Shia LaBeouf recently quit the Broadway play Orphans because of “creative differences” with Alec Baldwin, and like every prima donna since the dawn of man, he of course put his self-serving apology email to Alec on the Internet for all to see. An email that seemed oddly insightful and well-written which probably has to do with New York Times writer Dave Itzkoff noticing it was entirely plagiarized from Tom Chiarella’s 2009 Esquire essay “How To Be A Man.” So for everyone that’s keeping score at home, here’s what’s already happened to Alec Baldwin on top of being dragged into this:
1. He found out his trophy wife is already pregnant which is not why you buy one.
2. He’s been accused of attacking another photographer while calling him a “coon.”
3. The entire Internet eye-banged his 17-year-old daughter yesterday.
4. And now her every move’s being photographed by the paparazzi in New Orleans.
So this doesn’t end with Shia LaBeouf leaping out of a stream while Alec Baldwin swats at him with a paw, I don’t want to live in this world anymore. There’s nothing for me now.
Photos: Getty, Pacific Coast News