And, Great, Shia LaBeouf Just Retired. WHAT DID YOU ANIMALS DO?!

January 10th, 2014 // 38 Comments

“Did you just say you directed A River Runs Through It?”
“Don’t stifle my art, Bob.”

Back in December, Shia LaBeouf was caught plagiarizing the shit out of Daniel Clowes‘ graphic novel Justin M. Damiano for a short film Howard that Shia had been shopping to festivals for over a year. Since then, Shia has gone on a manic apology/plagiarizing/sky-writing spree that finally got his ass sued instead of being heralded for trying to turn the whole thing into performance art because he’s a creative ingenue. (I may have used that word wrong.) So since the world doesn’t appreciate Shia LaBeouf, Shia LaBeouf no longer appreciates the world and will deprive it of his art. Via Twitter:

In light of the recent attacks against my artistic integrity, I am retiring from all public life.
My love goes out to those who have supported me.

I’m at an impasse here because on the one hand, I don’t want to pretend this is anything more than a hissy fit for attention that means absolutely nothing. But on the other, I don’t want to rule out the possibility that Shia LaBeouf genuinely believes plagiarizing is legitimate creativity. So let’s meet in the middle and assume this is about Brad Pitt telling Shia to take a shower when he tried to go method. A man’s stank is his art, you swine!

Photo: Splash News


  1. Maybe Shia, Chris Brown, and “The Biebs” can all retire together, buy a big ranch in North Dakota and snuggle together all winter long.

  2. cc

    Don’t worry Shia, your magnificent body of work will live on long after you are forgotten.

  3. Cock Dr

    It was time for some happy news. Thank u blogger!

  4. celebrities saying they are retired is the new “I’m going to rehab”…..

  5. Mohawk Disco

    I wonder whom he copied this message from.

  6. Aaron

    Cry for me Shia LaDouche

  7. Yawn. When you can’t even act ‘sex’ and have to do it fer realz under some pretense of being ‘art’, you have no artistic credibility to lose.

    His tweet reads like a two year old sulking in the corner. Get over your pretentious self.

  8. Whambulance Driver


  9. Deacon Jones

    I wonder what he’ll do with his time, besides surfing Amazon for retro Master of the Universe t-shirts and 70s porn aviator sunglasses

  10. Wait…he wasn’t already retired?

  11. I once read an interview with him in Playboy.

    That’s it. I just wanted to brag about actually reading an article in Playboy instead of just looking at the pictures. Carry on.

  12. Megan Fox Bikini Brian Austin Green
    Commented on this photo:

    How it all began…

    Megan: “I think I want a tattoo of an inspirational quote on my right side. What should it be?”

    Shia: “How about, ‘Those who danced were thought to be insane by those who could not hear the music.’?”

    Megan: “That’s so beautiful. Who said that?”

    Shia: “I did!”


    Bbbbut he wuz gunna B teh new Indiana Joneses!!!

  14. Frank Burns

    Uhm, Shia, you can’t retire from being artistic before you’ve actually done something artistic. And you have to have integrity before it can be attacked. Other than that, you are all set.

  15. The only real news here is Robert Redford’s horrific fucking wig. HOLY SHIT is that awful.

  16. Shia makes me rethink my policy on shaking kids to discipline them.

  17. anonymous

    Retired from social media? Now we are all in trouble because Shia invented the internet. He said so himself.

  18. I like the #stopcreating. Are you really creating anything when you steal real artist’s work?

  19. JimBB


  20. Jiminy Cryptic

    If he really wants to disappear from public life he should join Macaulay Culkin’s band.

  21. Copycat

    Shepard Fairey has made his entire fortune as a plagiarist. It was only a matter of time before someone copied him!

  22. zanjoe

    as a middle-aged, life-long lesbian, shia is the ONLY boy who i’ve EVER masturbated to. oh, well.

  23. Jenn

    I want to say he’s not worked long enough to retire but there’s that whole child actor thing. Send his ass to Florida and tell the zombies it’s supper time!!!

  24. whatever

    Um.. a thief retiring is a GOOD thing, right?…
    Maybe Shia can go to art school and learn the laws of copyright and practice being really creative all from your own imagination baby.

  25. Should’ve taken out “public” from the quote.

  26. bobhardcore

    Redfords hair… that shit is fucking hilarious!

  27. Margaret

    Good. He is terrible.

  28. I guess he fucking told US, didn’t he?

  29. Ghostofintellectualcontent

    Shia steals Clowes work, changes the name and believes his creativity is being attacked? Stealing isn’t talent, it’s theft. Being caught and called out, his response is to steal others apologies and then continue to harass Clowes for complaining about being the victim of intellectual content theft. Shia is the shit, he has no talent but has proven he’s a pure sociopath. Didn’t he sleep with his own mother, there’s some sick story that was floating around Paramount about that a couple of years ago… water cooler shit can be really gross at a movie studio.

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