Because soon people will realize they’ve been hypnotized into staring at the warthog from The Lion King get the clap and stop watching, Snooki is selling every last detail of her pregnancy to anyone with a checkbook and/or pack of Slim Jims. So here she is exclusively revealing to In Touch that she’s having a boy and also making a permanent record for that poor little bastard to find and discover his whore of a mother really wanted a girl. I’m not an emotional man, but God, do I weep for this kid:
Snooki tells In Touch that she and Jionni are deciding between two names – Lorenzo or Jionni Jr. And while she’s thrilled to welcome a son, the 24-year-old admits she was hoping for a mini-me. “I thought it was going to be a girl. I was hoping it would be, because all girls want girls,” Snooki says, at first disappointed, but adding, “It’s still my baby, no matter what. I’m excited either way!”
Of course, with this news at her disposal, you’d just assume Snooki would jump at another opportunity to have two men inside of her at once, except it turns out she’s the only pregnant woman alive who doesn’t get more horny the further along she gets:
While some women find their sex drive enhanced during pregnancy, you won’t find Snooki and Jionni anywhere near the smush room! “Our sex life is hardly there! I just feel too icky and gross,” Snooki confides. “I’m so not in the mood to do stuff.”
Wow, this Jionni guy really hit the jackpot. Not only is he now legally obligated to interact with Snooki for the next 18 years, he gets her after she stops putting out at the drop of a pickle and moved out of the Jersey Shore house so gold coins won’t pop out of her head anymore when he actually does get to bang her. Which, for the record, is the only theory I have as to why anyone would ever want to do that in the first place. Oh, no, wait, I also wrote down alcohol poisoning. They’ll do her if they’re alcohol poisoned. My bad.
What an ugly little moppet.
Seems legit.
Never reply to spammers. Lesson learned. Can’t explain the double post though.
Seems legit.
[img]http://www.thesuperficial.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/05/23/jcvd-340_475.jpg[/img]
You’re killing me here. What’s today? Shrivel dick Wednesday? What was yesterday with the hot chicks, Dick Tease Tuesday? What’s tomorrow? Dick Thirsty Thursday?
The week goes like this:
Holy-Shit-We-Have-The-Whole-Weekend-To-Catch-Up-On Monday
Dick Teaseday
Womp-Womp Wednesday
Dick Thirstday
Fuck-It Friday
(Womp-Womp = sad trombone)
Jessica’s Wedding Day Details: How exactly does one get the finest Chili’s in the country to cater?
I was still holding out hope that the whole Snooki pregnant thing was all an elaborate practical joke… god damn it.
“‘I just feel too icky and gross,’ Snooki confides”
Finally, we agree on something.
I sure hope this pregnancy doesn’t ruin her beautiful figure.
There’s no way of conclusively proving paternity when the poor kid’s blood is 75% spray tan.
If its not tied down now you should do it soon, here in the next couple months she will develop her own gravitational pull.
Boy, Girl… What I really need to know is what color is it’s fur…
“Drop the Pickle” – wasn’t that a TLC song?
From geriatric fattards in weirdo bikini to snooki bombs… ok.
So, what, we have 22-months until the little tusker arrives? Can’t wait until “US” has all the pix of her and the little Oly tagging along hanging onto her tail.
Man I’d hate to share the same genes as her. I feel bad for the kid.
I wonder how mad she is that as soon as she stopped being a mini whale, she got pregnant?
On another note, that baby’s going to be ugly as hell.
It happened to me too. I have a hormone disorder that caused me to not ovulate. When I hit the gym and went on a diet, I lost about 35 pounds…. then I became pregnant.
Wow. Just…wow.
It looks suspiciously like she’s had cheek implants done. Plastic surgery during pregnancy ?? What kind of mother would be “disappointed” that it’s a boy ? The intelligence level here just floors me.
I was thinking the same thing, she’s looking alot like Bristol Palin these days.
Every time I see her, I am thankful that somewhere 3 billy goats gruff are frolicking unmolested on a bridge…
I’m exactly as far along in my pregnancy as Snooki – but I’m having a girl. I can’t stand this parade mess. I hope we don’t give birth on the same day. Oh god, I hope not. We’re the same age, too. Fuck me.
snooki’s having a boy……the jokes write themselves
Christ, two morons giving birth to another moron. No wonder this country is going down the tubes. Two idiots like this should never be allowed to reproduce.
Isn’t that the norm? Ignorant = lack of birth control.
“Wine in the delivery room?” WTF…
So no breast feeding for her then? I bet she hasn’t thought that far. Yick
YOLO. Unless you choose abortion.
Can you really call it a boy when it’s creation was spurred by the mixing of hundreds of different sperm donors?
Let’s err on the side of caution and call it a genetic experiment.
I always thought this was the case, but now I’m certain that Snooki will have a penis inside of her 24 hours a day.
Why is this fugly looking alcoholic troll still newsworthy? She will be lucky if the baby is not born with fetal alcohol syndrome.
hopefully it eats its way out
I speak on behalf of intelligent people when I say who gives a shit what this pig is eventually going to shoot out her cooch!
It’s a shame that as a society we are not technologically advanced enough to perfect the self-select abortion wherein the child could view its parents from the womb and choose to end terminate the pregnancy of its own volition.
I wouldn’t even be here now.
Hey, I gave birth to Snooki’s baby twin!
Then I wiped three times, it was a greasy one, and flushed.
I bet you Justin Bieber is the father. Swaggy adults LOVE Ewoks.
FUCK.
THE SADDEST PART is that she will get $1million for pictures of her baby.
fuck the tabloids, fuck the media
To be fair about her size, she IS eating for a litter….
whats this guys height? 5’2?