Snooki Wrote Another Book. Of Course.

October 26th, 2011 // 60 Comments

Following up on the New York Times bestselling success of A Shore Thing – Those words just happened. – Snooki is currently promoting her latest book Confessions of a Guidette where she enriches readers’ lives by inviting them to join the “Snooki Style Revolution.” So for your edification, here are some nuggets of wisdom from the “revolution” which I’m mostly posting so lone gunmen know to shoot anyone holding a copy thus allowing the human race to continue evolving as a species. Via Amazon:

“My biggest nightmare is waking up pale. Or without eyelashes.”

“A guidette has to know how to have fun anywhere. Like, if you’re stuck in a cardboard box, you have to rock it.”

“LOVE my slippers. It’s like wearing beds on your feet.”

“If you can smell hair gel from a mile away, it signals guido mating season.”

“I like to wear so many accessories that people are confused.”

“Guidettes are born with attitude. It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, skinny, round, or a Smurf, or what your background is, we put on our bronzer and we fricken rock our princess status. Like, get out of our way, we don’t care what you think. Unless you’re a mirror.”

Of course, the thing that should concern every single man, woman and child in America is the fact that the cover contains the words, “New York Times Bestselling Author Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi.” I honestly don’t see how the U.N. can’t declare us a third world country at this point. “Aw, oui oui, the little pig girl is your best author, non? You no-a worry, we send-a you crepes. Hang-a in there.”

(Fun Fact: Yes, I genuinely think the U.N. is chaired by a Frenchman with an Italian accent. Also, Captain Planet, who’s constantly making zingers when everyone’s trying to be all serious. “Darfur? I hardly know her! Count it.”)

Photos: Fame, INFdaily

superficial

  1. Anonymous

    Why hasn’t the Empire enslaved this freakin’ ewok yet?

  2. BigDaddy

    What a dooooooooooooogggggggggggggggg!

  3. V

    don’t lie. All of you nasty men on here would be all over that if you had the chance. you know it.

  4. Gerbil in my Butt

    How this fat, ugly cunt continues to get paid amazes me. The dumbing-down of America is nearly complete.

  5. D-chi

    Wait, she wrote not one book, but two?

    Actually, the comments about rocking being in a cardboard box and slippers being beds on your feet are hilarious.

    ….WHAT HAS HAPPENED TO MY MIND.

  6. EmmaWatson's Vagina

    I miss JWow.

  7. MarkM

    Who the fuck buys a book “written by Snooki???”

  8. Richard McBeef

    Considering standard literary fare for adults (sadly) comes from the Young Adult or Teen Paranormal Romance sections at the library, I am not surprised that there are enough dumbshits at the junior high reading level to make that shit a best seller.

  9. She’s at a Barnes & Noble. She belongs at a Barn & Stable.

  10. zomgbie

    the only way to top the losers that went to the barnes & noble shop for the release date book signing
    is to go to the barnes & noble shop for the release date book signing and have your picture taken for all the internetz to see.
    congrats.

  11. Carles

    “Another Book”. Another? ANOTHER??

  12. Abby Normal

    This must be the little piggie who writes books, which suggests someone has six toes. Why am I not surprised?

  13. So, as an author, she’s the intellectual of the group? Wow… just, wow.

  14. JC

    For every certified idiot that buys this book, there is at least one hipster buying it “ironically.” And they should also die.

  15. EricLr

    Snooki has never ever READ a book, much less written one. The closest she has ever come to writing was scrawling “One day I’ll be famous” on a notebook over and over again back in high school

    • TomFrank

      Yes. That headline should read something more like, “Snooki Dictated More Random Thoughts That Someone Else Typed Up and Organized.”

  16. Venom

    Setting aside the fact that I am pretty confident that this idiot could never write a book on her own, who the hell would buy her book?
    It is not like people that watch that crap show can actually read, nor do they have the inclination to actually pick up books anyway. I could not even imagine the Twilight crowd buying her book and that says a lot.

