Shia LaBeouf Arrested For Smoking & Slapping People’s Asses During Broadway Show

By: The Superficial / June 27, 2014

If you somehow haven’t heard by now, Shia LaBeouf, now known only to himself as the “Bob DeNiro of Performance Art, Bitch,” was arrested last night for smoking and slapping people’s asses during a performance of Cabaret and reportedly hauled out in tears while handcuffed. A dramatic scene that apparently ended as soon as he stepped outside where he became Alec Baldwin. “It was like watching a powerful metamorphosis right before my eyes,” no one would say later. Page Six reports:

When cops approached him, he was “incoherent” and “very agitated,” they said.
He tried to quickly walk away from officers but fell flat on his face, the sources said.
Police hauled him out, his hands cuffed behind him, as theatergoers looked on.
At the Midtown-North station house, he allegedly became belligerent, demanding the cuffs be removed.
“Fuck you. I’ll fuck you up!” the 28-year-old LaBeouf said, according to the sources.
Cops decided to not take the cuffs off the agitated “Transformers” star, and he allegedly started spitting, prompting officers to put a face mask on him.
LaBeouf then unloaded on the arresting officer and used a ­homophobic slur.
“I have millions and millions of dollars and attorneys,” the ­unhinged actor said. “I’m going to ruin your career,” he added, then allegedly called the cop a “fag.”

Why do I get the feeling the entire point of all this was so Shia LaBeouf could wear a Hannibal Lecter mask? Anyway, there’s been a lot of discussion this week about “political correctness” with a few of you vocally under the impression that it’s totally fine to walk around calling people “fags.” And so to those people, I’d like to congratulate you for being on the exact same level of douche as Shia LaBeouf, and kindly accept your immediate repentance. Sometimes you just need the right catalyst. No no no, don’t be embarrassed. Don’t be embarrassed. Shh, shh, it’s okay, it’s okay. We all do stupid things. It happens, it happens. Now just aim your tears toward my cup. That’s it. Good, good- ohmygod, they’re so salty.

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