Good Morning, Here’s Shia LaBeouf’s Penis

These pictures of an exceptionally homeless-looking Shia LaBeouf holding his dick and peeing outside were not something I planned on seeing this morning, but… Here we are. I think this is the first time I’ve ever seen Shia’s penis. I always figured his shlong was amorphously blended with the rest of his body. He was always kind of one big talking dick that has legs and arms to me. Ya learn something new everyday!

When I was a kid, I used to think peeing outside was the coolest thing in the world.¬†There’s something about slangin’ dong in the great outdoors and just letting it rip like Poseidon over a civilization of ants that brings you back to a primordial state of simplicity. At one point, I became particularly talented at penis penmanship and could write out the word cappuccino in perfect spencerian cursive.