Shia LaBeouf Played The Slave Card

After retiring from fame, Shia LaBeouf has staged multiple performance art.. performances, given interviews to high profile publications, appeared at movie premieres with Brad Pitt, and starred almost naked in a music video where he danced with an almost naked little girl. While us regular working Joes can agree we’ve been doing all that stuff on a daily basis as well, I don’t think any of us are claiming our bodies are enslaved and/or something about the machine age and modernist ide– Oh Jesus, my butt! *inhales deeply* It’s like a field of post-impressionist lilies on a transcendental plane of unconscious meta-breathing!! Via Variety:

The performance work is democratized and far more inclusive. As a celebrity/star I am not an individual — I am a spectacular representation of a living human being, the opposite of an individual. The enemy of the individual, in myself as well as in others. The celebrity/star is the object of identification, with the shallow seeming life that has to compensate for the fragmented productive specializations which are actually lived. The requirements to being a star/celebrity are namely, you must become an enslaved body. Just flesh — a commodity, and renounce all autonomous qualities in order to identify with the general law of obedience to the course of things. The star is a byproduct of the machine age, a relic of modernist ideals. It’s outmoded.

Fish and I talk all the time about what it must be like to have your basic life needs covered to the point where all that’s left is introspection. Shia LaBeouf is the epitome of this concept. Every time exhaled word farts drift out of his mouth they have to do with existentialism, or subjectivity or any other -ism he can toss at interviewers who don’t realize the joke is on them. Even if he’s not actively trolling, which he 100% is, what is the point in asking someone who’s clearly stated over and over again “I just do all this shit, because I’m fucked up inside, and I’ve resigned my life to finding out why,” what their motivations are? Is there ever going to be a point where we go, “Oh, so the clip-on ponytail is because he had to eat cereal out of his uncle’s belly button? I get it now.”

I say we just let him go make his penis art and stop asking him why he does it. If there’s a shred of humanity left in this world, he’ll accidentally castrate himself during a piece examining post-modernist femininity where his genitals star in a diorama of the execution of Anne Boleyn. At least then, the Beef line would end, and we’d have what, five, maybe six more years of this horseshit, tops.

Photo: Getty

Tags: Shia LaBeouf