Our Forefathers Fought For This

Yes, gentlemen, the rumors are true: You can get gay-married in New York! Huzzah!

Like a scene out of Block-Shaped Sluts 6, Snooki and Deena Cortese celebrated the Fourth of July weekend by getting so sloppy Cannoli-shit-hammered, Snooki had to be carried off the beach, again, while Deena raped innocent bystanders using nothing but brute force and strategic belly-flops. Later, she’d grow a big red beard and tell Frodo all about the Mines of Moria and how it’d be safe to travel through them.

Photo: Splash News