Simon Cowell Ain’t Marrying Shit, Regroups In Mezghan Hussainy’s Vagina

If there was ever one photograph that encompasses what it’s like to date Simon Cowell, it’s this one. “That blowjob was absolutely dreadful. Ohmygod, are you still in the car?”

Despite Lauren Silverman telling everyone Simon Cowell’s going to make an honest woman out of her, he has absolutely no plans to, and mostly just wants to jump to the part where he cuts her a check to go away so women don’t find out he isn’t sterile and make him wear a condom. TMZ reports:

Simon Cowell is upset … very upset he’s in the middle of what is becoming a bitter divorce between Andrew Silverman and Simon’s soon-to-be baby mama Lauren Silverman, and he’s pressuring her to settle … sources with direct knowledge of the situation tell TMZ.
We’re told Simon HATES the bad publicity, which he feels is making him look like an underhanded cad. Our sources say Simon has painted a clear picture to Lauren — the money she’ll get from Andrew is minimal because of their prenup, so any significant cash will come from Mr. X Factor himself.

While some reports are estimating Simon could be paying up to $3 million a year in child support, he couldn’t care less and is already banging his ex Mezghan Hussainy while he looks for other women to lure onto his penis with promises of cash. Via People:

With the public still reeling from news that he was expecting a child with his friend’s wife, Simon Cowell went back to work on Thursday to promote X Factor.
Question: who was at his side while he faced the press?
Answer: His ex-fiance Mezghan Hussainy.
Hussainy, who is also Cowell’s makeup artist, was on hand at the Television Critics Association panel in Beverly Hills while he addressed television reports alongside his fellow judges. She was also spotted arriving at his Los Angeles home earlier in the day.

“Oh, Simon, I can’t believe what that awful woman did you. I could never do something like that.”
“And that’s why I have sex with you whenever it’s convenient, love. Now if you wouldn’t mind getting dressed in the garage, I’ve got a date coming over. Spit spot!”

Photos: Splash News