country, or something like that.

        Also, shouldn’t you be posting your credentials on a comment like that, Doc?

  9. Reading this, I feel such great hope for humanity.

  10. Cock Dr

    This validates the argument for free contraceptives for all.

    • I don’t disagree, but can you imagine if Rush Limbaugh had used Snooki as the poster girl for that argument? Nobody would have asked him to apologize for calling her a slut and a prostitute.

      (Shut up, Tom, before you give the right an idea.)

    • Dan

      The problem is we cannot force certain individuals to actually use them… :(

  11. dontkillthemessenger

    What’s the old saying?

    You can’t turn a drunken, piss covered, orange, pregnant ho into a housewife.

  12. I always wondered where fire hydrants came from.

  13. cc

    I’m convinced that a country can only withstand a certain douche/non-douche ratio. America, you are on the brink. That means you smart ones had better get procreating.

  14. she is already a little piglet. when she starts packing on that pregnancy weight- look out!

  15. SFRowGuy

    Well if she is pregnant, then it’s good that the liquor store refused her business.

  16. Jerzz

    Jionni’s shirt is SICK!!!!

  17. Salonze

    Maybe she thinks breast feeding will make her lose weight.

  18. Snooki Engaged Pregnant Jionni LaValle
    nbhd
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey the California Raisins are back!

  19. Snooki Engaged Pregnant Jionni LaValle
    NOI
    Commented on this photo:

    wtf @ her shoes, haha
    That’s cute

  20. Snooki Engaged Pregnant Jionni LaValle
    maddox
    Commented on this photo:

    It’s ghetto Barney boys and girls!

  21. Snooki Engaged Pregnant Jionni LaValle
    ET Phone Home
    Commented on this photo:

    they’re gonna have ewok babies!!!! hahah he’s gotta be like 5’2″

  22. Snooki Engaged Pregnant Jionni LaValle
    Commented on this photo:

    Oh, crap!!! Prepare to welcome the anti-christ, folks.

  23. Snooki Engaged Pregnant Jionni LaValle
    Poison Ivy League
    Commented on this photo:

    DUUUUUUHHHHHHHH.

  24. lawn

    Damn, now she’s not available!

  25. jazzlegs

    If you’ve seen the show you would know that Jionni has old school Italian family values, and has encouraged Snooki to curb her partying ways. Sure she cheated on him with Situation and with Vinny in Italy, but it was early days for the relationship and she appears to have learnt a lot from it.
    Snooki undoubtedly has an alcohol problem but these kids deserve far more credit than they get on the superficial.

  26. Snooki Engaged Pregnant Jionni LaValle
    TurboZinger
    Commented on this photo:

    Fucking pickles… she HAD to get pregnant….

  27. Rapsutin's Evil Twin

    For those trying to keep score, the Apocalypse is on schedule. I’ll be at the bar, waiting for the next sign.

  28. forrest

    pssssssssst: D E L E T E!!

  29. I can hardly wait to see what Snooki looks like at eight months pregnant. People will mistake her for a coconut rolling down the street.

  30. Snooki Engaged Pregnant Jionni LaValle
    gigi
    Commented on this photo:

    Who is the daddy???
    Could be so many who knows and who cares!

  31. she-hulk

    I really don’t see why Snooki’s ex has anything to say. He is just a big hater. If Snooki is pregnant, who cares! It’s not like she can’t afford to provide for a child unlike other peopl, just saying. Snooki is a funny gal, she didnt have any major responisbilities, she was just having fun. People change when theya re expecting so perhaps she will make changes if she is pregnant. Either way I’ll still be a Snooki fan. Watching her on Jersey Shore is so freaking entertaining. I’ll be tuning into her spin-off as well. Whether I am working at DISH or at school, I’ll be streaming any show I get at home right to my iPhone. Anyways I wish her all the best!

  32. Mama Pinkus

    a pox on all you stupid fuckers who made this hideous little troll a celebrity

  33. Snooki Engaged Pregnant Jionni LaValle
    Brooke
    Commented on this photo:

    I Love Snokii And I Think She Going To Be The Best Mother Ever

  34. Jose

    Nelson in jail. I think he was caught with 6 oz of piiphe lettuce. Lassalle, how much is that? Willie Nelson is Going To Jail?! __________________ ( . Y . ) Liberals are like slinkies, good for nothing .but they bring a

  35. even people so dewsperate for a child wouldn’t even consider adopting this one, god only knows what troubles come with it..

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