So Shia LaBeouf Is Getting Murdered
“Just one drop of this stuff smells like a thousand of my farts. It’s quite remarkable.”
Fresh off of his bullshit art project where he rode in an elevator for a while, Shia LaBeouf is once again setting the art world ablaze with another project from his unique school of performance art. I’m dubbing it Douchilism. To be a part of this revolutionary movement, you must first become an insufferable douche. This can be accomplished by doing just one — or all, if you’re a true visionary — of the following: plagiarizing, lying about rape, lying about serving in the military, starring in Eagle Eye. Once you’ve accomplished douchedom, you just start showing up places and tweeting where you are. Voila! You’re an artist now, bro. Via The Verge:
His new project, #TakeMeAnywhere, asks people to pick up LaBeouf and his two collaborators, Nastja Säde Rönkkö and Luke Turner, on the side of the road and take them on a journey. Here’s how it works: over the course of one month, LaBeouf will randomly tweet the GPS coordinates of his present location. Any enterprising people without any more pressing engagements can then go find LaBeouf and his crew, and take them anywhere in the country.
Which brings me to the headline: LaBeouf’s death by his own stupidity. We all knew he’d take himself out in some asinine way, but who knew he was going to be buried in a desert with random hooker parts? I did not see that coming. I had good money on legally shot to death by George Zimmerman during his #WalkingThroughRandomFloridaNeighborhoodsListeningToRap exhibit. But just being strangled in a roadside motel by a traveling salesman who has a wife and kids and teaches Sunday School? That’s some high school runaway shit. I thought you were an avant-garde, Beef. How passé.
Photo: AKM-GSI, Fame/Flynet, Getty, Instagram