  17. Schmidtler

    why is anyone still under the delusion that the NY Times bestseller list is any kind of endorsement of the books listed as being worthwhile literature? The entire list is almost always half cookbooks, and half diet books, except for one long stretch back when it was half ‘Garfield’ ‘books’, and the rest diet and cook books. We are stupid, stupid people, that like to read about how to lose weight, how to gain it back cooking & eating, and can’t seem to resist cartoons about fat smart assey cats that over eat. We are a nation of illiterate, obese classless fools.

    • it had to be said

      Two things: First, you know that there’s a “fiction” section too, right? Second, you know that “bestseller” means “the most copies were purchased” right? So, it is not an endorsement of quality, but of what other people bought. That’s all it has ever been. Fool.

      • SisterRay

        To be fair, the fiction section is typically dominated by Janet Evanovich, John Grisham, and that one Swedish trilogy with all the rapists.

  18. Steelerchick

    She wrote a book? In what? Crayons?

  19. gooch

    How does someone write more books than they’ve read?

  20. rican

    The headline is wrong, the real story is that she wrote ON another book.

  21. ChinoLatino

    She looks like a CHILEAN CAPYBARRA!!!

  22. JP

    AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

  23. Snooki Confessions Of A Guidette
    dontkillthemessenger
    Commented on this photo:

    Look at Chaz Bono hanging out with those other ladies. Is it trying to bang Snooki? Take her. Please. (That sentence can go either way.)

  24. Dan

    Half of me wonders if this is all an act and at night she counts her money laughing at how stupid everyone is.

    But, this is probably only a fantasy.

  25. kimmykimkim

    Hahaha! Oh man! She’s hilariously stupid!

  26. Snooki Confessions Of A Guidette
    Stephanie
    Commented on this photo:

    You will never be pale because you’re a fucking CHILEAN, not an American from New Jersey.

  27. Meanwhile. copies of Catcher In The Rye are selling for a dollar.

  28. kara

    i just threw up EVERYWHERE because of this post

  29. Snooki Confessions Of A Guidette
    Commented on this photo:

    “The SnookBook: A Slampig Manifesto”

  30. right

    This bitch is pure trash. She will be working at a nail salon within 3 years.

  31. forrest gump

    she doesn’t give a fuck if anybody will read it.
    ………….IT’S FOR THE BLIND!!

    snooki cares for “Hustler”, and we all do…………

  32. Snooki Confessions Of A Guidette
    yomomma
    Commented on this photo:

    still fugly

  33. Anonymous

    This bitch couldn’t even spell “book” let alone write one.

  34. She’s an exhausted meme.

  35. Snooki Confessions Of A Guidette
    Tim
    Commented on this photo:

    bitch is absolute trash, hopefully her liver gives out soon

  36. Sol

    Johannes Gutenberg has a lot to answer for.

  37. Oogidyboogidy

    It’s bad enough that this butter troll has TWO books published now…when I stop and think how many starving authors there are out there it makes me want to drive my car through the wall at McDonald’s…

    But….who the FUCK IS BUYING HER CRAP? Seriously. We need to find out who..it is a moral imperative. If you’ve seen Idiocracy you’ll know why…the people buying this fool’s “book” are the genetic material that will bring us to an Idiocracy future. And they must be stopped.

  38. a pornstar

    the same people who watch two and a half men or tmz, or cops or big bang or dog dounty hunter, kate plus 8…

    all.those.people.

    bring back Joe Mangia Puta

  39. Kym and Kchoe Kardasian

    Snooki is nothing but low class talentless trailer trash with no redeeming value whatsoever.

  40. Snooki Confessions Of A Guidette
    Commented on this photo:

    Her ex Emilio hasn’t banged her in 5 months, but thinks he might be the father of a newly discovered pregnancy? Is EVERYONE in Jersey a fucking retard?

  41. Snooki Confessions Of A Guidette
    The Brown Streak
    Commented on this photo:

    AAAAAAAAAAL!

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