Our Forefathers Fought For This

July 5th, 2011 // 231 Comments

Yes, gentlemen, the rumors are true: You can get gay-married in New York! Huzzah!

Like a scene out of Block-Shaped Sluts 6, Snooki and Deena Cortese celebrated the Fourth of July weekend by getting so sloppy Cannoli-shit-hammered, Snooki had to be carried off the beach, again, while Deena raped innocent bystanders using nothing but brute force and strategic belly-flops. Later, she’d grow a big red beard and tell Frodo all about the Mines of Moria and how it’d be safe to travel through them.

Photo: Splash News

superficial

  1. rican

    Ok, who dressed up my balls and took a picture of them?

  2. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Noe
    Commented on this photo:

    Disgusting.

  3. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Commented on this photo:

    Sweet mother of Christ, that’s revolting. I was going to write up a narrative about the graceful frolicking of the New Jersey whale, but it’s just too much of a stretch.

  4. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Commented on this photo:

    It looks like there’s an oily film floating around her.

  5. ltleflwr

    These aren’t girls, they are MANatees. They are so gross. What do they do when they are supposedly working out at the gym? Have hot dog eating contests?

    • Blech

      They hydrate with beer instead of water or Gatorade. They’re that color because they sweat beer from their pores.

  6. Compound9

    Now we see in the wild the manatee has the ability to walk upright and for some reason are quite drawn to short fat men in drag.

    Get off the beach noooooow they are looking for fooooood……

  7. Compound9

    I would feel bad for being mean but these aren’t human.

  8. Jersey Shore Snooki Drunk
    tracy
    Commented on this photo:

    My god, how did you fit the two of them into one photo? I thought they were supposed to be in their 20′s, photos say 40-50. Ugh.

  9. Jersey Shore Snooki Drunk
    tracy
    Commented on this photo:

    fat anf fugly….

  10. JC

    Snooki: “Oh, GOD, I can’t look! Please make it stop!”
    Denna: “it’s O.K., Snooki. They’re covering up that mirror.”

  11. Jersey Shore Snooki Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    her piercing is about to fall off

  12. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    papastryfe
    Commented on this photo:

    Who knew she’d squirt all of the steroids out from her ass put there by her housemates with joy dancing with a guy whose tan doesn’t wash off in the ocean?

  13. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    papastryfe
    Commented on this photo:

    dammit, strikethrough didn’t work…only cuz i’m not as cool as Fish.

  14. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    bethy
    Commented on this photo:

    Trip to NJ: $300 (round-trip)
    Fame whoring for photos with Jersey Shore stars: (free…probably)
    Getting herpes from dancing: irreversible

  15. Trent Wesley -Tarelot

    I would need several liters of scotch and be in a near comatose – state before I could attempt sexual congress with these she – dogs !

  16. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    j/k
    Commented on this photo:

    When the audience is hotter than the star, it’s time to cancel the show.

  17. Jersey Shore Snooki Drunk
    Ryan S.
    Commented on this photo:

    Wait. I thought Tara Reid had sex with A-Rod. No one said she porked Bilbo Baggins too.

  18. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    diego
    Commented on this photo:

    I hope that fine young gentleman with the margarita in hand is here with Greenpeace to help push the pod of beached whales back into the water.

  19. Jersey Shore Snooki Drunk
    Gerbil in my Butt
    Commented on this photo:

    OMFG! I just threw up ON Dean Wormer….

  20. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Double D
    Commented on this photo:

    Those are just what they call “breeding hips.” If what you are breeding is Holsteins.

  21. cc

    Ah yes, just goes to show there are no absolutes in this world. You thought Snooki couldn’t get anymore repulsive? Just think of her vomiting after a major drinking binge. Honestly, if someone whispered that in your ear mid-coitus, your erection would disappear, just like that.

  22. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Crotch
    Commented on this photo:

    Planking, Jersey Store style

  23. Jersey Shore Snooki Drunk
    Crotch
    Commented on this photo:

    She was feeding from his teet, the milk mustache is proof.

  24. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Commented on this photo:

    That’s got to be one in the record books for manatee migration.

  25. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    … and Cortese sticks the landing!
    But the feet are slightly apart, that will cost her at least half a point.

  26. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    Brains! … Must … eat … brains!

  27. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    BSting
    Commented on this photo:

    Are you sure this isn’t a doctored pic from one of Brooke Hogan’s photo shoots?

  28. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    THIS is the time and place the tsunami should have hit.

  29. Jersey Shore Snooki Drunk
    MisterSuccint
    Commented on this photo:

    The polka-dotted cummerbund (from the Persian for “semen” and “wipe”) nicely accentuates the basic black bikini top (which is about to let go) and the camo mini-skirt (delineating the muffin-top and concealing the FUPA).

  30. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    M
    Commented on this photo:

    Hey, breast implants float. Who knew?

  31. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Snack pack
    Commented on this photo:

    Interesting that the paps didn’t catch the team of marine biologists who tagged this creature with that tracking device. I mean, it must have taken a team, right?

  32. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    BSting
    Commented on this photo:

    Unsuccessful in the hunt for her dignity, the female of the species returns to the water.

  33. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Snack pack
    Commented on this photo:

    Now THIS this just gratuitous, or egregious, or whatever. Just plain offensive. But I look anyway.

  34. Jersey Shore Snooki Drunk
    BSting
    Commented on this photo:

    Take notes LiLo: Snooki might have had to be carried off of the beach but she still didn’t bite it in front of the paps in her platforms.

  35. Jersey Shore Snooki Drunk
    BSting
    Commented on this photo:

    Back up! Nursing mothers are a protected population!

  36. Zilly

    In the little pic I thought Deena was Weston Cage.

  37. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    TS
    Commented on this photo:

    Fatfucks as far as the eye can see. What a disgrace of a state.

  38. Ugh

    Someone call 911! That chilean wart hog is attacking that disgusting land whale…

  39. Jersey Shore Snooki Drunk
    Commented on this photo:

    I’m so confused. Why is that guy wearing a mini-dress?

  40. sc4play

    The one on the left looks like a young Abe Vigoda. There went my appetite. Thanks Fish!

  41. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Toxic Buddy
    Commented on this photo:

    Fat girl in a bikini. ewww.

  42. Jersey Shore Snooki Drunk
    J
    Commented on this photo:

    her belly button looks sad :(

  43. fritanga

    OMG, that Lord of the Rings crack almost made me gag on my pretzel. Hilarious and, unfortunately, too horribly true. She DOES look like a LotR dwarf-woman. Yikes.

  44. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Jovy
    Commented on this photo:

    Evidence that Free Willy did not make it over that wall.

  45. Jovy

    DEM ROLLS.

  46. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Loulou
    Commented on this photo:

    OMG! Your water just broke! Time to push now!

  47. thelightman

    Why can’t my underarms smell like this???

  48. Jersey Shore Snooki Drunk
    Ponkur
    Commented on this photo:

    “Nope, this guy ain’t hard either. Is everybody on this beach impotent or what!?”

  49. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Ponkur
    Commented on this photo:

    It can do tricks?

  50. Deena Cortese Bikini Jersey Shore
    Ponkur
    Commented on this photo:

    I laughed so hard it hurt.

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