Shia LaBeouf’s More Fartsniffer Than Man Now, Trollish And Doucheful

January 28th, 2014 // 39 Comments
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Continuing his desperate effort to prove he’s a bold, avant garde performance artist and not a serial plagiarist which he absolutely is, Shia LaBeouf is reportedly shopping around an art show to LA galleries that is exactly as pretentious and up-his-own-ass as you’d expect. Via THR:

One gallerist — who wishes to remain unnamed – was contacted by LaBeouf, who emailed him a proposal, which THR has obtained exclusively and which is excerpted below. The actor describes his planned show, titled #IAMSORRY; it would feature pliers, whiskey, Belgian chocolates, Transformers toys, printed-out Twitter comments on folded paper and a ukelele.
“For 7 days, Shia will sit at a table in a small, boxy room at the rear of a Los Angeles gallery,” it reads. “It is not clear if this is actually Shia, or an imposter. A paper bag will cover his head, emblazoned with the words ‘I AM NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE.’”
A long table, holding the assortment of items, or “implements” as LaBeouf calls them, would be on hand to be used by visitors however they wanted. “It will be made clear that they can do what they please with this item,” reads the proposal. LaBeouf – or the imposter – “will remain silent throughout … He will be subjected to humiliation or forgiveness at the visitor’s discretion.”

When reached for comment, James Franco said, “Hashtags? Belgian chocolate? Implements?! A.. a… GEH. My ejaculate is a reflection on the commoditization of thought! *opens umbrella, jumps off roof* FIDELIO!”

UPDATE: This was plagiarized, too? Mercy be.

Photo: WENN

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  1. dontkillthemessenger

    I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’m blaming Michael Jackson for this one too.

  2. Deacon Jones

    This sounds like a really good idea.

  3. Just say you’re sorry like a fucking adult and this could have ended weeks ago. Don’t turn it into a commentary on life and art. Do what adults do and apologize sincerely.

  4. If one of the implements is a brick, I will go upside his thinkpiece with it in a heartbeat.

    • JC

      One of the implements is a pair of pliers, so one could happily go to town pulling out fingernails. And to add insult to injury, I would recommend going Ryan Dunn on him and jamming at least one of the Transformers up his ass.

    • Pretty sure the only reason for the ‘possible’ imposter is solely to prevent people from torture-fucking the pretentious cock off him on the off chance they may be harming someone with a shred of humanity.

  5. This is actually a continuation of his ongoing art piece, “Vintage Transformers Toys Up My Ass”.

  6. Katie

    ‘transformers toys’? ‘used by visitors however they want’? Can I throw the toys at him?

  7. Lord Helmet

    Two little mice fell into a bucket of cream. The first mouse called the director Hitler and despite washing his car, drowned. But the second mouse wouldn’t quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into bullshit and alas still drowned.

  8. Sean

    This is actually just plagiarizing the performance art piece of Marina Abramovic from 1974 called Rhythm 0… Which I’m sure is just all part of Shia’s “Art”

  9. Swearin

    Two questions immediately spring to mind:
    1) Since there’s whiskey, will there also be fire provided or does the guest have to provide their own?
    2) Can we check under the mask to confirm it’s Shia before we do anything?

  10. Deacon Jones

    Maybe he’ll start smearing feces on his face and reciting Edgar Allan Poe.

  11. ThisWillHurt

    “I want to play a game. The rules are simple: In front of is Shia LaBeouf and a pair of pliers. You must use the pliers t- Whoa! I didn’t say where the key was yet! Uh, I guess you’re free to go.”

  12. cc

    Sounds less like an art sale and more like a shitty garage sale.

  13. Jenn

    No popcorn for this show?

  14. it’ll be an impostor. The master plan…plagiarize by using someone else’s words, then use someone else to take the punishment. ART!

  15. WTF happened to this dude. Seriously, he used to be really decent.

  16. The Right

    So when are Shia and Superficial Blogger going on their first man date? Birds of a feather flock together.

  17. Beer for thought

    Used by visitors as they want eh? Well then someone should;
    1: Steal his pliers, whiskey, Belgian chocolates, Transformers toys, printed-out Twitter comments on folded paper and ukelele
    2: Set up and table next to him, put all of those things on their table and put a bag on their head that says #APOLOGY NOT ACCEPTED @PLAGIARISM

  18. Why can’t he do everyone a favor and in the form of interpretive art just plagiarize the Final Exit.

  19. Joey

    He’s ripping off Chris Burden. Burden put himself in harm’s way, and occasionally encouraged the audience to hurt him. Example:
    http://www.zwirnerandwirth.com/exhibitions/2004/0904Burden/backtoyou.html

  20. ” …All the whores and politicians will look up and shout ‘Save us!’…And I will look down and whisper ‘No’.” – Shia LaBeouf

  21. BlinkyTheFish

    I think the Beef has really, really underestimated the desire of the public to beat him to a pulp with a box of Belgian chocolates.

  22. DWolfe

    So am I the only one who thinks the title of this is simply brilliant? Fish, I assume you’re referencing Obi Wan in Return of the Jedi when he describes Vader as “more machine than man now. Twisted and evil.” Simply brilliant.

  23. Michael

    I actually liked Shia’s movies. Eagle Eye was one of my favorites. Hope this all goes away and things change for him.

  24. renotastic

    I’m bringing my steel dildo, because I love art.

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