Simon Cowell can’t afford toothpaste

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Simon Cowell – the mean guy on American Idol – had to borrow cash from his driver/bodyguard after his American Express Black card wouldn’t work while he was trying to buy some toothpaste and shampoo at a Miami Beach drugstore Monday.

A witness reports the Brit became annoyed, as did the line of shoppers behind him. Cowell, embarrassed but determined, dashed out to his waiting driver/bodyguard and returned with a wad of cash. A rep for Cowell confirmed the machine was unable to read his card, but denied Cowell made a scene: “The only productions Simon puts on are on TV.”

The real question here is why Simon Cowell is using an American Express Centurion Card to buy something as trivial as shampoo. You wanna know why the card wouldn’t work? Because it spits on anything worth less than $10,000. I was walking down the street once and a Centurion Card showed up and pushed me down the stairs because my watch wasn’t expensive enough. True story.