Yes, gentlemen, the rumors are true: You can get gay-married in New York! Huzzah!
Like a scene out of Block-Shaped Sluts 6, Snooki and Deena Cortese celebrated the Fourth of July weekend by getting so sloppy Cannoli-shit-hammered, Snooki had to be carried off the beach, again, while Deena raped innocent bystanders using nothing but brute force and strategic belly-flops. Later, she’d grow a big red beard and tell Frodo all about the Mines of Moria and how it’d be safe to travel through them.
Photo: Splash News
Ok, who dressed up my balls and took a picture of them?
Disgusting.
Sweet mother of Christ, that’s revolting. I was going to write up a narrative about the graceful frolicking of the New Jersey whale, but it’s just too much of a stretch.
It looks like there’s an oily film floating around her.
These aren’t girls, they are MANatees. They are so gross. What do they do when they are supposedly working out at the gym? Have hot dog eating contests?
They hydrate with beer instead of water or Gatorade. They’re that color because they sweat beer from their pores.
Now we see in the wild the manatee has the ability to walk upright and for some reason are quite drawn to short fat men in drag.
Get off the beach noooooow they are looking for fooooood……
I would feel bad for being mean but these aren’t human.
My god, how did you fit the two of them into one photo? I thought they were supposed to be in their 20′s, photos say 40-50. Ugh.
fat anf fugly….
Snooki: “Oh, GOD, I can’t look! Please make it stop!”
Denna: “it’s O.K., Snooki. They’re covering up that mirror.”
her piercing is about to fall off
Who knew she’d squirt all of the steroids out from her ass put there by her housemates with joy dancing with a guy whose tan doesn’t wash off in the ocean?
dammit, strikethrough didn’t work…only cuz i’m not as cool as Fish.
Trip to NJ: $300 (round-trip)
Fame whoring for photos with Jersey Shore stars: (free…probably)
Getting herpes from dancing: irreversible
I would need several liters of scotch and be in a near comatose – state before I could attempt sexual congress with these she – dogs !
When the audience is hotter than the star, it’s time to cancel the show.
Wait. I thought Tara Reid had sex with A-Rod. No one said she porked Bilbo Baggins too.
Craggy face and a smooth body? That’s the Bizarro Tara Reid.
I hope that fine young gentleman with the margarita in hand is here with Greenpeace to help push the pod of beached whales back into the water.
What fine young gentleman, all I see are whales.
OMFG! I just threw up ON Dean Wormer….
Those are just what they call “breeding hips.” If what you are breeding is Holsteins.
Ah yes, just goes to show there are no absolutes in this world. You thought Snooki couldn’t get anymore repulsive? Just think of her vomiting after a major drinking binge. Honestly, if someone whispered that in your ear mid-coitus, your erection would disappear, just like that.
Planking, Jersey Store style
She was feeding from his teet, the milk mustache is proof.
That’s got to be one in the record books for manatee migration.
… and Cortese sticks the landing!
But the feet are slightly apart, that will cost her at least half a point.
Brains! … Must … eat … brains!
Are you sure this isn’t a doctored pic from one of Brooke Hogan’s photo shoots?
THIS is the time and place the tsunami should have hit.
The polka-dotted cummerbund (from the Persian for “semen” and “wipe”) nicely accentuates the basic black bikini top (which is about to let go) and the camo mini-skirt (delineating the muffin-top and concealing the FUPA).
Hey, breast implants float. Who knew?
Not implants, FAT.
Interesting that the paps didn’t catch the team of marine biologists who tagged this creature with that tracking device. I mean, it must have taken a team, right?
Unsuccessful in the hunt for her dignity, the female of the species returns to the water.
Now THIS this just gratuitous, or egregious, or whatever. Just plain offensive. But I look anyway.
Take notes LiLo: Snooki might have had to be carried off of the beach but she still didn’t bite it in front of the paps in her platforms.
Back up! Nursing mothers are a protected population!
Giving birth to a basketball doesn’t count.
In the little pic I thought Deena was Weston Cage.
Fatfucks as far as the eye can see. What a disgrace of a state.
Someone call 911! That chilean wart hog is attacking that disgusting land whale…
I’m so confused. Why is that guy wearing a mini-dress?
The one on the left looks like a young Abe Vigoda. There went my appetite. Thanks Fish!
Fat girl in a bikini. ewww.
her belly button looks sad :(
OMG, that Lord of the Rings crack almost made me gag on my pretzel. Hilarious and, unfortunately, too horribly true. She DOES look like a LotR dwarf-woman. Yikes.
Evidence that Free Willy did not make it over that wall.
DEM ROLLS.
OMG! Your water just broke! Time to push now!
Why can’t my underarms smell like this???
“Nope, this guy ain’t hard either. Is everybody on this beach impotent or what!?”
It can do tricks?
I believe the phrase is “TURN tricks.”
It’s a seismic event…
I laughed so hard it hurt.