Did Shia LaBeouf Know Too Much?

Now that Shia LaBeouf has been effectively discredited thanks to a month of terrorizing New York with piss and butt-grabbing, it’s time to ask the hard questions about how he’s definitely a victim of MK Ultra. It’s totally obvious. Which brings us to Vigilant Citizen, a blog dedicated to pointing out how every single music video has the same exact imagery which is clearly the result of Illuminati manipulation and not, oh I dunno, Hollywood being a place where original thought goes to die. (That said, the dude’s write-up on True Detective is fucking bananaballs awesome because if anybody should write a breakdown of that show, it’s someone who actually believes there’s a psychosphere you can taste with your mouth.) Anyway, in VC’s latest post, his theory is that Shia LaBeouf was targeted for humiliation by his “MK handlers” back in 2008 when he told Jay Leno about an FBI consultant on the set of Eagle Eye who demonstrated to Shia that the government was recording “one out of every five conversations” either through our phones, home security or OnStar systems. Jump to four years later, and suddenly Shia’s naked in a Sigur Rós video eating a scorpion lollipop and being forced to wear a bag over his head. The evidence is all right there. OPEN YOUR EYES.

So here’s Shia telling Jay about government surveillance while promoting a movie about government surveillance (Coincidence or lizard people?) which naturally involved an anecdote where Shia phone-sexes a lady, so everything sounds super legit. I’m amazed a sniper didn’t take him out.

And here he is having butterflies land on his dick because the Illuminati know exactly how to break a man, and it’s butterflies to the dick. I don’t know how they figured it out. We hid it so well.

Photos: WENN