Snooki Wrote Another Book. Of Course.

Following up on the New York Times bestselling success of A Shore Thing – Those words just happened. – Snooki is currently promoting her latest book Confessions of a Guidette where she enriches readers’ lives by inviting them to join the “Snooki Style Revolution.” So for your edification, here are some nuggets of wisdom from the “revolution” which I’m mostly posting so lone gunmen know to shoot anyone holding a copy thus allowing the human race to continue evolving as a species. Via Amazon:

“My biggest nightmare is waking up pale. Or without eyelashes.”

“A guidette has to know how to have fun anywhere. Like, if you’re stuck in a cardboard box, you have to rock it.”

“LOVE my slippers. It’s like wearing beds on your feet.”

“If you can smell hair gel from a mile away, it signals guido mating season.”

“I like to wear so many accessories that people are confused.”

“Guidettes are born with attitude. It doesn’t matter if you’re tall, skinny, round, or a Smurf, or what your background is, we put on our bronzer and we fricken rock our princess status. Like, get out of our way, we don’t care what you think. Unless you’re a mirror.”

Of course, the thing that should concern every single man, woman and child in America is the fact that the cover contains the words, “New York Times Bestselling Author Nicole ‘Snooki’ Polizzi.” I honestly don’t see how the U.N. can’t declare us a third world country at this point. “Aw, oui oui, the little pig girl is your best author, non? You no-a worry, we send-a you crepes. Hang-a in there.”

(Fun Fact: Yes, I genuinely think the U.N. is chaired by a Frenchman with an Italian accent. Also, Captain Planet, who’s constantly making zingers when everyone’s trying to be all serious. “Darfur? I hardly know her! Count it.”)

Photos: Fame, INFdaily