Shia LaBeouf Got Married
Remember that girl Shia LaBeouf said he almost killed in Germany after they had a couple fight over his bag or some shit? Well, he married her in Vegas at one of those chapels with an Elvis impersonator. They also let TMZ live-stream the whole thing, but you can’t see it anymore, because that kind of magic is fleeting, people. Except Complex has a few clips, which I will place below since enriching lives is what we do around here.
By Shia LaBeouf standards, this is the most remarkably sweet and quasi-normal thing he’s ever done. But we’re also talking about a guy who’s been trying to deconstruct his identity since Transformers, so I’m honestly surprised it took him this long to figure out that marriage is the quickest way to do that. “Honey, I was thinking I’d work on my next performance piece this weekend. I’m dying my pubic hair green then laying on a golf course for 48 hour– What’s that? Oh, okay, yeah that’s fine, I’ll just help you put up the fall drapes instead, and then we can have your parents over for dinner. That sounds great.”